Heart is torn, please help!
I will do my best to keep to the point...
Last week, my fiancé told me she needed to be alone to find herself. We have been together for 5 years. I am 23, she is 22. We met in high school and we clicked the moment we met. We had "that relationship".
I was so happy with what we had. And I thought she was too. We had such a strong bond. Well, one day, we woke up, and I immediately felt something was wrong. I did not press her, I gave her space thinking she was just having an off day. Well around 12pm, she gave me the dreadful "I think we should talk".
She proceeded to tell me that she doesn't feel happy anymore. Not with our relationship, but with herself. She told me that I was an amazing man, and that I did more than she could ever ask. However, she feels like she lost herself and is too distracted with me in the picture. I told her that I 100% support her finding herself and to get help; but I also stated my confusion of "if it has nothing to do with me, why do we need to be apart?" We have never had a big argument before. Nor has she ever indicated any of this to me in the past. I offered to do anything it took to be there to encourage her soul searching journey. Hell, I could use some soul searching myself.
She didn't necessarily break up with me, but she made it clear that she can't see me.
I am so madly in love with her. We had our entire lives planned out. Our wedding is supposed to be in 2017.
So here I am now; alone, scared and confused. My heart aches. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I need my baby girl back! She is everything to me.
I have two fears in life. 1, the fear of not knowing. 2, the fear of losing the love of my life. Now I'm dealing with both at the same time. The fear of not knowing if the love of my life will ever come back.
although it takes every ounce of energy I have, I have been giving her time and space to self reflect. Every time I hear my phone go off, my adrenaline raises in hopes that it's her coming back, but also with the fear that she has made the decision to leave me. I fear that she is giving up. Her words to me were "you don't deserve this. I don't deserve you". Yes that is a very mature thing to say, however, I am the one to decide what is right for me or not. I have a lot of will power. Enough to do whatever it takes to make this work. I just don't know what else to do. She is my everything. And I don't want to go around talking to people about that and them judge her. I just need help. Please.
hey there. I felt so sorry for what you've been through. So, you haven't heard from her since then?
As a girl, if we say "you don't deserve this, I don't deserve you" is one way of saying that "you are too good to be mine and I might not achieve your idea of me". You know sometimes (well, most of the time), we girls have this change of moods or change of decisions. But if we show up to you and tell you what it really is, that is final. Maybe she has issues. What I mean is that, maybe she needs more time to prepare for the next level of her life with you.
Or maybe she's not ready to settle down yet.
Give her time. Whatever that may be, let's be patient :) If someone's meant for you, it will be yours no matter how long it takes. Have faith! :)
You have a job. You're apparently very happy with it. It (presumably) pays well, the hours suit you, the work involved suits you... And yet you go and arrange a formal meeting with your boss wherein you tell him you're not sure you're capable of coping with it right now and that it's 'not you, it's me and this-that-this', and could he just give you an unspecified amount of weeks to get your head straight?
What would you be thinking/how would you be reacting if you were that boss? You'd think exactly what you have thought ('why does this mean you have to have time off, why can't you 'chew gum and walk' at the same time?') and conclude that employee had got secretly head-hunted and offered a better salary or whatever else more attractive working package, and either wanted time to consider whether or not to take it or even to try the job out for a few weeks, wouldn't you?
Sorry. :-( But as you can see - it's a very old chestnut.
As much as it hurts, my advice would be to refuse to sit warm and waiting on the side *just in case* she wants back in. You don't deserve to be treated as if merely someone's safetynet. And nor do you deserve to be unfairly and sneakily deprived of what should be an 'EQUAL opportunity' for testing out second thoughts.