How can I trust people more? Or am I just introverted?
I dunno. This is kinda weird to talk about. I'd always thought I was trusting, but... Alright, let me give you some context.
There was this girl, sort of a friend, but not particularly, and she was dumped by some guy last week. He wasn't a particularly good guy, and it wasn't a particularly long relationship, but still she was sobbing constantly and hugging everyone in her vantage, seeking all the validation she could get. I thought, almost reflexively, that she was going to be ignored. Horrible right? I was genuinely surprised when people (several! not all even her friends! some of whom were MY friends who I'd never been able to confide in!) actually comforted her. Agh, this sounds terrible in words, but it's true. I saw a friend of mine, who I'd always considered sorta compassionless and a wee bit selfish, sitting by this girl, consoling her, telling her she was wonderful and that guy was an ass, and I just... I... I had to get out of there. I felt like crying. Why couldn't she ever do that for ME? Why couldn't she take care of ME like that?
And then I had that awful realization. I don't tell any of my friends anything. I'm ashamed of myself, in the most idiotic ways possible. My little sister's (15) been in an eating disorder clinic for the past year. Most of my friends still don't know. It's been really hard on me. Just like it was really hard when my mom and step-mom separated. ESPECIALLY when my dad and other step-mom separated. The only reason anyone knows is because I let it slip, several months later, in the most blasé manner possible, laughing it off.
The reason I'm so confused though, is I cope and I deal with things by pretending everything is normal. It helps me remember that the world is still going. Is my inability to talk to people a lack of trust issue or a coping mechanism gone awry? Because I want to talk to people, I want to have a close friend with whom I can absolutely share everything. Do I just need to find the right person? What can I do to make talking easier?
We're on the same page.. I've always want to have someone whom I can share my problems with. Sad to say I do have a lot of friends but no one really knows the real me- They have not seen me struggling on something whereas deep inside I'm already dying.. I'm afraid if I would tell them they will reject me, they will hurt me and they will not accept me.. It's bee years and I still feel the same way.. I'm always hands-on on comforting other people when they felt down, telling them encouraging words and cheering them up but no one does that to me :( I always pretend everything is normal but deep deep inside It's not..
Sorry if I can't give you my advice because I really don't know what to do.. It's just I feel you and it makes me sad how many people like us are still out there feelin' the same way..
"The reason I'm so confused though, is I cope and I deal with things by pretending everything is normal. It helps me remember that the world is still going. Is my inability to talk to people a lack of trust issue or a coping mechanism gone awry? Because I want to talk to people, I want to have a close friend with whom I can absolutely share everything. Do I just need to find the right person? What can I do to make talking easier?"
I had a situation when I was in high school, where, prior to my senior year in high school, we were moving to another city. Not exactly the worst thing, right? But, I felt it was difficult.
One thing was, though, it wasn't that difficult, because I had had such an emabarrsing tnhigns happen a omth earli n the high school I had been attending, that therwas nl way I wanted to go back to that hight school. So what it with the drama about I couldn't stand to leave my current high school?
But anyway, assuming any of this made sense, I tried telling my good friend about my problem of going to a new high school, and he listened to a few sentences and said, "Aw, I'll bet you'll even going to move." Well, I realized I'd told the wrong person my problems, and that he wasn't going to listen to it anymore.
So, I realized also at some point, that's why they have psychologists and psychiatrists, to tell these kind of I feel bad stories to. Everyday people don't want to hear that. So who can you trust? Well, basically not anybody as far as their understanding and who really want to hear those kind of stories and know how to react to them.
And the only reason the professionals listen to that is that they get paid to.
When I used to go out o a date hi high school, I always carried a cloth handkerchief. The reason? If the girl I was dating ever broke down and cried, I would out the handkerchief and comfort her. It never happened. Why. I didn't know, either. I didn't know why girls didn't want me to comfort them. I didn't know any girls who needed comforting.
The girl you knew was the one in distress, and you wanted to know why she didn't comfort you. Because you weren't the one in distress. If you do open up about your problems, you might be surprised that no one comes to your rescue, as I found out when I was leaving one high school and going to another.
So, it's not just a matter of opening up and everybody's going to come to your rescue. Your sister could problem use some help. Have you done anything to help her with her problems?
Tell psychologists your problems, and try to have a good time with your associates. And help your sister, and any associates who seem to be having a hard time.