Fed up being poor
I am currently working 3 jobs over 6 days and I am completely exhausted, I work at my day job as a PA/Administrator/Retail Assistant Tuesday to Sunday 10am to 4pm and then I clean for 2 hours 4:30pm to 6:30pm on Wednesday and Sunday evenings. I also work at a busy pub Thursday, Friday and Saturday evenings until close. In total around 63 hours a week.
I live in a tiny studio flat within shared accommodation which is all I am able to afford as the area I live in is very expensive. I had to take out an IVA over 6 years which began last August due to debts from a previous relationship. I hate my flat due to the fact I have so little space, the landlord does not maintain the property and there also tenants here that are doing drugs. Due to the IVA any extra cash I earn I get to keep very little, as its a 2nd/3rd job the tax man takes 20% and then the IVA takes 50%.
I feel like I am trapped here as no matter if I get a better job which pays more I am will not be allowed to move nor will I have the cash for the deposit and moving in costs and there seems like there is no hope over the next 5+ years that are remaining.
My partner in my previous relationship was abusive and controlling and during the time I was with him we racked up alot of debt much of which comes from him taking most of my money within the joint account and me having to pay for car repairs and other necessities on a credit card. To add to this when we separated he had not paid some of the utility and council tax bills at the property which he said he had and as the rented house was in my name too and the companies owed demanded that I pay them which again had to go onto my credit card and I was unable to keep up with the payments. I actually had to move away from the area and the police were involved due to him harassing me but since they have not been able to locate him, I have heard from friends that he had changed his name and moved to a different area therefore mostly impossible to find him as he works with a friends its unlikely he can be traced by NI number as he is paid cash in hand.
My new partner who I hardly get to see because of working so much is very supportive and is staying at mine most of the time making sure I have proper meals as time for cooking is not often possible especially at weekends. He did lose his job and was out of work for around 9 months which put alot of pressure on me to have to find extra cash. He is now working and wants to help with bills, rent ect and I was thinking about just saving the money he pays me (£400 a month) without telling the IVA people and continuing to live frugally in order to save up the cash to release me from this IVA via a F & F settlement which I will have to tell the IVA people that it is a gift to release me from the IVA of which the offer will only be valid should I be released. To do this I will need to save up £3600. Any money I am gifted that is not an offer to release they will expect me to hand over to them.
I am so fed up with this now and have read so many horror stories online that people are stuck in IVAs for many years after and feel this is my only hope to be able to have a life again. I have already made two attempts on my life this year and I am feeling really low crying most days. I have little or no energy and I'm surviving on energy drinks to stay awake and sleeping tablets for insomnia.
Just the thought of one day being able to have a family of my own seems so far out of reach, I am 30 years old now and yes I have made mistakes in life but do I really deserve this. I really want to have a child but how could I bring a child into this environment - it would be inhumane and cruel.
I am not able to get help from family members as they are struggling too and my mum has already helped pay for a car so I can get to work. I have checked and I am also not entitled to any help from benefits.
Any constructive positive advise would be appreciated, If you have rude and negative opinions please keep them to yourself.
Fair play to you for being strong. Can u sort out a deal with iva of less replayments?
Hi Valerie, thank you for your post. The problem with decreasing the Iva payments is they will just keep extending the terms meaning at least another year added on. I just want out of it now, I have been speaking with the IVA people and I'm lucky to have a case officer who is so understanding. My mum us putting an offer forward for £1700 which is all she is able to spare which I will pay back to her as soon as I am back on my feet again. I feel so helpless as there is nothing I can do as any spare cash I have they expect me to pay into the Iva.
You said, "If you have rude and negative opinions please keep them to yourself."
So, you sound like you're tough enough, so we don't have to worry about that.
You also said, "Any constructive positive advise would be appreciated."
You also sound positive, so that's a good start.
If your new friend can start helping you with the bills, that would be a big help also.
Less expensive housing might be an idea. If you could find a place that has a low rent situation, might be good. Maybe keep looking in the want-ads, newspaper and net, to see if you can find a lower rent situation.
I know a lot of people seem to have this difficulty, so I do feel for you. A lot of it was your first friend, and that's not your fault. Just keep staying positive, keep reaching out for help.
You don't have children, so that's a help. You do have some things going for you. Maybe if your new friend pays enough bills, you can work less hours.
I think working less hour would help. He needs to stay positive, also.