Was I right to stay with my boyfriend who cheated?
A year ago I found out that my boyfriend had slept with someone else.
It was only the once, so I'm told. I decided to stay with him because I convinced myself that it would never have happened if we weren't long distance; I'm currently at university and we only see each other once every two weeks unless I'm back for the holidays. He's also asked me to move in with him and he talks about marriage and children so casually that I am sure he does want to be with me, that the whole thing was a mistake.
But I keep having meltdowns. I still can't handle it when I know that he's meeting up with his female friends while I'm still at uni or if he doesn't text me for a while. I keep thinking that when I graduate this summer and we move in together it'll be fine but if I can't handle not being in contact with him now who's to say I'll be able to handle it when we live together? Everything's fine when I'm with him but there'll still be times when we're not with each other.
I thought I'd be able to get over it but it's been a year and I haven't. I think about whether I'll ever be okay and if not surely it'll be better to break up with him now before we move in together and so it doesn't get dragged out any further. But then I wonder if I've left it enough time, a year isn't that long in the scale of things, and maybe it really will be better when we live together. I keep going back and forth and I don't know what to do.
Your doubt is your lack of trust after your BF betrayed you. It doesn't matter if you were LD or not, what does matter is if he was with you 100% right from the beginning of your relationship, then he would have stayed faithful to you. It could have been just an immature mistake but you need to share your life with a person who shares your values and standards. Yes, LDR's are difficult to maintain, but they work better if both partners work at them constantly.
You still have a times of silence from him and it's all OK for him to meet his female friends but his actions are not very reassuring for you after he slept with someone else. He not doing a lot to keep you safe and earn your trust again apart from communicating to you his wish for marriage and children which basically means that 'the balls in your court'. It's your choice and it's your effort that will help achieve his wishes for your future together. Actions will always speak but words are hollow and need to backed up with actions.
Your post states your doubt(you don't mention your love or need for him)and your meltdowns are to do with your instinct and the fact that it keeps reminding you that all wasn't well with your relationship together...and it's still reminding you that there's a niggle of doubt still there.
It could take you years to get over it properly, but if you make a choice to be with him, then you have accepted it, forgiven him, and you will just get on with your life together. If you go the other way, then you need to go there now for own good.