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Hi, I'm just here for some advise....Well long story short, I helped my mom buy some groceries and I came home with a trolley full of it, I didn't have the keys to my house so after ringing the doorbell for so long, my younger brother finally came and passed me the keys, well the thing is, after I open the door(it was actually the gate. My house has a gate then the door), I tossed the keys to the floor so that I could push my trolley in and it just so happens that it landed in front of my father. He started scolding me for throwing it on the floor and why I didn't pass it to my younger brother and when I told him that I wanted to push the trolley in and I'll pick it up later, he started yelling even more saying how rude I was and threw stuff at me. And when I answered back rudely because I seriously don't get why my dad would get angry over the keys, he then hit me with a chair and starts yelling. I didn't listen to what he said since I went to the kitchen to unpack all the stuff before going to my room. I couldn't even lock my door because he changed the door knob inward out, as in the lock/unlock is outside and the handle is inside, so I can't lock from the inside but anyone can lock from the outside.... He's reason for changing like that was stupid because he said that my youngest brother who is only 5 might get stuck inside, but I had a feeling he just wants to invade my privacy. And this isn't the first time he's gotten angry over whatever I did, there are times where he accused me of something I didn't do and when I answered back, he punched me and told me not to answer him back etcetc. And the thing is he'll only hit me if he thinks I'm defying him or something(which I am not.) otherwise he's sometimes nice. He doesn't hit my brother who is three years younger than me and a rebellion, he'll only scold him even if my bro answers back rudely. I honestly don't know what to do, I just really can't stand my dad anymore. My mother told me to tolerate him since he's my dad after all, I did ask some of my friends for advise too and they all told me the same thing, like he's my dad, I should respect him??? I would like to know if anyone here is going through something similar like mine and what do you do?? Please help me, because I'm really at my breaking point......

Family problems

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You say, “And this isn't the first time he's gotten angry over whatever I did, there are times where he accused me of something I didn't do and when I answered back, he punched me and told me not to answer him back etcetc. And the thing is he'll only hit me if he thinks I'm defying him or something(which I am not.) otherwise he's sometimes nice. He doesn't hit my brother who is three years younger than me and a rebellion, he'll only scold him even if my bro answers back rudely. “ Uh, oh. Dad’s in big trouble. You say, “he started yelling even more saying how rude I was and threw stuff at me. Uh, oh. Dad’s in bigger trouble. You say, “And when I answered back rudely because I seriously don't get why my dad would get angry over the keys, he then hit me with a chair and starts yelling.” Uh, oh. Dad’s in really big trouble. You say, “since I went to the kitchen to unpack all the stuff before going to my room. I couldn't even lock my door because he changed the door knob inward out, as in the lock/unlock is outside and the handle is inside, so I can't lock from the inside but anyone can lock from the outside....” Uh, oh. Dad’s getting worse and worse. And so are his attacks. What that is is abuse. There’s a law against that. That’s why they build jails, so they can say, “You want to go in here?” Well, the fact that your dad struck you, twice, shows he’s over the top. The fact that your mother sits back and watches your dad beat you within an inch of your life shows she’s a wimp. Which shows why you’re writing here. You are totally right, and totally without power, as a child living under these circumstances. And people wonder why teens end up living on the street. That’s why. There are male dominant households, and female dominant households. You live in a male dominant household. There are 2 males in your house, and 2 females. So your adult female is a wimp, and your father is a male superiority child abuser. As in, the future looks bleak. Which corner of the street do you, and hundreds of other such teens, want to live on? Hopefully not, but it is tough situation. Call the artillery in on your position. That is, call Child Protective Services and tell them you have been beaten by your father. Point to him when they come in the door. What’s he going to do, beat you? He’s already done that. Or you’re a wimp. There is not a whole lot else you can do. The ball is in your court. You tell an advisor at school that, it won’t do any good. You can try that, and if you don’t get any help, go by or call Child Protective Services, or what ever it is called in your area. Call an abuse hotline, and tell them, and ask them what number do you call to report child abuse. You’re going to have to make a few phone calls; you’re going to have to buck up. You’re going to have to look in the phone book, or the net, and find some numbers. On the net search engine, type in, “child abuse” for “your town,” and see what numbers and street addresses come up on the screen, in case you to walk in or call. A female counselor at such an agency might be more receptive to your complaints than a male. Use a phone away from your house. With cell phones, that can be more easily done. You're going to get rejection comments such as, "You're too young to report," you're not, but that's what one of them may say. Keep contacting the agency until you get help. The secretary may give you a hard time, and you feel you can't get passed her. Tell them you want to report child abuse. If you can't get connected with anyone, look on the "Child Protective Services" web site for the e-mail address for the first female you can find: a counselor, an official, anyone. There’s a saying, “Looking for a helping hand? What about the one on the end of your arm?” You’re looking for help. You can look all you want, but don’t forget the hand on the end of your arm. Even if everything stays the same at your house, it’s still going to be very bad if you don’t find a force stronger that he is: Child Protective Services. He has established that no one is going to stop him. And he’s right. Unless you seek out Child Protective Services. They’re ready when you are. And if you don’t get help with the first counselor you see at that agency, ask for another counselor, this time a female. And keep it up until you find someone who will help you. And write back and tell us what happens.

Family problems

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I have some questions XVeronica. It's important to ask them so that I don't make any huge leaps of assumptions as could have me advising you to do anything rash that you might possibly, for all I know, later seriously regret and suffer immense guilt over, particularly if when you posted you were still understandably very upset and angry. First off - how old are you? "when I told him that I wanted to push the trolley in and I'll pick it up later, he started yelling even more saying how rude I was and threw stuff at me. " 1. What exactly were your words, there? And what tone did you use? 2. What could be his problem with the keys being tossed onto the floor; is the floor easy to scratch, e.g. expensive ceramic tiles or polished wooden floorboards? Are they big and/or heavy keys, or one keyring featuring a lot of keys? 3. And have you been told off about it before (if so, how recently)? 4. What exactly did he throw at you (and - aiming at you or just towards your general direction?). 5. Did any of it hit you? If so - what? 6. For how long did you ring the doorbell, do you think? 7. Did you press and wait a minute or two before repeating (to give the person enough time) or just keep the button depressed the entire time? 8. And should you have remembered your keys? Again, is this something you've been nagged or told off about before? (These aren't subtle insinuations of guilt on your part, by the way, it's just me playing Devil's Advocate to get a better feel of the backdrop as quickly as possible. Obviously, your dad shouldn't be hitting you under any circumstance.) 9. 'Answered back rudely' - how? Again, precise words and tone, please. 10. Hit you with what part of a chair and on what part of your body? Do I take it that it wasn't hard/didn't really hurt, if you straight afterwards walked off and unpacked the shopping? 11. Had your father and you clashed prior to this trolley and keys incident? And was it that same morning or recently? 12. You walked off whilst your father was addressing you. Do you do that often when he's mid-sentance or mid-rant? 13. Before he reversed the handle and lock, were you in the habit of locking yourself in a lot/locking him or others out, particularly whenever he was wanting to have a stern word with you about anything? 14. HAS anyone since locked it from the outside, trapping you in your room? If so - who? 15. Why would he want to deny you privacy or invade it? Have you been caught doing anything he feels is unacceptable in any way for any reason? If so - what was it? 16. Does your younger brother share this bedroom with you? "And this isn't the first time he's gotten angry over whatever I did, there are times where he accused me of something I didn't do and when I answered back, he punched me and told me not to answer him back etcetc. And the thing is he'll only hit me if he thinks I'm defying him or something(which I am not.) otherwise he's sometimes nice. " 17. Can you give me the most recent example of such an accusation, and - answered back with what, exactly? 18. Punched with his clenched fist? Where on your body? 19. 'Sometimes' nice means - what? For example, how many times out of 10 interactions with him is he nice? 20. How did the conversation with your mum go, i.e. what exactly had you said to her to get back her response about tolerating him? 21. Did you feel your mum was paying enough attention to what you were telling her or was she distracted at the time? And is this the first time you've tried to talk to her about it? Sorry it's a lot of questions, just do your best. Thanks. :-)

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