Feeling guilty for the way I acted
Hi. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we have a two year old son together. I feel extemely fustrated because I work full time, try to clean the house, make dinner, take my son to classes, among other things. I also try to spend as much of my free time with my son since i work while my boyfriend spends so much time away from him. In the morning while i am getting ready for work and giving my son breakfast and getting him ready my boyfriend is still in bed. I ask him for help but i think my asking makes him not want to do it even more. Then today like many other days he is just watching TV while i am making dinner. My son is trying to play in the kitchen and keeps asking for something. I really usually dont mind but I am trying to cook and my boyfriend is just sitting there doing nothing like usual. If it was me I would play with my son, distract him. Instead my boyfriend yells at our son for being in the kitchen and tells him to go to his room(this happens all the time). This goes on for a while so i ask my boyfriend why doesnt he play with our son instead of just watching TV. He tells me to shut up, like usual. I get mad a yell at him that he can't just sit there and expect a two year old to behave himself. He argued back so i took the remote and threw it in the bedroom. He yelled at me and told me to leave and that he would take care of our son. I know he did not mean it and i apologized for my behavior(he did not to me). But i still am ashamed i let myself get to angry especially in front of my son. I love him so much and try to do everything I can for him. I just don't know how my boyfriend doesn't want to spend a lot of quality time with him I actually feel bad for my son. It would break my heart if i couldn't see my son everyday. Even though i apologized i'm worried my boyfriend will use the outburst against me. What can I do? How do I control my anger?
I think a lot women have problems like that with their partners. You're basically the man and the woman in the relationship at times. I know that you shouldn't keep it bottled up inside of you your concerns and anger. What you can try and do is perhaps, learn how to express your anger and when to do so. Remember, being anger doesn't mean raising your voice and throwing things around. It's hard to do and even i forget at times but you will see a great difference when you do. Talk calmly to your partner when he is most relaxed and open. Don't talk in a demanding or accusing tone. I have found that it works when you phrase it as a question and when you sort of forewarn him.
Am sorry to hear about him and your son. For myself as a mom, i find that things done and said against me by partner i can move on from but when they hurt my son, its so hard. Don't pressure yourself so much and think that you're bad, because it sort of sounds that way. You sound like a great mom and he should work to be a better partner and Dad. It's a two way thing.
Would it be wrong for you and your son to leave him? I'm in an effing relationship where I am seeing that perhaps being with my partner is not the best thing for my son. I can feel it in me that am starting to accept that. I want the happy ever after and the three bear story, but when do you say enough.