Should I go to a hen party if I wasn't her first choice?
I have been asked to go on a hen do by a colleague at work, however, I wasn't her first choice. This colleague I have history with, I went to primary and secondary school with her. I would say we get on well but we don't meet socially outside of work very often, text etc. I found out a few weeks ago she was going to go away for a hen weekend, I wasn't asked but it did not bother me at all. Since then one girl has dropped out and she has asked me to go. She explained that there were only 10 spaces in the villa and she could only invite a max of 10 people.
At first I wasn't bothered that I wasn't in her top 10 and was up for going, like I said we are not that close. However, since being asked I have wondered how I will come across. Will I look like a mug stepping in? Have I only been asked to make up numbers? What should I do go or not? I am now worried that if I say no I will look like I am being being funny and was offended that I wasn't invited in the first place. I just wished I hadn't been invited at all, even as a replacement! Please help me decide what I should do.
Well try to put yourself in her shoes, if you only had ten places would she be in your top ten? And if not, would she be someone you would choose if someone dropped out? You say you're not that close but yet she still thought of you when another girl cancelled.
If you think you will spend the whole weekend wondering if everyone thinks you are a mug for stepping in, then if it were me, I wouldn't go. But they may just think gosh, fair play to you for coming even though you weren't asked first.
And if you decide not to go, I don't think you will look funny or offended, if you're not that close, it wouldn't be unusual to refuse to go and especially when you weren't asked first.
You could always say you have other plans and they will never know because they wont be around that's if you really don't want to go. Or if you can afford it and fancy a weekend away go for it! Do you get on well with any of the other girls? You just might enjoy it. But if you don't go, don't be dwelling on how it will look, because it will look like, a girl dropped out, you were asked and you just can't make it!
Thank you @wintersun, what you have said makes sense to me. My first instinct was to go. I thought why not, have a bit of fun. There are two other girls going that I know, so it would be fun. However, when I told a family member they told me they wouldn't go if it was them, so it made me think about the situation and how I would come across. I think I might regret it if i don't go, but don't want to feel awkward.
You're not alone in listening to a family member. We all do it, and sometimes we know what we want to do, but then take the advice of a family member or friend. It's usually not what we want. But then we don't want to offend them for not taking their advice! We are all the time thinking of others feelings or what they will think of us. But sometimes we should stop.....and think what is right for us.
And the girl who is having a hen's, you know she maybe feeling awkward because she couldn't invite you in the first place, so you going will show her there are no hard feelings.
Why not suggest meeting for a drink with her, a pre hens drink, it may help clear the air or any feelings you have and help you decide if you should go or not.
There's nothing wrong with being on the "B" list. Heck, at least you were on the list!
Go - and have fun.