Tired being husband, father, a man?
I'm 38 going to 39. I'm married for 13 years now. I have seven years old son. I'm tired with my life. It's not that I want to commit suicide, but it's getting hard just to get up every morning and go to work.
I don't find life as exciting and fulfilling. I keep my job, because I know if I lose it, it's going to be harder to live. Back then when I decide to marry, I thought marriage could give me something to look for when I return from work. You know the old picture of a husband returning to his home, welcomed by his wife, etc. Rather than having a support system, my marriage just add more burden on my shoulder. My wife seem unable to handle every little things and need me to help her with it. So when I got home from work, more work wait for me.
It's just tiring.
And despite all my effort, she lost interest in me and now I can't even have sex with her for years.
It feels like I keep on providing and giving. But I don't get any reward our of it. When its trouble, she will come to me (nagging, complaining, etc) with little thanks if I do something about it. When its fun, she'll share with her friends about it. I just got the bitter aspect of her life and her friends get the fun part.
Now, my son, well he loves me much. I'm the number one in his world. But as much as I love him, sometimes I'm too tired to be there for him. I still keep at working and such for him. But there are days when I just feel so tired that even his presence couldn't comfort me. Besides he had his share of being little trouble maker. These days, I found him lying and stealing little stuff, that just added more headache and heartache.
I'm thinking of a divorce, not that I plan to marry again, but at least it would lessen the burden. But then my religion says no to divorce. And as bad as it is, I think faith is part of the thing that keep my stand through all these bullshit called life. I want to give up on my responsibilities.
When I think over everything, I could say, I guess I'm weak and selfish jerk. I should change into a better person, etc. But I can't find any strength to do it. I don't know where to begin and I'm not sure if it's do any good.
So sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Sounds like you're missing emotional intimacy and overall support. Did you have that in the beginning, and it's disappeared over the years? Or was it not there to begin with? Regardless, if you've communicated clearly what you need and want from your spouse, and the spouse is unwilling or unable to at least make an effort, then I think it's pretty clear what is best for all concerned. If that's not the case, and there's love between you and hope for the things you want, then you'll both need to commit to working on your marriage, together. Every day. Love is a verb. It's a choice. It doesn't just "happen" when you walk in the door. If you had it and it faded, try to remember how you both treated each other in happier times. And start doing all of those things again. And anything else that builds the bridge back to each other. If you didn't have it to begin with, and there's no interest on her part to contribute, then you need to make some hard choices... Wish I had more "upbeat" advice, but ending my 24 year marriage for the same reason. I'm heartbroken, but we'll both be happier once we move on and stop torturing each other out of a sense of obligation. Hope you have a better outcome. <3
Please realize this: What happens at work is NOT equal to what is happening at home. In other words, your obligations and input don't end when you walk in the door.
Your son needs an attentive male parent. did you ever consider he is acting out for attention?
Your wife might be exhausted, too. Women who are tire are not interested in sex.
Why are you so exhausted? Why does your work wear you out so much you can't give anything to your family?
Consider getting a complete physical. It really sounds like no one is happy in your home, just not you.
Do you talk to her? And to do have friends to talk to also? And do you feel like it's over that you can't bring that spark back if you do pull the plug on the whole thing. I think religion is more of guidelines that rules and I think your God will still love you if you do what needs to be done for you. It's hard to be a good parent when your world is crumbling. If you go down the divorce path make sure your son knows he is loved and that it isn't his fault.
Your problem feels a bit similar to mine and thanks you have given me some perspective into how my partner feels. Here's all I can offer and i hope it helps. I understand how you feel about working all day and you come home and still have to work. You feel frustrated and sometimes you probably want to scream. If i work so hard for my family, the least they can do is make sure i get some good rest and relaxation when i come home. It's disheartening and makes you feel bitter inside. It can suck the happiness out of your life. But don't give up yet.
Your relationship is what you make of it. Talk to your wife, just tell her how you feel and how you are considering a divorce. Perhaps that will wake her up. Be honest and direct. At the same time, make your relationship what you want. Be the example of what you want to see. If you want romance, take your wife on a date and go get drunk over some cocktails. If you want that impromptu gift, give her a surprise gift. If you want to have sex, hire a baby sitter or have your kid spend the weekend with relatives. Show her what you want and see how she reacts. Give it everything you have and then decide if you still want to leave.
As for your relationship with your son, all children are different. If you are persistent with your son...trust me it will all payoff when his old. Try not to let your relationship with your wife affect that with your son. It's very hard but don't give up on it. Every time i have a fight with my partner, i look at my son and say, 'I'm all he has'. Remember, you're the one that decided to have kids...so be a man and take care of your responsibilities. Do a project with your son.