My wife is very good. caring and a real perfectionist.but shehas an hysterical temper that is frightening..Recently I simply and calmly asked if we could discuss intamacy in our marriage.She threw her phone against the wall.swore.and started screaming until she got into such a state I thought she was going to take a heart attack Afraid the neighbours would here I started.saying sorry wrong timing,trying to calm her,but this is how she controls me.
Sometimes having a third party there helps. Of course, a professional counselor who is versed in anger management. Suggest counseling.
(Now . . . you didn't ask her about intimacy after she'd worked 8 hours, come home to laundry and a dirty house, fixed dinner for 4 kids and a lazy husband, and then YOU want to talk about sex? I'd scream, too.
Can you tell us more about the situation?)
"I started.saying sorry wrong timing,trying to calm her,but this is how she controls me."
1. Throwing things. She may be manic-depressive, and goes into mania at the slightest thing.
Wonder why they call it "manic"-depression? Maybe because she's "manic" at times and throws things.
I'm manic-depressive, so I know what's it's like to get out of control really quick. So, lithium help me very much with that, and clamed me down, and lifted some of my depression, with an anti-depressant helping even more with the depression.
Of course, with manic-depression, you have to be depressed some of the time. Does she feel so bad she doesn't want to get out of bed for days on in? Probably not, but I just asked.
She could be manic without the dep. Go to a website about "manic" and see if she fits.
2. She may have been sexually abused. This would lead her to hate men, attack men verbally. Has she ever lashed out at a woman like that. No way. Why hasn't she lost control around a woman in the last 25 years? Because she wasn't molested by a woman.
Look up sex abuse on the net and look at some of the traits of women who were sex abused. Does your wife fit that? Then that's the problem.
Women who were sex abused often become borderline personality syndrome people. Look that up on the net. Read it over 2 or 3 times. Look on several web sites for borderline, and read what it says. Look for the traits and see if they match your wife's.
Has she ever said a male attacked her when she was a child, or alluded to that? Think. Maybe only once or twice every 5 years, but has she ever?
My wife was sex abused, was a borderline personality syndrome person, would come at me verbally, violently, if I ever got off track even an inch. And she never verbally abused a woman. She worshiped women.
And you're right, she controlled me with that. I heard of another woman doing that who was sex abused,. who lashed out at men verbally, hated them, wanted to destroy them, like one had destroyed her as a child. It's not all that unusual.
That's probably what's going on. Look up borderline and read it. No other explanation for it.
Thanks for your contribution I will admit that timing was bad she was tired., Ive asked her about counselling where we can both be calm, she said you can scream in counselling ,she didnt want to go anyway.then during another yelling session she said it would be a time of her chossing,she can be so unpredictable.Now today she seems calm and wanting to talk about hols and has told a colegue that she wants to put me first .I have noticed over the years this change .as a child she was battered by her. .mother and as a teen she took an O .D when her dad left .She has told me things her mother did on her as a child ,dreadful.Her other sisters also have this temper as both of. their x husbands have told me .I am beginning to think that the violence at home has left her deeply scarredj
Your probably haven't heard the worse of it. You said "Her other sisters also have this temper as both of their Ex Husbands have told me" Hopefully you won't become a member of the EX Husband's Club.
You said "I'm beginning to think that the violence at her home has left her scarred" Absolutely! it's a direct consequence of being abused. Do you have children? if you do, your children are being exposed to an unhealthy environment.
Do whatever you can to get her into counseling, until she gets the necessary help her anger issues will continue to affect the entire family.
Keep in touch
Thanks will continue to gradually bring up the subject of. counselling good couple of days,mood good, atmosphere good ,