I feel more dedicated than her recently...
I am 17 years old, I've been going out with this girl for at least two years and a bit now. I feel as if it's gotten to the point where it's no longer puppy love, and beginning to feel more serious.
I'll cut to the chase, currently we both work part time jobs alongside college, usually I'd tend to see her every weekend when I'm working, but once she got her job she's been constantly busy, pretty much anyway. But, when she isn't busy and I ask her if she wants to go out for a meal or come stay mine she'll simply say yeah then when it gets to the actual time of meeting she'll let me down, yet she seems to have plenty of time for her friends, I'm no jealous type, nor am I clingy, but recently I feel as if I'm the one who's been making the effort, it's came to the point where I'll probably see her twice a week for less than five minutes, and we go to the same college... I've brought it up to her several times and she's said she noticed it herself, and we'll make more time for each other, it never really happened. It just went back to the same way, her constantly always busy/exhausted after work, having no time to see each other, etc. She's usually the type of girl to be keen to see me, always wanting to do things together, etc. But it's came to the point where I'm beginning to think if we're too young and maybe she just wants to let go? I'd respect her choice, but wouldn't it be easier for her to bring this forward to me? She just texts me saying this, but I haven't even had the chance to speak to her properly face to face due to her 'constantly' working, etc.
I sorta finished it last night, told her how I feel, she said, 'I don't blame you. I just cant be bothered with anything'. I didn't wanna go all deep or emotional, but it hit me. I wasn't expecting that from her.
I need some advice guys, how do I approach this? I've never asked people online before.. My head is all over the place and I don't know what to do? Finish it for good? Or try negotiate with her? I dunno.
When I was high school, 17, about to turn 18, I had been dating this girl for a year, my first girl. At the year mark, I had a nervous breakdown in class, and she was sitting right next to me.
Now, she was the nicest girl in the school. So, I thought she would hold fast, stick with me through thick and thin. Didn't happen. She wanted to get so far away from me as quickly as she could.
I was already reeling from the nervous breakdown. I thought she would surely realize that and stay with me. So, her suttle, and not so suttle, efforts to get away from me were a double shock to my already frail psychic.
What did I do? I ignored her efforts to drop me, and kept asking her for another date at the end of the current one. I did that for a year and a couple of months. Until we went off to different schools and there was a natural break in the relationship.
That was decades ago, and I hadn't even thought about the really deep meaning or her coded efforts to dump me. When I was far enough away from that, in the last few months, I was safe enough to decipher her comments and what they really meant.
She would get angry at her dress, trying to pull it into the car door, when I was 17, almost 18, I thought she was angry at her dress, she was really furious with me. And she said right after that, "You missed a place" which I thought meant I had missed a place shaving; it was only decades later when it was safe to think about that, it was really just an insult that she hoped would drive me away.
From then on, she never said anything on a date.
It's like the woman sings in the country and western breaking up song many years ago:
"Don't tell me secrets, tell me some lies,
"Don't give me reasons, give me alibies.
"Say anything, but don't say goodbye."
I could believe I had had a nervous breakdown, I couldn't believe the nicest girl in the school, who had treated me so nice for a year, now couldn't bare to be around me. So I blocked it out, and kept asking her for another date.
The double pain of the breakdown and the nicest girl rejecting me because of that, I couldn't take. So I blocked out her insults because she didn't tell me directly to not call her.
Looking back, I was embarrassed at how I didn't take the cues. At the time, I felt like I would have been crushed.
You said, "I'm beginning to think if we're too young and maybe she just wants to let go?"
You are both young. There will be many changes in your life between now and when you're 25.
Yu said, "I sorta finished it last night, told her how I feel, she said, 'I don't blame you. I just cant be bothered with anything'. I didn't wanna go all deep or emotional, but it hit me. I wasn't expecting that from her."
Yeah, you're 17, alright. It hurts just as much as an adult and as an older adult. It never gets better.
This is the other side of love. It's the other side of life. Part of life is OK, part of it sucks.
But to be positive, we can be positive about our defeats. It allows each party to free themselves, which is the glory of not being married.
Plus, you don't really want to go on with someone who doesn't want to go on.
Take it from someone who's been through this before and at the same age, and yeah, who fouled it all up.
Re-living my life through you, I could have said, "Well, Mary Jo, I certainly enjoyed it. And about next week, yeah, well, uh, let me, let me give you a call and see if we can.... " OK. "Well, goodnight then."