PeoplesProblems Logo

What do guys actually mean and feel?

Default profile image
Hey there.
i recently broke up with my boyfriend(now ex) and he gave me alot of different reasons.

Here are some of the reasons he gave me:
"i dont love you as much as last time"
"the feeling is different"
"i have no time"
"my feelings faded"
"both parties will get hurt"

What does he actually mean? Even though he said all these to me, i know he texts my best friend(she screenshot the convo), he says he still cares for me and cries for me.He said im a good girl but he will only hurt me. He even sent her a picture which says "I want to love you...but if its not right, what can i do?" He said that is how he is feeling now.
Can someone, preferably a guy, tell me what exactly is he feeling inside? what does it mean by "its not right". A friend of mine told me that he is probably too stressed that even he does not know the reason. I dont want to ask him straight, im scared it will stress him even more. I still love him and i know he still loves me deep down(i can feel it). I want to get him back, i dont want to lose him.

What do guys actually mean and feel?

Default profile image
I'm no guy but I would suggest that you do in fact ask him straight up. If you've lost him, what else do you have to lose? There seems to be more behind the story than just a simple, " I want to love you but not hurt you" speech. Is he entering a career that demands drastic changes? Is he experiencing a change in his life? Does he want to explore new things but does not want to hurt you in the process? These questions needs answering.

Also, how old is he? How old are you?

- Dancelot

What do guys actually mean and feel?

Default profile image
He's taking a major exam in october. However when my best friend asked him if that was really just the reason, he said it was just part of it. He wants me to believe that was really then main reason to why he broke my heart. Im 18 and he is 19.

What do guys actually mean and feel?

Default profile image
Hi there,

I'm not a guy neither but to me it sounds like it's typical male commitment issues.

You are both still young and my instincts tell me he is not ready to handle the seriousness of being settled down and responsibility for your feelings and well being.

In one way it's good that he is being honest with you, but I know it hurts and is not easy.

Maybe try giving him his space for a while and then talk to him again about it all.

Give him time to think things over and give yourself time too.

What do guys actually mean and feel?

Default profile image

I intend to give him space but im worried he might lose all feelings for me if i do so. On the day we broke up, he started to hang out with some girls and one of the girls was the one who stole my first boyfriend(the main guy is my second). I feel some type of way and im not sure if its normal or not but its bugging me.

What do guys actually mean and feel?

Default profile image
If on the same day that the relationship ended he started hanging out with some SINGLE? girls then the action (seemingly) speaks for itself as well as explains why he wished to end it. It's been too emotionally fraught or just too difficult being beholden to someone all the time, and he wants a lighter, more casual relationship, one that allows freedom more befitting his young, 'only dating' age and time to focus on his studies... hence effectively went straight out into the middle of the dating market to buy a new one.

If it's not that then he did it for effect and manipulative leverage, *knowing* his being in the company of this 'boyfriend stealer' and her (logical assumption) likemindeds would get you worried and suddenly hugely attentive... in which case the question would be, Had you dropped your level of attentiveness towards him, lately, as would make him want to make you think you were dumped, get jealous and start chasing after him, promising this/that/this, all the things you wouldn't do/give (or that he thought you'd decline) in the run-up to when he ended it?

The fact he's talking to YOUR BEST FRIEND and deliberately letting her (i.e. you) know that he hates being broken up as much as you, speaks volumes in how it encourages you to have hope.

So... for now, rsvp my questions?

What do guys actually mean and feel?

Default profile image
I just met up with him today for a movie today.
He still treats me the same, smiling at me, singing songs out loud, but the only difference is we do not hug/kiss and no holding of hands. We're just like normal friends.
However when i was trying to remove something huge from my bag which got stuck(it was really big), he grabbed me by the shoulders(like the past) suddenly and "moved" me to a corner. I was surprised.
Why would he do that when we were the only ones standing there and not blocking anyone?
Also, I'm confused if he just treats me as a friend, its only been a week since we broke off.
And lastly, if he tells his close female friends(they've been friends for 5years) that we broke up, does that mean he has no intention of getting back together?

What do guys actually mean and feel?

Default profile image
Why would he move you to a corner despite no traffic were coming through? I don't know. Why would he do it in the past? To snog you? Just to get you 'alone' in a corner to increase the sense of mental intimacy?

More to the point would be, why would you be willing to pretend you're just friends and were always nothing more than that, with a newly-ex-boyfriend?

*Marrieds* break-up. But that doesn't have any bearing on whether they should have or whether to reconcile after however long (years sometimes). So, no, it doesn't mean anything, not until the situation has been allowed to remain for however many weeks or months.

He is not acting like a man who's done with his girlfriend, though. Unless he's an approval-seeker who wants everyone, no exceptions, to like him? But then that doesn't explain why he'd replicate a habit (moving you) that belonged to a Lovers relationship echelon that according to him no longer exists between you and which thereby is completely inappropriate to try to transfer into a platonic friendship?

It sounds like he's deliberately trying to pose as a temptation in order to mentally torture you for a while. So I think I'm right, this is a case of 'treat her mean to keep/make her keen(er)'. Or a case of him getting great ego boosts out of keeping you/a whole crowd of women secretly hankering after him?

I would give him a wide berth if I were you. So that you can start to get him out of your system. After all, if it turns out he always *did* want to keep being your boyfriend, but just wanted meantime to furtively knock you down a peg or two, then he's not a nice person (unless you weren't nice to him, hence his wanting to teach you a lesson to next time round appreciate him better?), or turns out he just got a kick out of being aware yours (and other girls') eyes are ever-squarely and -hopefully on him - whichever - then you allowing detachment to happen will be a win/win situation for you because:
[a] If he proves he was just keeping you dangled on a string only for ego-boost purposes, you'll give less of a damn by then, or
[b] If he wants to get back together, you'll be cooler than before, meaning, he'll have to woo you back up to that prior temperature all over again, won't he ("Lobster THIS way, please, waiter", LOL ;-)).

So I think he's playing with your heart, whether for a 'good' reason (albeit, he COULD just BE HONEST, surely?) or for a selfish one. Time (and more gossip and acting-out) will tell.

This thread has expired - why not start your own?