Hi. so i have been dating this guy from work for nearly 5 months now ,since he asked for my number last year in December. things were going really REALLY well, i don't normally seem to ever progress to a second date with a guy, i just have a long list of first dates that i didn't follow up, as i feel since the breakup of my 3 year serious relationship a few years ago has left me with more clarity in what i need and want in a person, and I'm not the sort of person who can force a connection for the sake of being in a relationship, i would rather be on my own than with the wrong person! so when i met the guy I'm currently dating i knew something was different when i actually felt excited at the prospect of seeing him again, because i very rarely feel that way towards someone. our first couple of dates have been awesome (maybe the best i have ever had) even though we kept it casual just going for drinks at pubs and bars, i can't remember the last time i have felt so happy and comfortable in someones company.
however the last few dates in previous weeks have not gone to plan...strike one was on our 4th date, i had asked him during the week if he was free that weekend, he had replied yes no problem and that he would be up for meeting me, nothing more was said about the plans until the friday or saturday, so for the sake of being organised i prompted him again about making plans to meet up, he then continues to tell me that he completely forgot that he had committed to over time at work so the only time he could do was after he finished work at 9pm on the sunday night...which was fine...a little late but i was willing to still meet him as i like him a lot so I'm prepared to make the effort.
so sunday comes round and i don't hear off him all day ,despite me sending him a text in the morning to remind him to let me know where we are actually going to meet that night so i could meet him there for 9...at about 7:45pm still have heard nothing from him, so as been as it normally takes me about an hour to do my hair and makeup and get dressed etc. i start to get ready anyway as i figure i would rather be ready to go than not ready to go if he left texting me up until the last min. so by the time 9pm comes around (the time we are supposed to be meeting) i have been sat around waiting on his text for nearly 40 mins with all my hair and makeup done and ready to go with still no idea what is going on or where we are going or if he is even coming...i phone him twice with no answer ,at this point i just feel frustrated, confused and to be honest a little like i had been stood up, all i could do was just hope there was a logical answer to his lack of communication.
at about 9:20 i finally got a text from him explaining how he was tired from work, and that he had gone too heavy on the booze on saturday night, so was feeling a little rough still. i had no idea what any of that had to do with letting me down at the last minute...he has had all day to contact me! instead he had just left me hanging on a thread for hours on end waiting on one simple text from him! so i phoned him straight away in need of more clarification, and when he heard how upset and hurt i was he was genuinely shocked, he really hadn't expected that i would be this bothered about him not communicating with me, so much so that in the end despite it nearly being 10pm at this point ,he called a taxi to my house to pick me up and take me out for a drink anyway, the entire time he apologised profusely to me and promised it wouldn't happen again, so by the end of the night all have been forgiven and forgot.
strike 2 happened last sunday once agin he had told me he was free the weekend so i set about planning another date. the last time we had met up he has briefly mentioned that we should try and do something different next time we met, and he had also confirmed that he did all being well see 'us' heading towards a relationship, so i decided that i should book us a table at a nice restaurant as been as it looked like things were heading in a more serious direction rather than just the casual drinks we had been going out for previously. so i tell him on friday that i had booked 2 tables at different places and he could pick which one suited him better time wise, so we agreed on the half 8 reservation for sunday night.
by sunday i am quite excited about having this nice romantic meal i have planned, so again i start doing my hair and makeup ready to go out, then i get a text off him asking how much i think its going to cost as he is really skint, my heart dropped at thought of not seeing him, so i offered to pay the whole thing justifying that i had picked the place so i would be happy to pay for it as well, but he wouldn't hear of me paying the whole bill so once again last min i had to cancel the reservation and spend sunday night on my own, we spoke on the phone again that night and once again he was so apologetic when i let him know just how let down i felt and that i felt like he wasn't interested in me anymore because he just didn't seem to be making the same sort of effort that i was willing to put in, but he was adamant that couldn't be further from the truth and that he really did like me, so in response i have shifted all the planning of the next date onto him so he can prove it, but even so he said to make up for lost time together he would try to meet me during this week in between me being at uni and work as I'm going away this weekend when we would usually go out, so he said he would call me the next day to arrange something...yet here i am 2 days later still waiting for a phone call!
just don't know what to make of the situation, when we are together its so amazing, like i said i have admittedly been on a lot of dates and this one feels different, so I'm gutted about his sudden lack of commitment. I'm struggling to find excuses and reasons to forgive him now, i realise we are all human and we all forget and make mistakes, but is he taking the piss a little now? the only thing i can think of to justify his actions is that he has never had a girlfriend or even dated before so lacks in experience and knowledge of how girls and dating works. I'm very straight talking and blunt and i know if i was reading this i would probably advise the person to end it, but I'm reluctant to as i haven't felt this way in years and i think we could have something special, i just don't know why he is doing this to me....
has anyone else experienced anything like this? and how did you deal with it ? do you think its intentional or just part of his character and lack of experience? (he does have a rather clumsy, forgetful, in a world of his own, laid back type personality) i was just under the impression that if you care for someone you try to put your best foot forward and make the effort...? especially as been as he only promised me a few days ago that this wouldn't happen again, and that he was going to make the effort blah blah blah, and already it seems his words about phoning me to arrange a meet up this week were just empty ones
You say "I'm struggling to find excuses and reasons to forgive him" Not only do you play the male roll (the pursuer), you also make up his excuses and
You're being played and I think you know it, but choose to be in denial. People do what they want to do. If he wanted to really date you he would (period). He's not be that into you and his behavior should have gotten that message across to you.
End this. No more contact, no more pursuing him. You also say " I think we could have something special, I just don't know why he's doing this to me" He's doing this to you because he can and you accept it.