Need help ASAP
i am a third year medical student. i am having some issues with my roommate of 2 years.
we have shifted to a new hostel in the third year and ever since her friends have been constantly coming to my room
i told them to stop coming so frequently and disturbing , but they just would'nt listen
And now every time they enter my room, i feel like i am overwhelmed with hatred. i am unable to tolerate their mere presence. i cant listen to their voices or see their faces. i decided to change roommates. but no one else is willing to shift with me
i feel really helpless.
And i think the worst part in all of this is, i am not only angry when i see her friends, but also extremely scared. like almost scared for my life. i am not sure why. today i had a severe panic attack when they entered my room.
my friends and seniors have told me to continue staying with my roomate itself n not change because i can never be sure how the new person will be ... but i am really scared
you no i dont even go out anymore. as soon as class gets over i run back to my room before her friends come in .. i feel like by doing this i am somehow protecting my room and it will probably stop them from coming if they see me .
i feel like i am under house arrest
i hate having to live like this. even in class i constantly keep thinking about what new drama they will do today. my studies are getting affected. n i cant get her crazy friends out of my mind. they really scare me
Surely, they're coming to her half of the room, something you can't stop them doing due to the fact of it being shared?
Who's responsible for putting bums in rooms? Could you find out and request a conversation them wherein you explain you're uncomfortable sharing a room with a type so much more sociable (and with less boundaries) than you? After all, you can't possibly be the ONLY person on campus who prefers greater peace, quiet and solitude, can you? There must be *someone* who's suffering the same as you and whom would be a much better match - win/win for everyone concerned? If so - so WHAT if you don't know whether their personality will be to your perfect liking if presumably you and they would be keeping yourselves mainly to yourselves anyway. You'd be more just cooperative inmates, never getting close enough to rub each other up the wrong way.
Put it this way, could someone quiet and private but maybe somewhat irritating in other ways be WORSE than what you're having to tolerate right now?
I'd have thought the attacks were simply from the stress-induced anxiety build-up of not having your usual preferred level of security via privacy, not 'fear' as such. But I get your point.
If it's actually impacting on your studies, now, then it sounds like it's the school counsellor you would be best appealing to so that he or she could advocate on your behalf with whomever's job it is to decide on dorm placements. Do you have one?
well the thing is everyone else from my batch already has a roommate they seem to be happy with. as i mentioned earlier i spoke to the people i thought i would be comfortable with. but they have turned me down. n the worst thing is the rooms as of now are very limited . so i cannot even shift to a single room occupancy. there seems to be absolutely no choice but to stay with my current roommate.
how do i try and cope with this situation ? wat are my options here ?
Hi, as Soulmate said, as you share a room, it is difficult to stop your room mate's friends going in to see her. However there is a code of conduct to be accepted and respected when sharing a room. I'm not sure if this is recognised in all countries but check out this link http://www.lse.ac.uk/lifeAtLSE/accommodation/forStudents/offerAcceptance/agreement/Code%20of%20Conduct%20for%20Sharing%20a%20room.pdf
Some of the points mentioned are that Each sharer has the right to sleep without any disturbance from 11:00pm to 8:00am.
• Studying is viewed as taking priority over other activities from 9:00am to 11:00pm. Sharers must respect each other’s right to read and study free from disturbance or undue interference. Activities which might disturb study during this period are only permitted when agreed by both residents.
And one of the points, Each sharer must always feel free from intimidation, physical and/or emotional harm, is one issue which is affecting you.
Have you told your room-mate how her friends are making you feel? I mean how bad? if you don't want to outright say that, in case it makes no difference and they continue to call, making you feel more uncomfortable, explain that too many disturbances are affecting your work and you can't concentrate. Perhaps come up with some kind of time-table to limit them calling, or at a time when you aren't there (and lock away your belongings)
Can you see the campus doctor? Explain the panic attacks and what is bringing them on. Then maybe people will listen and perhaps try and get you a different room. You never know until you
Best of luck
(Nice one, Wintersun!)
Thank you for your advice wintersun and soulmate !
I will try and act upon it .. hopefully things will get better
You're very welcome, and please let us know the outcome?