Right now I'm at university and quite down.
Basically, I feel as though no matter how much I hang around this group they don't consider me as one of their friends. It's not that they're mean people, in fact, the reason why I've wanted to be friends with them is because they seem like the people I'd most get along with and most would like to be friends with. But I ‘joined’ the group late and I feel I'm still a few steps behind even though I've been there for at least 2 months.
For example, when going for dinner they all knock for each other and go together but I just go down and join them there. When making plans I never really propose an idea because it just feels like I’m not at the stage where I can do that and I feel it may be weird if I did.
Now it's time to choose who to rent houses with for next year and I automatically thought that it would be all of us together. But now, I've found out that they've already discussed it amongst themselves and even booked viewings! One of them did ask me later if I had any plans for houses but said she'd have to discuss it with the others individually before she could confirm if I could join them. I don't really know how I'm supposed to take that. I mean, I don't always want to ALWAYS be the one they only consider afterwards, when the rest of them are always automatically thought of first.
It just feels tougher than it’s supposed to be. I mean it’s just finding people you click with and then building on that but I feel I’m getting nowhere and having to constantly smile when I feel so bad is tiring.
I don't know how to approach the situation because I’m starting to wonder whether these are even the right people for me. I'm still not 100% myself around them but I've always stayed positive with the thinking that if you try hard enough you can become friends with anybody.
I really don't know where it's all gone wrong here. I have my up days when I think, you know what after a year of living with them I will open up we will eventually get closer as friends but then on my down days I just feel that I’m still just a tag-a-long and if I can't be myself is it worth pursuing?
Do I have to confront them and ask them directly where I stand in the group or just continue to be positive because I did join late and eventually people will warm to me and be comfortable around me?
There are different types of friends that people can have. Some can be closer than others. Not everyone will like you or be a friend in the way that you want them to. You just be yourself and do what is most comfortable for you. If you continue to have the feeling that you aren't getting anywhere with the group, hang out with another group or with another person that you find interesting. For instance, you may join a club or association where you can meet new people. Or, maybe you can talk to someone in one of your classes who you think would be a nice friend to have. While you try to make new friends, you can keep the friends you have now if you want to (or not, that's up to you.), but at the same time, don't isolate yourself from others who could be good friends, too. I don't think a confrontation is necessary. If the friendship with the group becomes stronger over time, then it will. If not, then make friends with other people and go from there. TILES
Thank you for your reply.
I think I will just focus on other frienships more. My main issue with this is that right about now is the time everyone is choosing who they want to live with for next year. I thought the security of living with a group was what would make me happiest but now after this I'm thinking otherwise.
I've decided that instead I may like to live with one of the close friends I made on my course and just join her in anything she is currently planning. She's nice enough that I think she'll let me join. But doing this will probably mean living in a place that has, apart from her, all new people and I honestly thought by seond year I'd be settled in terms of friendships. The idea of practically starting again seems so daunting.
Think of it as a good opportunity for new experiences. If you don't like the idea of starting again, then think of it as a way to build on what you already know about friendships and people in general.