Lack of confidience
I am a language student and I am close to being fluent speaker in 3 language. But my probelm in every language I want to learn is my cofidence. I could not managed to get over this. I can do fine by myself but when I have someone beside me , I feel so stressful and cannot do things I do while I am alone. I am scared of people to see my mistakes.
In addition, when I see someone better than I am, my courage breaks down and I give up reluctantly even if I want to carry on. I always care of the others' thoughts on me and I can't stop that. I have done plenty of things which could make me more confident ( as giving a lecture to 200-over students in a foreign language, being a translater etc.), but I have never been able to change the barriers which are in my mind. I went to doctor due to this problem, whose helps showed me the way even if a bit tho, it comes back without stopping.
I do not know what to do. I want to change my mindset but it doesnt work by myself... I asked around and everyone told me the cure is me. Only I am able to change this.They adviced me to start changing myself from my habits... I need help. I am looking forward to seeing your answers...
This poem makes me brave ...
It's easy to fight when everything's right,
And you're mad with the thrill and the glory;
It's easy to cheer when victory's near,
And wallow in fields that are gory.
It's a different song when everything's wrong,
When you're feeling infernally mortal;
When it's ten against one, and hope there is none,
Buck up, little soldier, and chortle:
Carry on! Carry on!
There isn't much punch in your blow.
You're glaring and staring and hitting out blind;
You're muddy and bloody, but never you mind.
Carry on! Carry on!
You haven't the ghost of a show.
It's looking like death, but while you've a breath,
Carry on, my son! Carry on!
I had the same thing, the only thing that helped me was that life hit me up side the head with a board, and I started thinking about that more than I thought about anything else.
One thing I leared was that my sensitivity was not all bad. It helped me have more feeling for others, and the fact that you closed your post with a poem is very significant and reveals that you, do, indeed, have a lot of feelings.
Maybe you can use our language skills in translating books or magazine articles or the human voice from tape recordings, and you don’t have to be around others. What about that?
You can still keep your sensitivity, and still utilize your skills. There has to be jobs where you can translate books or such from one language to another.
“You say, “In addition, when I see someone better than I am, my courage breaks down and I give up reluctantly even if I want to carry on.” I know the feeling. It is very rough.
Maybe you could work with children, in a library, hospital or school setting, teaching them to read, or helping them with their homework. In this way you’d be relating with people who are also sensitive and could use some help building their confidence and study skills.
You could volunteer in a senior citizens home, listening to their stories, their experiences, write them down, and maybe give copies to their children, if they have children. This would put you around people who could use help, and it could help you also.
This could also reverse the flow of energy, from worrying about yourself to seeing problems that others have, and worrying about them. Again, this would reverse the flow of energy. It’s the same amount of energy, it’s just going in a different direction.
With your sensitivity, you could see these people’s problems better than most people.
Another website lile this one, but for people with heath probmes, I went on one time with a health problem. I started reading other people’s problems, and trying to help them with their difficulties. I never did get around with telling them about my health problem, I was so busy trying to help them with theirs.
I had reversed the flow of energy, from worrying about my problem (and I was) to worrying about their problems, and my problem seemed to go away. I can’t explain it, other than I had reversed the flow of energy.
I don’t know if I helped them with their problems, but they sure helped me with mine.
You said, “I have done plenty of things which could make me more confident ( as giving a lecture to 200-over students in a foreign language, being a translater etc.), but I have never been able to change the barriers which are in my mind. I went to doctor due to this problem, whose helps showed me the way even if a bit tho, it comes back without stopping.”
This was my problem, also, but I didn’t know it, because the problem was in my unconscious. I had been unconsciously negative.
Maybe I learned this as a child, being around negative parents, which I was. I had adopted their negative attitude, and didn’t know it.
So whenever I went to solve a problem, I was first fighting the problem, but I was also fighting myself for my unconscious (which I couldn’t see) was telling me, “You can’t solve this problem.” So, it’s hard to solve a problem you can’t see, your own negative unconscious.
So, I’m saying, the column on being positive going into a problem, that you can solve it, was very important to me. I’m not saying problems are wonderful or positive, I’m saying our attitudes that we can solve the problem can be positive.
One thing I tell myself, is, “One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem.” I don’t try to solve all of my problems all at once. I just try to solve the one that is most important to me at the moment. “
You say “I want to change my mindset but it doesnt work by myself.”
Changing your mindset is what we are talking about. Changing it from negative (in your unconscious) to positive (in your unconscious).
Here below, in my own words, is what the column on being positive said, when trying to solve a problem:
There are people who can solve problems very well, and there are those who cannot.
But solving problems can be learned.
The most important thing to remember about trying to solve a problem is your attitude going into the problem. The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.
If you think you have little or no chance to solve the problem, you probably don’t, not because of the problem, but because you are stacking the deck against solving the problem before you even start to try.
As such, the problem is not the problem, you are the problem. Take yourself out of the mix, and concentrate on the problem, with first having the belief that you can solve it.
Let’s say you’re in a place of business that is on fire. Your conscious mind want to get out, but your unconscious is negative (which you don’t see because it’s in your unconscious). That could be your biggest problem: you don’t see the negative in your unconscious.
If your conscious wants you to escape the fire, but your unconscious is negative, thinking you can’t solve this problem, every time your conscious thinks of a solution (“Open the door and go outside”), your unconscious says: “That won’t work, because….” and it comes up the flimsiest of reasons (“…the door might be locked.”).
Your unconscious comes up with these putdowns of possible solutions, because it has been programed to where everything must be negative, so it is forced to downgrade all possible solutions.
And until your conscious and unconscious are going in the same direction (win or lose), you can’t move, because half your brain is going to the left, and half your brain is going to the right. A possible solution to that might be, “Dive out the glass window. You might get cut, but you might survive.”
That satisfied both the conscious (“I want to get out”) and the unconscious (“But I can’t allow myself to solve the problem in a positive way.”)
So, you must retrain your unconscious. I do this by saying to myself when I have a problem, “Think positive, think positive, think positive,” as I pave the way for my conscious to come up with solutions, while trying to damp down my unconscious, which may be negative and preparing to downgrade any solution my conscious comes up with.
(I found this works, and I’m able to solve problems much better.)
Thanks for your reply. I appreciate that a lot. I am going to try to do what you recommended. Again, thank you for giving me some of your time.