Desperate for marriage advice
My husband and I have been married for about 10 years. In the beginning we knew we wouldn't have children and we were fine with that. But after the first couple of years he wanted children (even though when he married me he knew I couldn't have anymore). I had a daughter from a previous relationship but was infertile and he was aware very early in our relationship.
After two very painful surgeries and a loss, sex had become very mechanical for 2 years as we "tried to conceive". When I became pregnant I had a somewhat complicated pregnancy and was on "pelvic rest" for most of it. Once our son was born it was the standard exhaustion, busy, still recovering from what two years of trying to conceive does to a marriage. In short, we've never had a fabulous sex life.
In the last 3 years it has become so few and far between that it is over almost as soon as it begins and for me, that is a disappointment of epic proportions. To further complicate matters, in August, we took a vacation and while I was unpacking I found antibiotics I was unaware he was on. Apparently he had an abscess or that what he believed he had anyway. Seven months, two horrific surgeries and many courses of antibiotics later, what he really had was a far worse condition that absolutely will not heal because he absolutely will not take his medicine and care for his wound like the doctor tells him to. The impact this has had on our marriage is that we have not had sex since August (That's right, it is March), and I live with the constant frangrance of infection in my life.
I am frustrated to the point that I have washed my hands entirely of attending follow up visits to his surgeon because I can't stand to listen to him lie to his surgeon about how he is doing everything he tells him to do. It is a complete lie. He has full bottles of antibiotics he hasn't taken at all. I don't want to go in public with him for fear that others with recognize the smell of infection. Any nurse will understand this one. I just don't know what else to do. He is a grown man. How can I force him to care for himself? There isn't a chance I would ever have sex with him until it recovers and the more time that passes the less I feel that will ever recover. How can I make him see the damage he is doing to his marriage and ultimately his son's life over this? Any advice at this point with be greatly appreciated!
First of all, I know their are two sides to every story and I am reading yours. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this especially because us women are so emotional anyways.
You need to realize that communication is the key to everything. Maybe you should talk to him first and see if he can fix how you feel. If he refuses, go to his doctor and tell them the truth. Why wouldn't you want to? Also, ask him to see a therapist. There has to be some reason why he is going to the doctor all the time and neglecting to take his medications to get better.
He could be feeling the way you're feeling. Maybe wanting to see if you care? It could all be lack of communication. Let him know that you are worried and that you are concerned about what it's doing to your love life. If he isn't willing to help fix it or do something about it then maybe there is twelve years of marriage down the drain.
I think you all should communicate and try to work it out. If nothing, go to his doctor and express your concerns. Speak up. Not for your sake but for his because maybe getting him to care for himself will make everything better in the long wrong.
Communication is the key!