Found out boyfriends family doesn't like me. Feel awkward and uncomfortable now
My boyfriend informed me that his family (parents and siblings) don't like me that much and that they find me immature and annoying. For the whole 5 years we dated and known them i thought of them as a second family and truly believed they loved me. We were in his room talking about it.
I literally sat there crying for almost an hour over it. I think it annoyed my boyfriend but i couldn't help it. I just kept saying i was fine and trying to keep it quite even though I obviously wasn't.
My boyfriend said they sometimes tell him that I'm annoying and that he could always see it on their faces. I felt like such an idiot. For years i would be super friendly, text them, hang out with them, talk to them, etc. Now i just feel awkward and uncomfortable in his house. I've never had a whole group of people just dislike me like that. My boyfriend said it's because I'm too squealy and act too young. I'm 23. I mean maybe i do. I'm generally super happy, friendly and bubbly around people. I squeal and dance when i get excited about something. I'm emotional and cry easily. But..it never occurred to me that it made me annoying.
About a week ago they were having a barbecue and beer. It was his two sisters, brother in law, and another friend of the family. I was like oh cool and just started hanging out with them. I had a beer and was chatting it up with his sister. My boyfriend was in his room playing a game. Apparently one of his sisters and brother in law came to his room a few times saying i was asking for a beer and that they didn't want to give me one, that i was annoying, stuff like that. They wanted him to come remove me from their little party but he said he didn't want to get involved and to handle it themselves. I didn't know all that until now. I thought that was just a normal day and that i was having fun with friends.
I feel like such a dumb b**ch now! My boyfriend assured me i wasn't dumb and that i just have bad social skills. Do you think i should stop hanging out at his house? Should i apologize to his family? If so, how do i say it? Should i still come over but just not talk to anyone but my boyfriend?
I will tell you one thing. I feel nervous around his family now for once and like afraid of them and ashamed for being such a thorn in their side. :(
". . . ashamed for being such a thorn in their side."
Find one of these relatives that you can talk to and ask, "Gee, I just got the message that I am an annoying person. Do you feel that way?" Hopefully they will be honest. Ask what you can do to be less annoying.
(I really wonder why your BF would tell you that "they think you are annoying" Him telling you that really does no good, if he wants you to change your behavior. It only upset you. Why would he do that?)
Does it matter to your boyfriend that they don't like you? If not than what do you have to worry about.
Our in-laws will always talk about us.
Just be civil to them but don't go around there anymore.
I could see how being "squealy, over excited, super happy and bubble ALL THE TIME would be annoying to to some. If this is truly your personalty then take note that not everyone is going to like you. Tone it back a bit, his parents are not your friends, they are his parents stop being the centre of attention be what you are "company in their home and their son's GF. Not wanting to give you a beer and asking your BF to remove you from "their party" the would indicate that you may become even more SUPER HAPPY when alcohol comes into to play.
I think your BF telling you this is painful to hear how you're coming across to his family, take it as constructive criticism. No more squealing a simple smile will do. Yes spend your BF, learning how to socialize with different groups of people in different situations is vital to your growth and maturity.
wow, I wish you were my son's girl. I am older, therefore I have met many people in my life, I am an extrovert. I can say with no exaggeration, his girl is one of the most ruddest people I have met in my life. she lives with us, has my only grandchild, so she thinks this gives her a licence or an entitlement. i can put my foot down, and never see my son and the baby again. i say nothing and just try to control my self with a lot of cusswords and prayer. i love my son more than i hate her and when you love someone like that you may have to put your opion of her away, this is the girl he has chosen, maybe some change will come. as for you, if you know you have been respectful and kept your manners with you, then forget the apology to them and replace it with a tip, "you dumb-asses, you lose, you lose me, my respect you can , diss me, but to put the man i love in a tug-of-war scene, is obscene" they should love him more than they hate you
FarrahFlo, tell your boyfriend I said, 'Oh, cut the crap, you silly little tw*t!'.
I read all your posts about his behaviour and had one thought 'shouting out' in my mind the entire time through: JEALOUS!
It's a very old chestnut, fyi. Or it is when your boyfriend's immature with a giant chip on his shoulder re. his own family popularity.
Just had a wee altercation, had you, the pair of you, when he oh-so-helpfully told you that, having - well, gosh! - just decided how that was "theee" perfect moment? Or/*and* maybe it was because they (just his perception) (or maybe not?) like you more than him, or said so to his face, simply to pee him off during a disagreement. After all, there's you at the party, being fun and sociable, and - where's he? RECLUSIVELY IN HIS ROOM PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. Actions!/NUFF SAID!
If you're emotional (and unbridled, as in honest about it - tick!) then you're very sensitive/thin-skinned, meaning, you'd have been able to TELL if the sisters, BIL and this friend had been annoyed at your presence. You know you would. You'd have got funny vibes coming from them, stilted conversation, monosyllabic replies ("Yes...No...S'pose so...Dunno"), them directing their conversation purely at each other, looking at the ground or their fingernails with sudden avid interest, etc., etc., ETC. You'd have sensed it, no problems. AND you'd have mentioned it here, as in, '...and, come to think about it, they *were* really funny with me that day'. Yet you did not (actions!). Quite the opposite.
More like, his sisters - either there and then or days later - came in to nag him about being so antisocial and used you as an example of how one *should* behave AT A PARTY/SOCIAL GATHERING. So he, jealous and threatened, and with no thought under that mindset for farther-flung consequences, let alone ones that could make things difficult for him personally, decides to ensure that on all future occasions you keep your distance as well as behave against-type very awkwardly all of a sudden, knowing that it'd have the effect of making them ask themselves, and possibly each other, why...and (hopefully) conclude something negative about themselves in your eyes and then, feeling disliked by YOU.......... down, round, down, round, SPLAT goes your until-then good relations with them and theirs with you, whereupon he no longer feels inadequate or shown up by you.
Alternatively, it could be that (in his room playing games) HE doesn't like them and resents the fact that you do... because, of course, that means less attention from you and them getting attention meant for him.
Or whatever proportion of both.
Ignore him. Or just say, 'Opposites Day again, is it?'. Don't *ever* let someone else's issues become yours. And never accept any info/advice without first examining what that person stands to gain or lose by it. Always question *why* someone in whose interests you'd think it went too much against, would say something that stupid and potentially self-harmful.
Now you know. You're gorgeous and charismatic and he can't compete (not that he should be, anyway... he ain't your brother and nor is he the only person in your world). So rather than even try, it's quicker and easier to pull you down to his level or/and 'isolate' you all to himself.
You might want to have a re-think about whether he's the right sort of (er) man for you, however, if he'd rather hurt you like that than come out honestly and tell you how he's feeling.
PS: He got annoyed at your getting upset because he'd only wanted to achieve X and, thanks to his ham fists, there was you reacting to the power of XXXX, meaning, suddenly a problem he'd hoped would become (quietly) all yours was suddenly his again. Plus, he'd been banking on the fact you wouldn't want to 'confront' any of them over it, meaning, his stupid little lie would remain forever unchallenged.
Hopefully from now on, you'll take anything else he might say in that way with a pinch of salt and become less easily manipulable. But do feel free if next time he starts that nonsense you get the urge to shove a banana in his gob. ;-)
You shouldn't have to change for anyone or put up with his family dissing you, if I were you I would find some real friends not fake ones if they don't Like you that's their problem not yours. You shouldn't have to apologise for being yourself. And if you feel awkward around them don't be around them.
Ok , if you don't listen to what I tell you then listen to Mistyblue^^^
My first issue , this is your boyfriend that supposedly loves/cares for you right ? And this had been going on for a while correct ? Well either he's a p**sy that can't stand up for his girlfriend or he is a douche that just don't care . And for most of the post above mistyblue are total shit , next they will be telling you to sleep with your boss to get a promotion . Let then kiss ass and change for ppl , NOT YOU ,don't even think about it . I'm guessing his family are pretty uppity and think they are better than most and not the most of cheerful ppl .
You don't need ppl in your life that was ok with talking behind your back and being too cowardly to confront you with an issue , if it bothered them so much that could have talked to him the first time and it wouldn't have been much of anything but they just talked shit and the little boy you call your boyfriend let them do it . For 1 he don't deserve you , 2 you will never be comfortable it that house and if you did tone it down and be a boring normal person they would shortly find something else to trash on you with .
As far as the bubbly happiness of yourself yeah you could probably tone it down a bit ... If you want to lame , sad, average , don't EVER EVER change for anyone ever , not a thing , for every guy that would think you need to tone it down their is 1000+ that would trip over themselves to snatch you up , hell hit me up I could use some bubbly happiness in my life , don't even have to date just hang out cause your personality flows into everyone around you unless you are around better than thow assholes . :) but all joking aside please let me know you won't change , if everyone was like you the world would be a happy beautiful place . Tell him you will not change and you are not ok with his family and leave it at that , if he's not a retard and can find his balls
He will know what he lost and you won't even make it home before he's trying to get you to pull over and beg your forgiveness , if he doesn't he never deserved to even look at you , you be you , enjoy life ,love , love and share your joy with the world . Some ppl won't like you but all of us don't like them either we just aren't rude and Inconciderate assholes . I don't know you personally but I know your personality and there is non better . Good luck sweetheart , keep head held high stay strong don't apologize to anybody for who you are , the ppl that said above , I mean this in the nicest way possible ,.... That's just plain stupid , just because you kiss ass frequently and jump when told , and apologize for who you are ... Well you probably do need to apologize because you are an idiot , if you don't want to be around someone with a beautiful spirit you are the one that has an issue , why don't you go hang out with the pansies family and leave her alone because you are a foolish stupid ignorant person for this comment , not judging you as a person
Because I don't know you but that's completely wrong . Anyways sweetheart I wish you nothing but the absolute very best , I hope it turns out in a way you want it to ,
Some people are negative. Period. They look to find things to disapprove of and when they do, they complain about them. I bet you anything that your positive spirit and enthusiasm is what attracts your boyfriend to you in the first place. Because you are nothing like what his family is, which seems to be negative and b*tchy and addressing problems with you in the form of ridicule and exaggeration behind your back, from what you've said above.
If I were you, I'd not stay with this boyfriend. Perhaps I am influenced by my experiences, but I think if they have decided they don't like you, there is nothing that will change their minds. Find a man who sticks up for you and doesn't take his family's bad mouthing you lying down. You deserve someone who loves you, wants to support you and whose family loves you unreservedly.