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Relationship advice

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Hi All,

So this is my story. I know a girl who is my best friend may be atleast I think of her as best friend. We both are from India and I met her in India and we became friends. I moved to US a year later. So almost 3 years ago I asked her out and she said yes. I was so happy. But next day she told me that she doesnt want to go out with me and she wasnt sure. We had a fight about it and in the end we ended up not talking to each other for a year. In between that period she pinged me twice or thrice but I never replied.

Then a year later I called her on her birthday. She was so happy and we started to go along pretty well. But she kept telling me that something bad happened to her in that year. I asked her and she kept telling me she does not want me to know about it. But eventually she told me what had happened. Apparently one of our common friend proposed her and ask her to marry him. She said yes. But since we are Hindu Indians we ask our parents for permission. (Please dont give me stick about us being traditional Hindus). Her parents refused since that guy didnt work anywhere and was at home. I immediately told her that we should stop talking to each other right away cause I might still have feelings about her and I dont want to have to go through all that stuff again.But she begged me saying that she does not have any friends and she needed me cause I was her best friend. So I stayed saying that I will always have feelings for her. She said she is fine with that but she will not say yes to me until she has no other choice. I said it is alright I can wait. I asked her if she has feeling for that other guy and she said no she does not. (Note this)

Within a week she started asking me if I am talking to her just because I have feelings for her. I said yes that is one of the parts and that will never change. Then she said that she will only give me a chance if she is unable to find any other guy. So we had a huge fight again but this time I decided to stay. I said a lot of things and she did say stuff but i decided to stay. We had arguments again. But during this time we were talking to each other every day. Please note this fact that we were talking to each other every day. Eventually few months went and I asked her to marry me. She said she will do what her parents will tell her to do cause she is confused.(Again please dont judge me.) I said i dont want their decision, I want to know if you are ready to marry me. She still said she was confused but she talked to her parents about me. Her dad wanted to talk to me and I spoke with him and he seemed ok with everything and he wanted to talk to my parents. Everything went well y parents were ok with it. I work in US and this girl is in India. So her dad said that he wanted to see me before he agrees on anything. My parents were ok with it. And we decide when I will go to india we will talk about the future. This was in August and I was going to go to India in october. So for 2 months I kept asking her that I want to here her decision first before I talk to her dad. She kept on saying her decision doesnt matter and she will do what her dad will say. I knew she was going to screw up in the end but I decided to try my luck and trust her on this cause I absolutely LOVE her.

So finally I went to India. But unfortunately my grandpa (who literally raised me) got really sick and doctor said he might not make it. But my grandpa wanted me to go meet her and atleast fix the marriage before he dies. So after travelling on 20 hour flight and reaching india at night I went to see her next morning. It was again 5 hours drive and of course we were all worn out. We went to her place and the atmosphere in the room was so bad. Her dad had that look on her face of why the hell are these people here. Even she had the same look. Then we went to her room to talk more. There she asked me why should she marry me and I started telling her how much I love her and she kept staring at her cell phone without even looking at me. So I told her to atleast listen to what I am saying. So she asks me I dont want to leave India and come to US. I was like you knew this all along. WTF. You could have told me this long before. Anyways being a gentleman I remained calm. My parents agreed to everything they wanted. So we came home thinking everything went well. Next day her dad calls and tell my dad that they dont want this marriage to happen. My dad has a lot of self respect and he said it was fine. I was shattered. But again I thougth its ok she tried. I was hoping she will ping me saying that she tried or how was I since she was the one who said NO. But she didnt send me any message any call. So I checked whatsapp (chat app like snapchat) that night and she was online for almost 2 hours. And i didnt get any message. My grandpa died next week. I was absolutely broken. I pinged her best friend telling her what has happened hoping that she will convey the message to her and she will ping me. But she did not.

Eventually it was time for me to get back to US. She knew the date and everything. I thought she will ping me once I get back to US. But she did not. She pinged me 2 months later saying if I wanted to talk. I told her to get lost as nicely as possible. If she would have said sorry or something i would have given her a chance but she didnt say that. But again being stupid I pinged her after 4 months. This time I had decided that we will be just friends and I will not talk to her daily. But again she started taling every day. Even the day I didnt ping her she used to ping me back saying why did I not ping her. So it started all over again. On her birthday I asked her what she did. She said nothing. She was at home. So a few months went by and her behavior started changing. She wasnt pining me everyday anymore and when I started texting her she would reply with one word. I asked her if there was another guy just let me know and I will go away and never come back. But she said no there was no one. She started getting emotional saying I was her best friend. Again we started talking everyday and she didnt have any problem with it. Few months late she again aid she wanted to have some time alone because of something in her life. I knew the reason so I said just tell me the reason and I wont ping you again. After arguing for some time she said there was a guy who her family wanted her to marry but she refused so she wanted to have some time off now. I said when you said NO to me you were chatting that very night. Is that all I meant to you. So I want to ask all of you if I was the one wrong here?????

Again in two months I went to india this was almost a year later. I again went to see her. Eventually I asked her the reason why her dad say no to our marriage. She said her family felt that she wont be happy with me. I said WTF what do they know about me and how did they came up with this. She said as she told me she will agree with her family on this and in the end she decided to say no. I told her that so eventually it was her decision to say NO and not her dad's. In this trip she accidently told me on her birthday she was with that guy (our friend who asked her to marry her and I have no contact with this guy.) So she lied to me about this when I asked her before. I found out there was another thing where she had lied to me. So I asked her that if she still has feeling for that guy and this time she said yes. But there was no way she was going to get married with her. I was about to lost my mind when she said this cause I had asked her atleast 100 times about this and she decides to tell me now. After almost a year. But again I remained calm. I told her that I love her and I will wait for her. And I wont ask her about her decision ever again. She seemed ok with that.

A month passed by and I was back in the US. Everything was going smooth, we were talking to each other daily. After few days same thing started to happen. Her replies were vague. She started replying with one word. So I knew something was up. And knowing her well for almost 3 years I confronted her that what was happening. She said she had an argument with her parents about her marriage. I said tell me what happened and I wont ask again. She said she does not want to tell me that and if I wanted to stop talking to her it was ok with her. I mean after all this time she said she was ok with ending everything. When I spent almost 2 years doing everything for her. But I continued to talk to her thinking she had a mood swing or something and she will be fine eventually. But after that I started noticing that she started ignoring me. She told me she was sleeping but I could see her online on chat apps. Sometimes I pinged her on whatsapp (Chat application) when she was online and she did not reply me back and went offline immediately. I still did not say anything.

But last week something happened which made me extremely furious. I pinged her and she said she was sick. So I said alright. So I went to check google hangout and there she was right there online on hangouts. Next day I asked her if she was online and she said no she wasnt and she was seen online because her mail was still open on her office laptop. I said alright. But I checked the thing with my gmail account and phone and there was no way you can be seen online except if you are chatting. But I chose to ignore. Next day same thing happened she told me she was going to sleep now and yet again after that I was seeing her online. Next day I lost it I just lost it I asked her point blank if she was avoiding me and if she was online. She eventually said no but then in the end said yes she was online and she told me to stop stalking her. Now I was pretty damn furious right now and I told her to stop being a bitch. And I said stop lying about being sick. Ultimately we had a calm chat that night and she said she was online and she did not want to talk to me everyday and she will only ping me whenever she feels like. I said how can you say that after a year, after I asked her specifically that if she was okay with all this. And she had this thing where she ignores all other guys who try to chat with her and she doesnt want to chat wit them. So I said do you now think that I am one of them and she said just think whatever you want to.

This is all. Now what I want to know is, am i the bad guy in all of this?

I want to know if she is right in not pinging me and avoiding me. I am fine if she doesnt ping me but when I ping her I want her to ping me back and not avoid me. Am i the wrong guy here. I know I am writing this from my point of view, so I feel like everything is right about me. But I wanted to know if I am the culprit in all this.

I have BLOCKED her in any kind of communication possible. I wanted to know if this is the right thing to do. I really love this girl and I can do anything to get her in my life. I dont want to regret my decision. So please please please help me out. I dont want to have a regret after 10 years about this. Please help me out.

Should I Block her or should I go on. Am I right or wrong. Please.

Relationship advice

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You want a woman who loves you to be your wife. You want more than an arranged marriage - yet you participate in all this.

You have told a girl (who you really hardly know) that you love her and want her to be your wife.

She has let you know - over the years - that she is not able or willing to make commitment to you. She is interested in other guys. Her parents back her resolve to not marry unless she loves the guy. She ignores you, then comes back. That has not been fair to you.

Still, you keep trying to revitalize or redefine this relationship, and try to change her mind.

No, you are not the culprit in all this. You are the participating victim.

Look for another girl. Find one that you can develop a real relationship with - not one on line.


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