I don't not know what to do
I`ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years and have been living with her for 1 year. The thing is she is still married but has been separated for 5 years and she is willing to get a divorce to move our relationship forward and to one day get married but wants me to help her financially with getting it. I`m not too sure how to feel about that because I know she has the means to do it on her own. But knowing her I know that if I say I no she`ll say I don`t love her and she would want to end things. Not too sure how to handle this.
First of all, I'm so sorry to hear you're frustrated, and rightfully so.
Here's what I'm thinking, given the information you've shared: If she REALLY wanted a divorce, for her own sake, she'd already be taking the appropriate steps to get free of her current marriage, regardless of her relationship with you or her financial situation. I'm concerned that she's let a dysfunctional marriage drag on for this long, with no real motivation to make a clear decision and act on it. You should be concerned too, and press her for a real answer. You have every right to ask her to honor herself, you, and even her current husband, and end it instead of leaving you all in limbo.
Another big concern, is what you said regarding her suspected response to you not agreeing to let her make her responsibility, yours:
"knowing her I know that if I say no she'll say I don't love her and she would want to end things.".
HUGE red flag there. It's clear she has no issue with pointing out that you are more invested in this relationship than she is, and using that against you. That isn't love, it's manipulation. If this is an established pattern of behavior for her in the history of your relationship? Run. Hard and fast, in the opposite direction. Love does not impose conditions, nor does it level threats to get its way regardless of what's best for the individuals, or the collective.
She may love you the best she can. The question is; do you feel loved? Especially when she COULD choose you, every day, but clearly won't. And I'm sorry for that. It's heartbreaking, and I have no advice on how to change another person's heart, let alone their behavior.
I have no clue why she is clinging to a marriage that doesn't serve her, in any way. Especially when someone that DOES love her is already by her side, eager to accept her love in return.
Some people may suggest playing various games to get her attention. That never works. In my 25 years of marriage, the only thing that I've found that helps get us over and through the challenges that arise when two people care about each other, is open and honest communication, backed up by unforced and consistent action. Why should you stifle your feelings and concerns, and allow her the power to issue you an ultimatum if pressed to follow through with what's she's already promised? Love does not need ultimatums any more than threats. That said; if anyone should be issuing an ultimatum in this situation, it's you. You've made it clear what you want. You want her, as she is, minus the husband. She has promised you that. Time to ask her to deliver on that promise, without hesitation or threats. If she does want to end it? At least you won't be getting jerked around. You'll know where you stand, and she'll have to be accountable for her own choices.
I'll be rooting for you. I really do hopw that whatever you decide to do, she responds in a way that allows you both to move forward with some confidence that she's as committed to you as you are to her. You deserve that, and so much more. As does she. Best of luck, to you both. <3