Nervous for a mystery date!! Help please?!
Im 22 and I've just moved to brisbane City I came from a small town where all the people are the same and not much ever happens. Im starting to realise city life is so different in many ways! It's scary I feel like a child here with no city life experience. ANYWAY I was shopping in a huge shopping centre last week and I was just walking along and a man stopped me and he commented on how beautiful I was, im an ok looking girl and I dress like something from the 50s and he seemed to like it. So we started chatting and it turns out we both share the same profession so we had a good chat about work life, and then he asked me to get a coffee with him. I said ok and gave him my number, not something I normally do as I have little experience with men, just boys....so a couple days later he rings and he says he will pick me up and take me out to one of the best cafes in Brisbane and he is a perfect gentlemen and very intense sort of vibe comes off him, not in a bad way but he seems like a guy who knows what his doing.. Anyway my question is do I get into this guys car who I have no idea about him and no idea where his taking me in a HUGE city that I don't even know?? Or is this just normal adult activities that people do when they get older??? Also I came here to escape guys, I wanted to get away from that for a while, but I don't know what happened...
no - I wouldn't go in his car - you hardly know anything about this man - you shouldn't have given him your number - and as for coffee - well - if you really want to get to know this man better - make an appointment in a public place with many people and get there by bus or taxi but not in his car in a city you hardly know
and besides - why do you want to get to know this man ? what age is he - and what age are you ?
about this "intense vibe" coming off him - I would be careful - of course men who seem to know what they're doing can be enticing for a woman who will see confidence and self-assuredness but it can also be the means of someone very focused on having what he wants - and we don't really know what he wants
moreover - you come from a little town - in big cities the rules are not the same : take good care of yourself and don't be so trusting of just anyone who comes by and talks to you
personally I wouldn't go to this rendez-vous - I would ask him what he is looking for - and have him tell more about himself - on the phone (since he has your number) - and see/check how much of this is true
I know what you mean and I do agree with you. But I'm a very very trusting person which I know is stupid in this day and age, but I've also been raised to be polite and I sort of don't want to offend him??
He is 26 and im 22, we are both qualified chefs but his branched off into front of house service and factory kind of work.
Intense is an understatement, and yeah I'm really attracted to confidence and strength. Which he has for sure but at the same time it's sort of intimidating
Im honestly too nervous to call him, it's just not my thing to call a guy, the date is next Thursday morning. I just wish I knew what I was getting into. I did suggest a nearby shopping centre that's only about 1km away from my house (he didn't know that) but he dismissed it quickly and said that I should see the "real" cafes of brisbane. Im pretty passionate about food/dinning/coffee experienceas obviously. But it sort of irked me how quickly he wrote the idea off?
In all honesty I feel like im setting myself up to be the next tragic headlines in the newspaper.
Normally you wouldn't (any of it), and you thought you were done with men.
That 'anywhere between neutrality and not wanting to' is the perfect state in which for BAM! to happen. Which clearly it has (congrats!). But that doesn't mean you have to trust the instinct that he's harmless and friendly whereby it overrides what you've been taught about keeping yourself safe. I appreciate, however, that it's difficult when the two sets of operational-type information clash like that (can trust this one -v- shouldn't trust anyone this early on).
The simple solution - rather than trying to find excuses for running away from what strikes as der big scary "real deal" before love irreversibly gets ya (
) - is to ask for the venue address, saying you'll be meeting him from on your way back from somewhere else (not sure exactly where/what order of sight-seeing) so it'll be easier to head straight for it. And *IF* he again tries to change your mind to his way of thinking, i.e. pushes rather than accepts, just SAY, 'Sorry, but I'm a safety-conscious type of gal so I'll be doing the sensible thing of making my own way there and back, I take it that isn't a problem???'. And indeed, it shouldn't be. If it *is*, then, well...actions speak, do they not. And they say, either this guy needs to learn to chill his pushy jets in order to *suit* being in a relationship with a typically more cautious woman OR he's not got honourable intentions.
In other words, he's probably/hopefully just wildly over-excited and impatient to get with the relationship and act (in certain mentally-intimate ways) like steadies already (sat cosily side-by-side in the car together), but that's no reason for you to take foolish chances.
I am with soulmate on this one.
You never expect love to happen, it just does. He may be just as excited as you.
But you should also be cautious. Make sure someone knows where you are going (family, flatmate, neighbour....anyone) and tell them when you expect to be back.
I would also use the excuse of somewhere to be just before the date. Just call or text and say ''I just found out I need to pick up/drop off/ go here... on Thursday morning. I still would really like to see you, would it be alright if I met you there because I look forward to our date and wouldnt want to miss it!''
Or something along those lines.
Then you haven't let him know you are worried about his intentions, you have told him you are looking forward to seeing him...and if something DOES happen then someone is aware where you went and why, and if it doesnt...then who knows...Maybe you will be laughing about this for years to come.
Agree, but I personally would keep it shorter and breezier than that because, that she'd be looking forward to it needs no saying and thereby might come across as some sort of guilty conscience in the form of needless a*se-licking. Just a simple 'Turns out you won't be able to collect me from home after all as I'm going to be coming straight from a friend's house. So do you want to give me the name of the first cafe-stop on your tour and I'll meet you directly there, same time?', would probably do.
Hey, don't keep us in suspenders, ABEG! How did the date go?