Wife thinks I don't care about our marriage?
Hello, my wife cel broke, so she used mine, and she started to look thru my whats up chats with friends, nothing bad to hide, no porn, etc, but in one chat I talked about a future trip we will plan for our 15 anniversary, and with some friends we use to write or say about bdays or anniversaries like "my 40 wasted years" or
we use that in anniversaries like "10 wasted years; in my case I wrote "anniversary trip 15 wasted years", we use those words just as reference of an old Iron Maiden song and video, they have an anniversary video called "12 wasted years", so its something between friends who likes hard rock and nothing negative or to be sad or shame about what we have been doing in our life and marriage, but my wife thinks that I was serious about "wasted years" and now says that I dont love her and that
I have been faking a happy marriage, etc ! I did explain her where does that comes from and showed her pictures of the video ,etc but she does not want to understand,
was it really bad what I wrote ? what do you recommend ?
so im not married and i was never in a relationship for that long, but i do have some experience and i know exactly what you mean..i had that situation once or twice myself.
my ex boyfriends ( and some male friends i have) are like that from time to time..they have their own humor and they joke in a very (for a lot of women) inappropriate way..so i guess thats what happened here..
i do understand your wife too ofcourse, like i said, she could misunderstand it because it is kind of "strange" reading something like that and i guess that hurt her a lot because she misunderstood it and thought you had a group chat where you wrote how "terrible the marriage is"..
what i am asking myself is didnt your wife know you in that way? she must have seen how you talked to your friends and noticed that you joked with them in "that way" meaning inappropriate?
well, i think thats a good first move showing her the video and i think that did ease her mind a bit because now she has the thought in her mind too (a little one but still a thought!) that you were not refering to the marriage but to a video and that it was a silly joke between men.
so how did u actually explain it except showing it to her? maybe she needs more? maybe she needs you to apologize and say that "men sometimes act without thinking" and say all the nice things/showing her a lot of love and understanding?
but listen, as a young women ( and we are worse then older more mature ones ofcourse) i can tell you that for me at least it wasnt "really bad" it was never meant for her to see and that doesnt mean that you were hiding something it was an insider..thats all!
hm, is there something else she could feel bad about? some issues you two had and she is now trying to find something to be mad about? think about it and if not i guess a super great apology and some sweet talk and maybe flowers(?) would help the situations :)
Thanks for the comments, I hope this will pass soon, theres was nothing to hide and theres was nothing wrong, actually the password for our celphones are the same,
so for me I have nothing to hide, even when some of the guys start to some inappropriate pics I dont see them and just delete them, sometimes I let my kid play games in the cel and I dont want him to see that.
I hope tonight this will be gone, this kind of situations are really the "waste" of time as we could be enjoy our time, plus we have a great kid and two wonderful dogs
that make our family full.
As a women I can say I misunderstand things my boyfriend does and says all the time. He has a different sense of humor then I do. But as far as your wife goes I would just keep apologizing to her, let her know that your happy with your marriage. If it helps tell her you and your friends just joke around stupidly and sense it bothers her you will be more carefull with how you talk about the marriage. I think shes just hurt, and needs reassurance from you. Do what it takes to reassure her so it can be put behind you.
As a married woman who's dealt with something similar. The way you see it and your intentions behind it are never going to be the way she interprets it. NEVER! No matter what explanation you give her, it's still going to be interpreted as something hurtful. Now that you know it brought her pain, I think it would be best to not use the phrase "## years wasted", and come up with another catchy reference that doesn't offend someone.
My husband you to say, "before your time" and to me it meant, before I ruined his life... So it was he either go back to living like he did before my time or cut the crap out...
Seems odd that in 15 years, your wife has not been in the loop about this "joke phrase." She's never heard you or your friends use this phrase before?
Enlighten me as to why it was used NOW.