Go for IVF or not?
We have been struggling with infertility for 9 years. We have lost 3 babies over the years. Finally we got refered to an IVF clinic.
Over the 9 years I have been through so many tests and appointments. Spent money seeing dietions and consults with homeopathic professionals. I've done herbal and medication regiments. I am totally ready for IVF. My doctors and specialists have helped me from cholesterol control to regulation of hormones. I've done everything I can do to get to IVF Ready. Here is the problem.
While my husband says he wants children, He hasn't changed anything. He knows nothing about my Condition because he can't be bothered to read the information I give him on it. He hasn't gone to a single doctor appointment. One of my specialists ordered tests and he didn't go. The last appointment the doctor said we should get all the tests done before we go to IVF so through the primary care doctor so the IVF clinic doesn't get expensive with tests that we don't need. He hasn't changed his diet, life style, he won't even quit smoking. He was down to one smoke a day and just decided he was not going to quit.
If I try to talk about things...anything about any of this...he will pick an argumanet and we just go in circles. If I say, OK, I don't think you are on board with the baby thing, I should go on the pill he flips out.
Even having sex during TTC times where I would have pos ovulation would be an argument and we would miss the window. I even went so far as to mark our TTC window in a Calender that we shared on our devices...he would avoid me.
Getting pregnant is risky for me for many reasons...but with care and monitoring it is possible with IVF.
My question is:
From an outsider's point of view, does it seem like he is just saying he really wants kids....but really does not? For me actions speak louder. I mean...it's been 9 years and literally not a single effort has been made on his part.
Am I crazy to think I shouldn't waste anymore time or energy on this? He doesnt want me to quit... but that depends on his mood. It is stressful with all the appointments and charting. Anyone TTC knows...
IVF is expensive and If it works...getting pregnant would be a whole new challenge with risks.
This is one issue that really DOES take two - to work at and work out.
He acts like he's indifferent and may be exhausted or unwilling to go thru all those things he must do.
That should give you your answer to your question: "Am I crazy to think I shouldn't waste anymore time or energy on this?"
Consider adoption or fostering some kids.
"From an outsider's point of view, does it seem like he is just saying he really wants kids....but really does not?"
"For me actions speak louder."
Oh, definitely! They always do. Ain't no arguing with them, especially when those actions get repeated and sustained. Least of all with unsubstantiated and unsupported blah-blah-blahs. In fact, it sounds to me like the only reason he 'flips' is because you're threatening to take away a control he feels is or should be his.
"I mean...it's been 9 years and literally not a single effort has been made on his part."
And yet the same can't be said of you - you who *know* you genuinely want kids, ergo whose actions align (- see how that works?).
Do you really want this MARRIAGE, though?..let alone bring a third little person into it? And - talking of actions matching - could that be at the root of why your body refuses to do your bidding? It frequently is, you know, despite there's money to be made out of you in the interim to realising it.
"Am I crazy to think I shouldn't waste anymore time or energy on this"
I suggest you see a counsellor to properly explore and to get to the bottom of the problem.
PS: Exhausted? Awww, poor him, must have been HELL for him-him-him, eh.