Not sure what to do
have been with my husband for almost 10 years. He abuses me mentally all time, my nephew passed away almost 11 years ago and I have PTSD and severe depression from it and he will say really mean things about it to put me in tears and has grabbed me hard and has pushed me to the ground before. I have told him I want divorce many times and he gets mad. I would just pick up and leave but I don't have the money to do anything because he controls the money and we also have 4 kids together which makes it even harder. He will also get jealous about what I think is nothing like I will text my assignment manager about if my paycheck is ready to be picked up and my husband gets jealous and stays mad for days. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about it either and I don't know what to do.
You do not deserve to be treated this way. Your kids to not deserve to be shown how to treat people this way. To be honest your post infuriates me because I am divorcing my husband of 10 years for attacking me while I was sleeping. We have 2 kids together and has harmed my daughter before as well. I was unhappy in the marriage, but never once mentioned divorce util I meant it. You need to stop the empty threats. Get control of your paycheck. He's using that as a ball and chain. You are an independent individual who will make responsible and smart decisions for your children and set an example for them about how to be strong and live a happy, healthy life. Don't worry about the money. I'm surviving while working and going to school full time. Make the choice for your happiness. For your kids' happiness. Either he needs to change or you need to leave. My ex and I saw a counselor before we separated, which solidified my decision. Make sure it's a counselor you like too. We saw 2, the first one I hated. Take steps, any steps to get out of that mess!
If it's any consolidation my parents divorced in a very tender time of my life and I ended up fine through the whole situation. Hopefully your children can have the same experience and understand that it is for the best of you and them to carry through with the divorce.
Your husband acts downright dangerous!!
Is there a women's shelter near you? Pack up the kids, take all your important papers - license, birth certificates, school and medical records - and walk out.
These shelters are located in a safe place for you and your children to get stabilized. They can also help with legal assistance and getting a place to live.
Honey...I understand that it can be scary to leave for the unknown. But do this for your kids; they need to be shown what a healthy relationship looks like. Especially if there are boys too, because they need a positive male to look up to, and this guy is so definitely not it. You deserve better, and so do they. Take Susie's advice about looking into a shelter. They usually have programs to help you find housing/food/jobs. Also...if you have a job, then why do you have no access to your earned money? This stinks of control and a set up very similar to other abusive situations...I'm sorry to say this, but it will only get worse. Make a plan now...start putting money away, and get yourself and those precious kids out!