What do i dooooo?
Hello everyone.my name is Sarah and I have thought of several ways to share my problems but can seem to find any lasting solution.i met a guy 3yrs plus now nd fell in love instantly with him.i was 22then and he met me a virgin.from all indication then,this guy was ready to commit but I was so sacred of commitment but he said all he wanted was for us to end up together for ever.i was in my first year in the university then and now m in my final year.to cut the long story short..after a year plus I got pregnant and wanted an abortion so desperately but he insisted we v d ban or he wasn't goin to be in my life anymore.he promised we were going to get married almost immediately but to my uttermost surprise,my fiancee was screwing another lady at the youth camp and fell in love with her.i was 6months pregnant when I found out and all this while he convinced me to move in with him and his parents which I did and all through the pregnancy I saw hell.his parents were very supportive and are still very supportive..well after I gave birth I thought all was back to normal because he apologized that he made a mistake to have dated that lady but I guess I was wrong...we had our wedding planned and had a mini intro to choose the wedding date.so I gave birth march 2015 to a beautiful baby girl.he told me afterwards that we were going to move to porthacout after our wedding but to my uttermost surprise,a day after he told me this he called to break off d relationship with mw.my baby was barely two months old and like I said I had already moved on with him and so literally my parents think that we are still together.way before he broke up with me,hw had also done same when I was pregnant but his mom persuaded him to stop all d nonsense he had in mind but this time d shock was too much.i had already moved out of my apartment nd started staying with him and now he had cancelled our wedding plans and told me that several spiritualists told him that I am going to be a proud woman on future and that I might probably leave him after two kids and so for this reason he has to call off the relationship..i was utterly devastated.how do I continue with my life.my baby girl will be 1 in two weeks time but we harldy ever talk.his room is by my room and he has made it utterly clear that we can never be together again but he keeps seeking into my room to read my diary,told me to tell my parents and friends that he would Neva marry me and he also told his parents the same.his parents told him he can never have any other wife apart from me but he is still soo stubborn and does not listen to them.he has no job and we all live together in his parents house and his mom refers to everyone that I am his wife. She promised me that her son would come around that I should just hold on because she would Neva allow her son marry another woman.His parents are also the ones responsible for paying my fees and all my levies in school so I can't say no to them but their son clearly doesn't love me anymore and his mother would not allow me move out of their house and if I say I want to move out by force I will lose my baby girl because they are influencial and powerful in the society and I love my baby girl too much..now I don't know what to do.i will be a graduate in a few months and will be ready to go for my youth service and I am scared as hell of losing my baby...i have cried and prayed severally for him to come back but he hasn't changed his attitude towards me.i am going crazy as to having to see him everyday and we are not even together and his parents cnr do anything about it.plzzzzz I need advice on what to do..here is my email......
Do you have ANYONE to talk to about this situation? Besides this woman and her son?
What an awful situation. This guy and his family have you under the impression that you are trapped - both literally in the house and metaphorically in the sense that he will one day marry you/provide you with commitment (that he isn't capable of) and with the parents paying your fees.
However, you have a baby who you clearly adore and you need to stay strong for. Whilst his parents promise that their son will come around, he is under no obligation to marry you nor to do as they say. Would you really want this cheating, lying and manipulative man to marry you just because his parents have told him to? You deserve better than that.
Despite his parents being influential, removing a baby from its mother is a long and arduous process and takes much much more than someone being in an influential position to put into action. It sounds like you are there for your daughter and any court in its right mind would see that.
Although his parents are paying for your studies, as these are almost finished, it seems that that is something that you don't need to focus on.
You are in an impossible situation with a man who has betrayed you and a family that is not yours. Do you have any family or friends that you can stay with? Do you have an income that can support you moving out on your own with your daughter? You CAN and WILL get out of this situation.
ok so first of all the boy yes i say boy not man dispite his age , is a skeeze ! you probably have a shot with a lawsuit, parential neglegence i am sure you can find some thing that you can sew him for, the way i see it he fliped your world upside down he should pay for what he has done. or you could simple take your child and go! if you still do not want her and you live in the US then you can just leave her in a hospital give her to anurse and tell her you can not take care of her but you want the best for her or say nothing at all. if you do how ever want this humanbeing for the reast of your life then he has a responsibilty as the father, but you do not need to be with him it is ok if you pack your stuff up and leave go back to your parents house or a friends house, you dont have to stick around! i once was in an abusive relationship nobody told me it was alright to get out of so i stuck around i almost died 3 times dont be like me don't make that type of mistake he is not worth it he iis a cheat and once a cheat allways a cheat and if a spiritual guide told you that he is still going to be cheating on you after you have 2 kids whats that tell you? why wait! there are many options for you ! i say get a probono lawyer and tell them every thing that you put on this site and see if you have a case! thats what ide do... you need it is nesaccary that your parents are informed about whats going on,even if they dont support you in the way you need support they should be aware,it is good that his paarents are seemingly supportive of you but they don't have your back as much as they have their own son's back, a simple slap on the wrist is what he gets from them and thats not fair nor right for you nor your child he is the father and you turned your life upside down for him the least he can do is show some repect! you shouldn't get married to him! he will only let you down! why would you want to marry a boy who cheats and causes you to emotionaly hurt and steals your privacy he is a cheat and a theif and he does not want to commit to you? you could find some one so much better than that fool!"how do I continue with my life?" find another place to stay a place where you can afford even if its just temparry once thats in place pack your's and you childs belongings only leave one thing of the childs behind like a photo or a video clip or a blaket or doll or a piece of the childs cloths something simple but a reminder that he has a child nothing of you unless it can not be helped and then start over no contact of any kind unless he reachs out to the child do not mistake using the child as a excuss or a ploy or anything allong thoes lines but if he genuinly wants to see her then if you keep her you should let him and if you do not want to keep her you should tell him that way if he wants to be in her life then if you dont want her then you can leave her with him then that'll be that. this shouldn't be about you and him any more this should be about what is best for the child! is it better for your child to see you so unhappy? think about it this child is a human being a human that will walk talk tand think on its own what is best for her??? think about it! it is your life but its not just you anymore its your childs life also every disishion you make will affect her! his mother is lying toguests why is she ashamed? money shouldnt stop you so she is paying your dept's that good, i say stay until after you graduate and soon as that paper is in your hand then start looking to leave! cause that is what is best for your child - thoe that is just my oppinion. ps you need to find a better hiding place for your diary plus get a lock on your door so he doesnt come into your room when your not there i wouldnt trust his parents either they dont seem like they have your best interst at heart so dont give them a spare...
Thank you all very much for ur words of encouragement.it has really lifted a lot off my shoulders.if I were in the UK or USA this situation would have been different.I am in Nigeria and even though so many people are trying soo hard with a similar problem I have,there is still this norm that it is a mans world over here.i come from a ploygamous family and my mom is d poor one so to say.my father on d other hand is d arrogant self absorbing person I v ever met who doesn't even give a rat ass about me or my siblings.he is currently in the USA now and even after I told him about my challenges he hasn't for once sent me a penny which makes d other family have an edge over me.i will practically lose everything if I as much try to relieve myself from their house.ibv no one to turn to or anywhere to go.it's so sad to da that even I know that I am stuck and the worst part is that this guy says words to my face and I try to give him the impression that I am at peace with it but what does he do ...he goes to his mon telling her that I reply his every word and for this reason I am not submissive and even though he gave it a thought to reconsider his stance he wouldn't because he doesn't want me to say anything but just mop nd squim at his feet.his mom scolded me and told me never to reply him anytime he comes around to talk to me but just act like an obedient servant to every of his wishes.i can't even express myself and I am so sick and tired of bottling a lot in and I don't want to seem ungrateful to his parents esp his mother and be tagged the typical 21st century wife..i am beautiful and don't even have a problem getting any guy I want but as much as am getting so many advances from guys I cant even have a 5mins chat with a guy.it's like I am scarred and I just keep longing for him to come back because I don't even know how to come out to my friends that he has called everything off almost a year ago now..some of my friends wants to come for my daughters birthday but o don't want them to come because once d school get ahold of this information I am hiding I'll become practically a laughing stock so I pretend I am in a higly satisfactory relationship but it kills mw everyday.