Newly single mom
Hi I am a newly single mom of a two year old boy. I was very badly emotionally abused by my ex boyfriend. I tried my hardest to make it work with him so we could all be a family and so that my son would not have to have a broken home. All my efforts failed because I could no longer take being treated poorly and talked down to like I was nothing. I have done everything I could for my son and i put him first. My ex on the other hand has other priorities that come before him. I would ask him to come to things so we could do things as a family and he would rarely go. I take my son to library programs so he can learn and interact with other kids. My ex will not because it is not something he wants to do, even though it benefits our son. I am learning that I will have to have time away from my son as hard as it is. I'm just having a hard time with that fact that i did everything in my power to prevent this from happening and is it anyway. I know I will miss holidays with my son and there will probably be times were I will not see him for a long time. I know a lot of people go through this and share their children with their exes. It just seems unfair when you have done mostly all the care giving that it can be taken from you. any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I had the same problem from the other side of the spectrum. That is, instead of leaving a bad marriage, I stayed for the child, and it turned out all bad, in some ways.
That is, when the child was almost 4, I learned my wife was cheating, but I stayed because I wanted a 2-parent home for the child. But in a way, it turned out like yours, everything went upside down, when the child at 13 walked in on one of our arguments, asked what was happening, and I told him.
Well, at 15 his girlfriend conceived "in anger" their child to get back at his parents failed marriage. So did it do any good to stay together for those almost 10 years. No.
But, you and I are both doing the best we can. So, in a way, it doesn't matter what anybody does after the marriage fails, the child is going to be messed up anyway. Messed up from staying in a bad household, or from a divorce.
That's not a negative, that's reality. I think a child can turn out OK, but as far as avoiding trouble for the child in a bad relationship, it's unavoidable, no matter which path is taken.
Again, we have to try to do the best we can, and that helps, but neither way is an ideal situation.
I also stayed because we were buying a house, and I wasn't sure I could make it on my own. But I know what you mean by trying to make it work for the child. It's probably the worst situation I've ever been in, where you watch yourself and your child be destroyed, and there's nothing you can do about it, because the spouse is not "all in."
But they have their rights, also.
I'm not sure what your question is: are you getting anxious because you son will be spending time away from you with another adult (the ex) and his family - or are you upset with your ex because he does not parent like you do?
Your son needs to experience and socialize with other people. And IF your ex is a good father to him and has a supportive extended family, then the boy needs to spend time with him.
Remember, men parent differently than females.
What else is going on in your life besides caring for your son? going to school? job? socialize?
I guess i didnt really have a question was just looking for advice from anyone that can give. It is a total life change to have to agree to not see your own child that you were pregnant with gave birth to and loved from the moment you saw them. I am letting his father see him its just hard because i wanted a family. I do work full time, have a decent social life and recently graduated with my bachelor's degree. Doesn't make me feel any different about the situation. And i understand that everyone parents different but putting yourself before your child is not ideal
I agree, it's not. But that's what your little boy has got *you* for, isn't it?
Reggie, do you see yourself trying to have another romantic relationship at some point in the future?