Can you go from a relationship back to casual dating with the same person?
OK... So... When you meet someone... and you both just click.. and everything is really the way it should be.. Things are not perfect, but you manage to communicate so well and work through things together, and everything just seems to be exactly what is needed in a partner. When you accept and understand each other's flaws. When this person cares. Makes you laughs. And you really just enjoy their company, their time, and exactly who they are. When you realize that you have never connected with anyone on this level, and this person may just be the perfect person for you. And when you have plenty of experience with the wrong people. Timing can really be an issue.
I met someone 3 months ago, and since day one until today we have been the most compatible people ever in both of our lives. We truly love each other and care about each other. But neither of us is ready for a serious relationship. However, meeting someone who seems to be the person of your dreams, even when you're not ready for something serious, you feel a little self pressured to give it a try and see if you can make it work because you are afraid you may miss out on the greatest opportunity of your life. That being said. We tried. And we both realized that we are just not at the right time in either of our lives for the overhead responsibility and commitment of a real full blown relationship. So we had to end it.
Now. Nothing has changed between us in terms of how we feel about each other. We are still extremely close. Still love each other. Still enjoy each other's company. And still are attracted to each other. Neither of us are jealous people. Neither of us want commitment. And neither of us are upset about the breakup. Because it was never about the relationship to us it was just about each other. We hold each other very highly in our lives and are extremely close and neither of us ever want to lose that.
However, being stricly platonic friends does not seem reasonable since we enjoy each other physically as well and are still attracted. We both need to have our own time and our own life and our own friends. We both want to be single and focus on ourselves. We would both like to date other people. But very casually.
So the question is, is it possible that we could date casually again as well? Maybe once a week or so. Just hang out. Do simple things. With the possibility of having sex. I say that because we feel we should just be natural with each other and act how we always did. Because it worked for us before it got serious too. We just both had convinced ourselves a relationship was something we wanted because it felt so right with us. We never stopped to consider what our lives were really like and whether a relationship was a good idea for us. So after a short 3 month relationship that was very loving and got serious way too fast can we casually date again?
We just really enjoy each other's time and we have fun and are very flirty and get along so well. We would really like to hold on to those good things about each other and continue getting closer as friends or whatever it is we are. We just want to have no expectations or commitment to needing a future together or having to be accountable or responsible to each other. We want to be able to be us and do our own thing in life without having to be worrying about a serious relationship.
I personally feel completely fine with us not being in a relationship, and her dating other people or even having sex with other people. I think we have done a good job of keeping sex and feelings separate between us.I honestly just want her time and company and friendship and to still enjoy the amazing person she is and have that in my life. Just not everyday 24/7. And we also have a great sex life and connect very well sexually. And she seems to want the exact same thing. We have talked this through many times, for weeks, and we are on the same page and have really tried to look at every angle of this. But searching online, all results are about going from casual dating to a serious relationship, and I can't find anything about anyone ever going from a new, but fairly serious feeling relationship back to casual dating with the same person. I don't want to feel like we are the only people in the world who think this way or have been in this situation.
you said it : "we want to be able to be us and do our own thing" - that's it and it's healthy - it's good to be able to be autonomous - whether alone or in a relationship - too often people think that because they're in a relationship - they have to merge and make everything "one" and then often after a while they find they've lost touch with their own personal individual life and then you get the problems
it's good I think to be able to be in a relationship while being totally autonomous/independent - especially on the emotional/feeling/investing/expecting part - then each on has to consider how they feel about the sexual part (fidelity or not or some other arrangement that both can agree on) and the financial and living place (living together or not - or together in a big house with each one having their own space - mixing money or not)
being able to live an autonomous/independent life is being able to live one's own life - and then share some (or part or more with another) : there is no blueprint on how two people "should" be together even though the "American dream" tells you how to
apparently you're both doing fine and having a great relationship : keep it going :)
so you can close your eyes and emagine her with somebody other than you having sex? and your content with her getting felt up by some one else and getting to have her cl*t licked and kissing on some body else you are truely alright with this? if you saw her hanging on some one else in a reasstraunt or a fast food joint you would feel content with it? like she was was your sister or a highschool friend or a stranger???
well then i say do whatever you feel is correct cause if your truely 100 % content with that after you two were serious then... i dont know... how does one keep the sexual feeling seprate after youve bee physicaly intamate with eachother your already emotionaly intamate so how does that work? i dont get it? i consider my self to be natural as well but i just dont understand how you can seperate! i guess you can try it the causual thing but from my experience it wont work. it's either all or nothing...
Honestly. Yes. I can close my eyes and imagine it. I'm alright with it. If I saw her with someone else, as long as she didn't make it super awkward or do anything stupid, totally fine with it. It has nothing to do with her being a sister or friend or stranger.
I have a friend who is a porn star. Who has a great relationship with someone. I know couples who swing and swap partners. People can, if they really are in the right state of mind, separate sex from feelings. Sometimes you make love. Sometimes you just want to f*ck.
As long as it's not with someone I'm close to and have to interact with regularly so it doesn't become awkward between me and them. I'm fine. As long as she's not banging some guy and coming to me right afterwards. I'm fine. I seriously just like spending time with her and I also like having sex with her. That is all I want. I think it really depends on people and how they feel and what works for them.
I love her as a person. I want her in my life. I want to see her and act how we always act. And I want to have sex with her. I want nothing more than that. At least not right now. I don't have to be jealous. It's not a competition. I know how well I perform. I'm confident in myself. I don't have to worry about someone stealing her away from me because she's not mine.
In all truth, the thought of her having sex with someone, being felt up by someone, someone licking her cl*t - the thought of her being turned on and being pleased - that kind of turns me on. All I care about is losing her in my life and not being able to still be attracted to her and have that great sex that we have.