Is my boyfriend cheating or am I being paranoid?
My boyfriend of 3 years recently started working in a bar and every shift he works he doesn't come home till the early hours of the morning even though the bar closes at midnight. I didn't mind at first as I know staff usually stay back for a drink or whatever. However I started to have doubts. I have always totally trusted him usually his disappearing acts previously were drinking binges with his friend or dad? (I am now questioning if that was true as well). He would ask me to wait up on him finishing in the bar which I would do even though I am up at 6am for uni/work so started to get a bit p*st off as he wouldn't answer my calls or texts. The worst of it came when he told me to wait up on Christmas eve...he never came home from work and I didn't see him until Christmas night and my present and card were still lying under the tree in a plastic bag. We didn't even have dinner it all went in the bin. He said he got drunk and just went and stayed at his flat (we only stay at his sometimes, usually we are in mine). I doubt that is true because again on new years eve he left to go to his flat as he said he felt weird? and didn't want to celebrate new year. I spent it alone in my flat totally devastated and felt terrible wondering what was wrong with him. He constantly says he loves me and hasn't lost interest in sex but who would want to spend new year on their own! If he loved me he would want to be with me surely? I was heartbroken he had done this but I love him and went down to see him three days ago...he had ignored my calls all day but asked me to go to his flat so we could have nice night together. He eventually answered his phone and said he was in a taxi and was coming to mine (the taxi ride is about 5 minutes) half an hour later he said he just got out the taxi and went to his house because he had an argument with the driver. As I said I have had my doubts and called the taxi company, they had no record of a hire. Against everything in my head telling me not to be a mug and go to his flat I did and he looked rough as if he had either been up all night and/or drinking. He was being nasty and cheeky every time I said something. We had a couple of drinks and he got a text...it said "how long does it take you to text back, it's like waiting on a taxi" he said it was a girl from work and she must have sent it to him by mistake. He fell asleep not long after that and I sat for an hour arguing with myself whether to check his phone or not. I did and found lots of texts from the girl saying the usual what you up to etc but there were ones saying you are so hot, another saying "what happened to my kiss" and "when can I see? if you if you don't ask you don't get". I stopped looking after that and tried to wake him up, he was drunk and made out I was crazy saying he didn't even know the texts were there?!! I got my clothes on and left...he kept calling me but I switched my phone off. That was 3 days ago and I haven't text him or heard anything from him. He must be hanging around the bar for a reason and I know it's because he's either slept with her or is thinking about it. He just denies it but he's been acting differently...we used to be so close and were best friends before he stared working in the bar three months ago. I don't know what to do...he means the world to me but it's breaking my heart. I had a miscarriage a year and a half ago and have recently been at hospital for a cervical biopsy. Everything I do was to try and make our life a little better so I went to Uni to try and get a better job. The first two years of our relationship he was on the dole and I I tried to help him find something he would like which he did but decided to take a few shifts in that pub as well. He doesn't help with any of the bills but that doesn't bother me as he didn't have any money before anyway but he says he NEEDS to work in the bar for extra money for US...but he spends it all on alcohol. Am I wasting my time? I just wanted to ask what other people think and what they would do...I don't know what to think or do any more
I think that your boyfriend drinks too much. It is not healthy if he spends most or all of what he makes on alchohol. He should be helping you with bills, especially since that is supposed to be the motivation behind taking the job at the bar. You should not have to hunt him down or text him millions of times in order to have time with him. I think you are being reasonable. Even though he says he loves you, he acts like he is not very interested in the relationship. There is a good chance that he is seeing someone else or at least has started in that direction. I don't know what is going on with him emotionally for him to want to see someone else and for him to drink the way he does. I would confront him about the texts you found. If he continues treating you like you are yesterday's news,then you should break up with him. I wish you the best. TILES
Song: What did I do (infidelity & sex addiction)