It's platonic on your side but not theirs do you remain friends?
My BF is friends with a girl who wanted a relationship with him. She told him that last summer. He told her about me. Fast forward I have been living with him for 6 months. They are friends so she cleans the house since she lost her job. (She was doing that long before I came in the picture) so she finds ways every week to connect with him. I trust him but it's become uncomfortable. He won't let me clean the house and save him the money..she asks him for favors and he does them. She tries to talk tongue and cheek to make conversation. I know because I read the texts. I have his passwords he gave them to me. He has other female friends I'm fine with..a couple are exes. He told them all about me. With this girl she obviously knows who I am but their relationship is undefined. He is frustrated with me because he doesn't think she wants a relationship with him anymore and on his side it's purely platonic..so he thinks it is my problem. I think he should have shut this down last year. He thinks we should be friends. I tried to FB her but she declined. He's tried to have her still come in and clean on a day I was there but she declined. At this point I don't want to meet her I would feel like a hypocrite smiling and acting like I want to get to know her. I don't know her but I don't like the situation. He says it's a tepid friendship. He isn't considering my feelings at all. Maybe he seriously digs that she likes him.
Yes, this girl is finding ways to connect with your BF weekly, but she's cutting you out of the picture by refusing to meet and FB friend you. Your BF should be committed to you and it's all OK to have friends, but these friends need to be respecting you and your relationship together if they are interacting with your BF.
It's his issue when he puts you in this situation but you also have a choice as to whether you need to be there. You need to set boundaries in your relationship and this girl needs to accept the fact that you guys are together. While she acts the way she has been towards you, she basically comes between you and your BF...and he allows it by stating it's your issue simply because he sees it as a platonic relationship...but there's an emotional attachment in there somewhere.
One thing is for sure, although your BF somewhat comes across as a considerate man, if he respected you and was loyal to you, he wouldn't pressure you and put in this situation.
Thank you for the reply Manalone. I agree that my BF should have considered my feelings. It all blew up when I found out she asked him to go somewhere with her. He didn't answer her and felt like that should have let her know he didn't want to go. Of course I told him if she was your friend then you would have texted her back. She asked a direct question to him she deserved an answer. He agreed. I still don't understand what his problem was. I feel it was one of three things.
A: He really does like her, even in a platonic way, and doesn't want to end the relationship.
B: He wants to leave his options open.
C: He felt like his back was up against the wall and I was telling him what to do.
After many harsh words and tears he said he felt like I was telling him what to do. He said he definitely does not want to keep his options open he wants to Marry me in the future. He also said she isn't anyone special and if we broke up she wouldn't be someone he would lean on for comfort. He doesn't want to go anywhere with her but felt weird telling her that, because he still thinks its platonic on her side and he didn't take the question seriously. Anyway, he did tell her that I wanted to clean the house and gave her 3 months to find another client. That was two weeks ago and after she cleaned last Monday she left the key under the mat and texted him after. She said thank you to him for all his help and gave a reason why she declined me on FB saying she only accepts family members. That is fine but he never said anything to her about the FB decline and that was weeks ago so I thought it was strange to say something now. She also indicated that she couldn't understand why a working Mom with a child (My child is 14) wouldn't want someone to clean their house. He texted back and said that I wanted to contribute more by doing it. He thanked her for all she did and said if she ever wanted to Chat with him to feel free.
So it is all settled but it still bugs me. I thanked him for sharing the text with me and got up and went into another room. He said later that I seemed anxious and I said do you really want me to talk about this and tell you how I feel, he said not really, and I said then just leave it alone. I am ecstatic that she won't be cleaning anymore and won't be in the house messing with our stuff.