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Never felt like this before

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I'll make this as short as possible. I'm married with children. My marriage has been on the rocks for years, due to his alcoholism and working endless hours every week. He denies wanting to end the marriage, says he just can't stop
drinking. I'm at my wits end and don't talk to people about it. I feel lonely all the time. I don't spend time with anyone anymore. Anyway, my best friend, who is also female, apparently senses that things aren't well. She checks on me daily via phone or Facebook. She tells me regularly how beautiful I am and how much she appreciates me being in her life, etc. She's emotionally supportive even when I don't want to disclose what the problem is. We both have crazy schedules so we don't see each other in person more than once or twice a month. Anyway, problem is, that my best friend is also a very beautiful woman, and I am finding myself attracted to her. I am
confused because I'm heterosexual, have never had an interest in a woman in my life--yet I find myself fantasizing about her. Is something wrong with me? Or is my loneliness just being wooed by her attention and kindness?

Never felt like this before

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"My marriage has been on the rocks for years, due to his alcoholism and working endless hours every week."

Well - that's enough to pull someone's self esteem down!!

Please consider attending Alanon. That is a self-help group for people who are living with alcoholics. You will hear how others are coping.

You have been neglected; a beautiful, admirable, attentive person tells you that you are worthy and beautiful. No wonder you have feelings for her!

Can you see how big of a hole you are in - emotionally, physically and spiritually?

Never felt like this before

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It's not unusual to fall somewhat in love with someone who supports you.

It's also not impossible that you *are* somewhat in love with your friend - sexuality isn't quite as binary as many people make it out to be.

I think both of these are minor, though, compared to your husband's drinking and possibly/maybe ending your marriage. I'd second the recommendation for Alanon and, also, if he insists that he wants to stay married, see if he cares enough to get help. Right now, your marriage doesn't sound good, but that is a current state, not a destiny.

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Hi Marisa,

I was married to an alcoholic for 9 years and I knew in my heart for so long it was over, and yet I held on.
I put up with so many lies, abuse, and negligence over the years it really took its toll on me.

It's a very hurtful place to be in and I feel for you and your kids.
You could suggest counselling to him and if he is not interested perhaps look into a divorce.
It takes two to make a marriage work.

I think maybe the issue with your friend is she is filling the emotional void in your life and you are looking for that love and support that your husband should be giving you.
Focus on how to fix your marriage and if you can't then leave.

Also I think the advice about Alanon is great for you

Never felt like this before

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Thank you all for your replies. I'm looking into Alanon in my area. Maybe I can learn some coping skills that I haven't already tried. I think I'm just beyond frustrated and really tired of dealing with it on a daily basis.

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