PeoplesProblems Logo

Do I have a problem?

Default profile image
My wife and I have been married for 12+ years and have one child together, and our love life, in my opinion is very lacking. Sure I can get oral when I ask/beg for it, but she never seems to want anything, she rarely if ever initiates any encounters, unless she feels guilty from a discussion or argument early in the day/week. I can acknowledge that I may have a more active sex drive than her, but anytime I want any kind of physical contact and I approach her, she protects herself like I am attacking her or something. Now, this morning, she lets me know that she had issues when she was 10 with a little boy always grabbing her breasts at recess and that is the reason she reacts that way, which I can understand, but why wait until after 12+ years of marriage and a couple years of dating before telling me. I guess my question and problem is, what do I do? I feel that shouldn't have to beg for physical contact from my wife, I shouldn't have to be the one who always initiates, I shouldn't feel like my wife sees me as an attacker, and I shouldn't go on feeling like I am not desired, should I?

Do I have a problem?

Default profile image
Perhaps something else is bothering your wife that she may not be willing to discuss. It's not my place to discount the trouble she had at 10, but her reaction now - at what must be 20 + years later - seems extreme. Perhaps something more significant happened, or something is currently bothering her. While I do think differences in sex drive are common, I don't think not having one at all is normal for a happy and healthy woman. I know I have little to no interest in intimacy if I don't feel loved and appreciated by my significant other. I think that's fairly common for women. I also think a significant difference between men and women is that many men seem to feel that once they are in a relationship, it's ok to get right down to business. I think women prefer to be enticed and "invited", if you will, to be intimate. Having your man charge at you ready to have at it can feel like an ambush to women. How is your relationship outside of this area? If you consider that, you may find answers for yourself to your question about what you should do.

Do I have a problem?

Default profile image
Many marriages go through this. How good are you in the romance department. Like sending flowers because it's tuesday or making all the arrangements (including getting a sitter) to have dinner and movie. You say she gives you oral (albeit after begging a bit) do you return the favor? - She confided in you about the incident when she was 10 and this boy always grabbing at her breast.Why not send her a note/letter thanking her for confiding in you,and if she ever wants to talk more you're there. It's not always flowers and cards woman like small making her a bubble bath, buy her something in her favorite color. Plan to have a Date Night you make all the arrangements tell her you want to make Date Night a ritual. Just focus making her happy..yes woman like the mussy stuff

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-2