Trying to accept that my husband will always be a flirt and may cheat
I tried looking for articles around this topic but I always end up with articles like "How to know if your husband is cheating" or things like "How to keep your husband from flirting with other women" or "How to differentiate flirting and cheating", etc - you get the gist.
The thing is, I have been with my husband for 6 years now, married for 2. He has a one night stand that I know of when we weren't married yet and we were on a "cool off" stage. I am certain he may have have a few flirtations in between but I don't think it was ever more than maybe exchange of messages on Facebook or Whatsapp/Viber or maybe a one lunch with a coworker.
Okay. my issue is - my husband is such a ladies man, and probably why I was attracted to him too. Everyone likes him, because he is very charming, pleasant to look at, has a way with words and women and he gets along quite well with men too. Now, he is admits he can't help himself when he sees an attractive lady but to just say hi and chat. He will inform them later on he's married but this would have been after they had exchanged names or maybe the girls adds him up on Facebook etc. Now this part - I am not quite privy too unless he tells me about them or I catch him doing this. Otherwise, I am not happy to be a wife that snoops around looking.
Now I am okay with this but how do I handle and accept that he will always be like this and there may be a chance he will act on it, and eventually cheat on me. I love him. And I accept him for everything he is. And I want to understand where he's coming from and I dont want to change who he is because that would be unfair too as I met him like that. I want to "get real" and understand that marriages are hard work and there's a lot of acceptance involved in both parties.
Dont get me wrong - he is a great husband. I feel loved. He is a great provider and supports me in whatever I do.
Please help me - I am a young wife and I dont know where to go to and confide to since we're not exactly a couple that tells our families and friends about out marital problems.
The difference between flirting and cheating" Flirting is the appetizer and Cheating is the full course meal
He says "he can't help him self when he sees an attractive lady,must say hi and chat- Not only is his behavior inappropriate and disrespectful to you it's bull sh*t) After exchanging phone numbers and soc media info, he then tells them "oh by the way I'm married" (wink-wink)
As if giving the" I'm married disclosure" makes him appear above board. The signal he gives Yeah I'm 'married but it's OK to call me".
Having an appetizer could very well lead to dinner.
Be up front and tell him how his behavior makes you feel, you would like him to refrain from getting other woman's phone number you would like to include in the soc sites which eliminate any misconception on your part.
Hope you visit the site it's great there is always some on here.
Flirting is cheating because it's breaking a boundary within a committed relationship. In a committed relationship we agree to give certain parts of ourselves to our partner. When we're flirting, we're giving sexual interest and attention that only our partner should get -- we're giving it to somebody else.
Take screenshots of anything you find. This way you can have proof if or when you need it.
I hope that he straightens up.
Is he this way with men, also, or other people he meets?
You don't say what he does for a living (hairdresser? photographer?)
I know you said that you liked and were attracted to his outgoing, flirty personality, but you know, our "strengths" can be our weaknesses, too, when they get exaggerated. His need for female attention seems over the line.
Let him know how you feel and be sure he knows the "line in the sand."
I want to start of by saying how much I respect the things you have shared here. Number 1, you are giving unconditional love in a marriage relationship. That is a beautiful thing! Number 2, you are reaching out. Marriage IS hard work, as you said! It has times of joy, pain, and confusion. It seems like right now you are in a time of confusion, and perhaps your husband is too. Reaching out and getting support in those confusing times is really important, so kudos to you!
I'm wondering if you have ever considered going to a marriage retreat or workshop? Do you think your husband would be open to that? They can be great times to connect as a couple, talk openly about questions, confusions, etc. and get support from others. You and your husband might benefit from talking to others about their marriage relationships and how they deal with temptations and keep their marriages strong. I can personally attest to these retreats being uplifting while at the same time helping you both dig deep and grow. They can be lots of fun too! It sounds like your husband might be a fun-loving/people loving kinda guy so if he is open I think he might really enjoy it. I've heard a lot of good things about http://www.familylife.com/WeekendToRemember.
One final thought. Keep loving unconditionally and remember you are worth the same love in return! Keep fighting for your marriage to be a place you both feel the joy and safety of that kind of love.
I hope that helps!
If you're worried sick that your husband is going to cheat, then wait until you have three children.
In your case, two children, cause you're special.
Or maybe, with Romeo here, one child. And bam! Heartbreak!
You think you have problems now. You ain't got nothing.
What you're saying now doesn't even rise to the level of "momentary discomfort."
Try 29 years of torment, complete with an EKG machine in the living room, starting when our child was almost 4 when I realized she was cheating, and then you and I can talk. Until then, you ain't got no problems.
You don't know it, but you're "ecstatically happy," right now, compared to what you're gonna be when you come crawling back to this same website 5 years from now, kids in tow, crockidile tears, looking for sympathy.
"Hey sweetheart, you were told. Are you the same one?"
Hey, my wife was a looker, too. Hey, what do we call them, a trophy? Yeah. Yeah, watch how long that lasts. Watch how long it will take you to realize "Why did he pick me?"
Because we're pansies. How can they cheat if they marry someone too strong?
But if you don't have any kids, you can walk, you can stay, you'll be free to do anything you want.
Go ahead, call me a sore loser. Ouch! I don't know what's going to happen there, but I do see some similarities. And some differences. Maybe.
You love your husband unconditionally and your husband also knows this. He knows he can push the boat way out and you will always be there. At the moment he hasn't physically acted on his flirtations, so perhaps there is a little doubt in his head, if you would stay or leave, if he were to go all the way. I wonder how he would feel if you started chatting up other men, adding them to facebook.
Do you have any kids? The previous person who replied is right, it is harder to split a marriage when children are involved. But I can almost hear you are say....but I don't want to split up! and I hear you.....but do you want to spend the rest of your life accepting his terms for a happy marriage? His terms are to include chatting to 'beautiful woman' or adding them on social media. Do you want to spend the rest of your life becoming paranoid everytime he's late home from work, or at a work function where partners aren't to attend. Everytime he goes to the shop, actually anywhere that you are not with him, for you to constantly worry.....will he stay faithful! Because sometimes partners can turn it round with ' you drove me to it, always accusing'
And Perhaps he just does have great charisma, a people person. Did you ever tell him you don't like how he adds these girls? how he talks to them or do you stay silent to keep the peace and him.
Tell him how you feel, you may be afraid of his answer but 6 years isn't as long compared to some. You don't want to be 29yrs with him and still wondering.
I hope you sort things out, good luck