My best friend and boyfriend kissed
I've been seeing this guy for only 4 months and he has always gotten on really well with my best friend. I've never been bothered with this seeing as my best friend is in a relationship with a girl, although she has had previous relationships with boys.
A couple of days ago we all went out together and I caught them kissing. They were both extremely drunk. I approached them immediately and told them what I had seen.
Both parties have acknowledged the profoundness of what they've done and apologized, especially my best friend. I personally feel that both the apologizes are sincere.
Is it wrong that I even consider getting back with the guy?
He's said that he was genuinely sorry for hurting me and promised that something like this would never happen again.
If I forgive him do I have to forgive my friend?
We've been best friends and roommates for 4 years. Although I trusted her, I knew she does cheat on her girlfriend (just kisses) when she gets really drunk. I voices concerns to her I was worried that she was to flirty with the guy I was seeing and that it was inappropriate. She told me she would never do anything with him and told me to trust her.
Should I cut her out of my life?
Double-whammy betrayal. How horrid for you.
Was she drunk every time she flirted (tested the water)? Was he, every time he let her? Well, who cares anyway, because - you could get any intrinsically decent person so plastered they could hardly stand up straight, where they might talk and act like tw*ts, for instance, blurting inappropriate things and hugging lampposts and such like, but they still wouldn't ever do anything that they knew posed as betrayal of a friend or lover, be they much-valued *or not* (true principles and scruples are person non-discriminate). Why? Because that moral taboo is so huge when sober that even inhibitions-lower alcohol wouldn't be enough to render them taboo-free. Put it this way, would you, if drunk, mug a little old lady where normally the thought were inconceivable?
'Fool me once - shame on you; fool me twice - shame on *me*', is the guideline...
1. She put a step onto the path of betraying you and her friendship with you by flirting with your boyfriend. Since right from the outset of forging a friendship there is always this tacit 'contract' as includes for NOT doing things that could count as gross disloyalty and breaking of trust, this 'friend's' run of inappropriate flirting therefore counted already as 'fool me once'.
2. In response, you basically reminded her of the contract (which was you giving her the benefit of the doubt). She happily 're-signed' it. ...And then, at the very next opportunity, set light to it. That then counts as 'fool me twice'.
So yes, you should cut her out of your life - so as to show her that you won't be treated like that - until such time as she begs genuinely and sincerely for your forgiveness (from having put herself in your shoes in her head, and feeling how it feels). If by that point you've given her a really hard time then, come the next such opportunity she'll see the price (consequences) of stolen kisses as too high to pay thus dread the thought of going there in the first place.
But there is no point, IMO, in punishing your boyfriend because someone in that 'less dispensable', starring role should be even more keenly aware of never crossing this clear taboo, contextually 'super-sized'. In other words, it's a Giant No-No for a friend to betray you like that, but it's a case of Absolutely Effing No Way In Hell for a boyfriend to do likewise (he shouldn't ever even *need* to be given a second chance). So she betrayed you in one third followed by two thirds, equals one whole betrayal, and he betrayed you one whole in one fell swoop. ...Even Stevens, neither is less guilty than the other, IMO.
'With fronds like that, who needs anemonies'?
Something similar like this happened to me. I did get back with the guy but trust me it's not easy. I felt like I was about to go crazy. Every girl he talked to made me suspicious or angry. In the end, it didn't work out. It wasn't easy. As for the friend, things were never the same. Take your time, dont rush. You have every right to be angry. Kissing because they were drunk is no excuse. The alcohol only lowers the barrier for something that was already there.
"The alcohol only lowers the barrier for something that was already there."
(Bunnylion, will you be my editor? I can't pay you or anything, but, er.. I could always flatter you to death?
Bail on the guy, being drunk is a cop out and shouldn't be allowed as an excuse.
As for the friend, you should withdraw from her a bit. Make her know she really screwed up.