Obsessed with an onscreen couple! Need help urgently!!
About 4 years back, there was a TV show that I was completely crazy about. I was totally smitten by the onscreen chemistry of the lead pair of that show. In fact, I still am! I also joined an online discussion forum for that show, last year. Even though it's been more than a year since the show ended, I'm still not over them. They've become a vital part of my life. Also, since I'm yet to join college this year and am practically sitting idle at home since months after school ended, my subconscious mind is always plagued by their thoughts. I keep watching those old episodes, pics and posts made on them, online.
I keep thinking of the couple and show, and missing then most of the time...and keep getting nostalgic about those times when the show was on air and I could see my favorite couple onscreen.
Last year, when the lead actress signed another show, opposite another actor, I was shattered. And I'm feeling heartbroken again, now that there's news that the lead actor has also signed another show opposite some other actress. I know that I'm sounding extremely unpractical, right now. And believe me, I'm hardly ever seen behaving so impractically in any other sphere of life.
The thing is that I just CAN'T see them paired opposite any other onscreen partner! They're just so, so perfect together. They're complementary to each other, for me. Nowadays, when I see people getting excited about his new show with the other actress, on the online discussion forum, I start feeling low and depressed. I feel like breaking down. ;'( I'm feeling very helpless. And I'm too embarrassed to discuss this issue with my family or even close friends, cause they're absolutely clueless about this aspect of mine. And not being able to talk to anyone about it, is eating me from inside. I feel miserable!
I'd be really grateful if, somebody could tell me how do I deal with this situation. Maybe I need to get over my obsession for this couple, or stop visiting that forum. I really don't know what to do. I also have entrance exams to answer, in the coming days and I'm not able to give full concentration on studies, because of problem. Please help me!!
What was it and still is, specifically, about this couple that so enthrals you? Also, to help any respondents to better understand - what's the series called? And are you aware that this is not an uncommon attitude on the part of series viewers, meaning, you're not fruit-loopy and can relax a bit?
I'm still not over Matthew Crauley getting killed off in Downtown Abbey, so relax.
However, if all this interfers with my daily life and ability to interact with people, I'll seek counseling.
I think sometimes when we enjoy a thing so much, we really make it a part of our lives and our mindsets. This can be something like a TV show that we've followed for the past 6 years, or a coffee shop that we've come to rely on for a cup o' joe every morning.
TV shows fill interesting voids, because they create characters who don't exist, and the show has an atmosphere and continuity all its own. We look forward to seeing the ongoing story of a character or group of characters, or a weekly reality show or police drama or whatever, and it becomes a part of our weekly routine, and definitely a source of afterthought and inspiration. The characters don't exist outside of a scripted show. The characters in reality TV are embellished. But perhaps what makes TV viewing most interesting is the way in which our minds actively interact with the show, and think about and process what we are viewing.
And while there may not actually be a group of misfits who work at Paddy's Pub and come up with crazy schemes whenever we turn our TV off, I like to think that there are facets of those characters within every single one of us - and that is why we can relate to it all to begin with. Somewhere, out there, your proverbial Jim and Pam do exist - just not those characters. Or maybe they don't exist, but they have the potential to - all it takes is two people who have a similar kind of chemistry.
Acting is just that. I have to wonder if maybe the reason why the loss of this show and these characters bothers you so much because you wish you could have this kind of chemistry with someone, or at least know that someone like them can in fact exist. I know when the show LOST ended, it had an impact on me because I had invested a lot of time in watching that show, and following all of the little threads of what was going on in it. For a while I felt like a part of my life had ended with the show, and I felt only partially pleased with the resolution of everything. But life moves on. And maybe if you can take something from the show, here and there, then cool. But there's so much more to life than just stories - there is your own story to make. And it might just surprise and amaze you more than any TV show could.
They're the best looking onscreen pair that I've ever come across! Also, I was, and still am, completely in awe of their love story, which was a damn passionate one!
Honestly, I want to get over them. Having an appreciation for something is healthy and normal, but being obsessed with it is not. To start with, two days back, I've already deleted all their pictures, videos n audios that I'd recorded in my phone and I'm also planning to leave that discussion forum, which keeps reminding me of them and doesn't allow me to detach.
Although, I still have this urge to visit the forum every time I use the internet, maybe because I'm so habituated to visiting it and reading fanfictions on them. But I don't think, as long as I follow this ritual, I will never be able to get over this obsession.
I realise that I don't wanna feel this miserable and hopeless, for a lifetime. Being in the showbiz, they will be signing many more projects with other onscreen partners...I just don't want to feel such kinda helplessness over and over again, everytime they sign a new show! Afterall, they don't even know that such kinda crazy fan of their exists! They can easily move on with each new project, while fans like me remain terribly stuck with their previous characters and pairing...
That's why I want this obsession of mine to end...
But then, I don't know how to go ahead with this...What should I do to remove my focus from them...The more conscious effort do I put to forget them, the more is my mind flying back to them.
Can anybody suggest some way to let go of it? I sincerely wanna get rid of this limitation...but I feel somewhat disillusioned...
Yeah, I'm with Altreal.
*Everyone* has some sort of obsession or addiction - a crutch. No matter what it is you're addicted to, to whatever degree, be it a TV series, (cough!) Angry Birds, (cough-cough!) a lover, (cough-HACK-cough!) ciggie smoking, food/sweets, whatever - what you've instinctively been doing - weaning yourself off - is the correct method when you want to lose the addiction. Particularly when your 'drug supply' shop has closed down, leaving only vicarious means to mental satisfaction open to you (replaying it all in your head or watching re-runs, etc.). Only you're being too impatient with and hard on yourself, expecting to be mentally addiction-free in '0.6 seconds'. And because it's not happening that fast, you think you're failing at, effectively, de-programming yourself.
You're not. These things take time (after all, think about how long it took for the dependency to take root). But to speed it up you may want to add RE-programming yourself at the same time, by which I mean... Whenever someone's addicted to something which, although technically harmless in your case in terms of bodily, is proving bothersome or obstructive, I always advise them to seek out a healthier 'Methadone' as a replacement or 'bridge' to becoming addiction-free. What you need to do, then, is get into some new, less affecting (but still very enjoyable) series or show...or perhaps something completely new and different.
As long as it's in whatever ways healthier and less addictive, possibly even life-enhancing in real ways, something you can live happily alongside or incorporate into your lifestyle without it taking over or merely hogging your daily thoughts that bit too much, and which you can more easily skip here and there whenever need be, then - join the club, basically.
But I do, same as Altreal, suspect you were using this ongoing on-screen love-affair as your relationship by proxy (and, now, **avoidance aid). You said it yourself that what you were smitten with was their relationship - their chemistry and how it affected how they interacted. I think it's therefore pretty obvious that you need to create your own series - for which you obviously need a co-star - so that you become your own romance series star and no longer need the 'hits' the TV version gives you... because you've got the real thing, first-hand. So whenever you get the urge to go onto that fan forum, why not instead have a cruise around the online dating or friendship sites?
**Do I take it that deep down you'd rather *not* succeed at these entrance exams because of the road they'll lead you fairly inextricably onto, and would rather pursue some other route towards an eventual career, e.g. get a job at 'ground level' and work your way up, so that at least you're getting cash in your pocket *as* you learn?...the University of Life, as it's referred to? Or might you 'passive-aggressively' be trying to engineer for yourself a Gap Year, rather than immediately get stuck back into yet another long and full-on course of studies, but are at a loss about what alternatives there are that are open to you?
If so, seeing as you're at the perfect age and stage, have you ever thought of going back-packing (in an arranged twosome or group) to see and experience different countries and cultures and a radically new routine, the type where you've saved just enough for your fare out to whichever starting country and for tiding you over in between casual, temporary, cash-in-hand jobs, like working in beach bars or waiter-ing?
Alternatively, if travelling doesn't appeal, I'd have thought a 'starter job' in TV production would be the obvious choice?
You just need to replace this obsession, basically. Either with something bigger or with lots of little and varied things that amount to being almost equal in 'weight' yet are more productive and over which *you* have control of when it ends.
As for the over-temptation this fan forum (this 'grave site') poses. Might it be an idea to ask for the owner's help in the form of his blocking your IP address for you?
Forgot to add, though... If none of that appeals or works then, as Susie said, you might want to think about seeking the help of a counsellor to switch your thinking? That would, however, involve confiding in your parents so that they can foot the bill. But that's their job-stroke-privilege and, as I say, this - attaching to something seemingly unorthodox - isn't actually as unique or rare predicament to be in, so... don't be backwards about coming forwards, will you. They might even surprise you with tales of their own past obsessions, you never know... plus those are the sorts of conversations that build or improve bonds.
I think, you guys are getting it right.
Undeniably, I was way too fascinated by the characters...for they were larger-than-life sort of...something which cannot really happen in reality! I never took them as a piece of fiction, or for that matter, even as actors acting out scripted scenes...I alwayns chose to believe that they were real characters, living and breathing...and somewhere in the middle of all this, my mind failed to differentiate between the actors and characters...As a result, I have ended up being so involved, that now it hurts to even imagine them with other co-stars. Silly!!
Yeah, I guess it's time for me to introduce major changes in my routine...Travelling could actually be a great option. Though, I'll have to content myself with little outings, around the nearby places, or even pursue a hobby at home, for the time being,...until exams get over...The thing is that I need enough distractions that don't allow my mind to keep wandering around them, all the time...
Oh! Why is letting go so difficult? -_- Patience and perseverance, should be my mantra now! I confess, that I was being a bit too harse on myself. How could I even expect the temptations to die down, the moment I made the rigorous decision? Sadly enough, I succumbed to it, by visiting the fan forum twice or thrice, in the last 4 days. But I still see it as an improvement, as the number is quite less than what it earlier used to be and I didn't even interact or comment on any post...Plus, not having access to the older episodes or their pictures, is definitely helping to starve the addiction...I need to be firmer in my resolve...coz it's hell tough to stick to it!!! I literally feel like fighting a battle, mentally, most of the time! -_-
Suggestions and advices from u guys are really proving to be beneficial...it is kinda replenishing my heart with courage, every time I'm reading through it...
Thanks a lot, peeps!
It's *not* silly (is!/isn't!/is!/isn't!.. LOL), it's an evo-psychological 'design fault'...common stuff, over which our minds have too little control. For example, were you aware (if you're a Brit) that the 'villains' of EastEnders when it first took off got accosted/aggressed and spat on in the street for their character's crimes, just because people got so quickly and deeply involved with all the characters and their lives that they could no longer in their minds separate the the real-life, perfectly nice, perfectly decent actors from their on-screen character? Same went for Coronation Street, apparently.
Couldn't find the newspaper piece from at the time, but - here (from the New York Times, 1985):
During the British television showing of ''The Jewel in the Crown,'' a woman accosted Tim Pigott-Smith in a London street. Brandishing a menacing umbrella at him, she cried ''If you owned a restaurant, I'd come and poison the food.'' This somewhat obscure threat was prompted by the actor's deeply-felt portrayal of Ronald Merrick, the sadistic Police Superintendent whose persecution of the Anglo-Indian Hari Kumar triggers a chain of tragic events in the 14-part Granada series currently enjoying great success on American public-TV's ''Masterpiece Theater.''
Nuff said. That's what you get (and what as an actor you take 'happily' on the chin as a sign of having made it) for giving your all when portraying a plausible character according to a plausible storyline and script (or even just a storyline that heavily appeals or that we can identify with).
You'd be having as equally a bad time if what you'd invested had been a lump sum of cash in some medium-risk ISA, only for the bank to go bust on you, meaning you lost the lot (and with no recourse). Investment is the point. And it takes time to get over it.
It's called the Investment Principle (go Google). The more and longer you've invested, the more supremely difficult for any human to cut their losses and let go/walk away. Same goes for being unable to cancel a taxi that's late and instead order another, because the taxi rank keeps assuring you it's on its way (not), fooling you into thinking it'd be quicker and more sensible to keep waiting than just call another firm, or being unable to ditch a relationship that after a year or more has begun to increasingly deteriorate. The more time and effort you've invested, the more difficult it is to write it off and begin again. There does *come* a time, though, that your mind realises that holding on represents futility...and once that realisation is registered is when the animal's survival instinct ("avoid all futile energy expenditure") takes over and triggers it to cease minding and go get on with something productive. That's why it's imperative when dieting to grit your teeth and clock up a good week: you then feel unable to ditch that incredible effort by giving into temptation.
Yes, you just need to be a bit more patient. The fact you can see *an* improvement happening is the important thing. It'll start speeding up soon, no worries.
(You're welcome peep!
Indian couple ?