Has my wife become to independent
Well we have been married close to 17 years but in the last few years work has taken me a away from home long period of time, this has left my wife to look after most day to day things around the house as she works 2 days a week, What I have noticed latelly is that when I vist home she still likes to do her own thing as I want to spened as much time with her but she says that with her being alone so much of the time she has setup a way of filling void left with me being not there.
My concern has resian from the fact she has become friendly with some male friends from her school days, and also her work bring her into contect with alot of man who call her on the phone some just to make a conversation and some just frindly calls in my persence, she is also very touchy on there arms when she talks to them, does that mean that she is intrested in other man or she is already in some close contact with them as she is very bubbly around them as i myself am a prety reserved person, I am not the jealous kind and even if she came out that and said that she was sexually fustrated I would be willing to give her hallpass becasue I do love her and not want to lose her or her to go behined my back and have a relationship with someone else.
"when I visit home"..... there's your answer, right there. You've made yourself a visitor in her life. If you don't like that, change it. Stop worrying about what she's doing without you, and start doing something to make her want to be with you again. Or let her go. I've been married 25 years, very similar circumstances, and I just left him. For good. Because he found it easier to be a "visitor" than a participant. The choice is yours.
Based on my experience in a situation eerily similar to yours, here's what's happening:
You're away from your home because of work probably 5 days a week. Your wife works two days and is at home 3 days a week. When you are at home, she doesn't really want to be with you.
You say she has become friendly with some male friends from her school days.
And, her work brings her into contact with men who call her on the phone.
Does this mean she is interested in other men or is already in some close contact with them?
From my experience with my wife, etc., yeah, that's what it means.
I was also the reserved one, where my wife was more outgoing in such situations.
My wife was meeting men at work, and since she and this guy both got off work at 3 p.m., and I didn't get home until 5:30, we'll say, they were meeting after work, with her getting home at about 5:15, just before I got home, so I never had a clue.
With your not in the house all week, you wife may be meeting them at work, and getting together with them on the days she doesn't work, or the nights, since you're not at home.
"I am not the jealous kind and even if she came out that and said that she was sexually fustrated I would be willing to give her hallpass becasue I do love her and not want to lose her or her to go behined my back and have a relationship with someone else."
I'm pretty much the same way. When we dated, and she let me know she was having sex with another guy, I had to either take it or drop her. I didn't want to be alone, so I stayed. That cont. into marriage.
We almost got together where she was forced to tell me she was having sex outside the marriage, because of a situation coming up, and found myself accepting that to keep everything together, including the child, the house, the marriage. But because I knew who one of the men was, and could cause him trouble, the vow would have been, her saying to him, "You won't get into trouble for this," meaning your job/marriage is OK.
So she couldn't relay what was going on to me, and so that energy instead of going in the same direction of keeping the marriage together even though she may have been straying, put us going head to head. And it was an awful 29 years.
so, I think you're right, if she will just say, "I'm just sexually frustrated with your being gone five days a week, and I'm needing some outlet," you two could work it out, in my view. I didn't really want outside sex, either, so it didn't brother me if that's what she wanted for herself, as you seem to be saying, that you're not jealous. I wasn't really, either.
If she had just taken the lead and said, "I have an outside interest," I would have just said, OK, for I wasn't dominant, she was, that's what we got along at the first. It's when she would hide it to protect him and that fouled everything up.
If she had just trusted me not to go after him, she could have cleared the way for that. But she didn't trust me, and he would have insisted no trouble from her husband, and she would have had to honor that. I sorta already knew, but didn't do anything. But he was jittery about getting caught, and my wife even told me once, "He's chicken!!!" I think it was in reference to that. So that bottled her up, and bottled up our marriage, to protect his marriage, not ours.
That's where she fouled up.
Since you don't know who it is, you're in great shape to go along with that. She can tell you, and nobody will be the worse for that.
I used to even get supercharged from hearing of her exploits before we were married, so I learned to like it.
We could have worked it out in marriage, but he was so sensitive about getting caught, he made her protect him and mess up his marriage, to keep his intact. And she willingly complied.
'Has my wife become too independent?'
No. You have. And she's had to react according to it.
WHY have you? And why has it become a problem only since you've become aware of these 'friends' sniffing around? Did you somehow get the idea she LIKED you being away from home most of the time in spite of the fact you were supposed to be sharing a married life together?
Well yes I do think she enjoys her self more when I am not around and she is very out going. Alot of her friends I dont know them personly and alot of time When I am away from home she has been out she will only tell me about it if she has to or if I call and at the time she is out she will let me know othe wise does not bother telling me about it. She realy dresses up when she is out and her dress is abit more reaviling, its not that I am compalaining as I always wanted her to like this so I am happy for that, and I also think she enjoys the attention she gets from other men.
Why on earth would you be happy about her dressing more sexily despite the fact you yourself don't get to benefit from it? And why on earth would you be willing to give the woman you love and said 'I do' over, a 'hallpass'?
Also: She enjoys her life a lot more when you're not around, and you could bring yourself to opt to basically be absent from your wife most of the time in the first place?
Vasilies, do you two genuinely really think that what you have still resembles a marriage? (Did it ever, I wonder?)
How come it's only in the last couple of years that your job suddenly requires you to travel great distances from home and most of the time? Do you think you ought to speak to your boss and explain to him that you need to be re-assigned to a non-travelling role so that you can tend to your shaky marriage before it falls completely apart? And have you not thought about sitting your wife down to tell her that you think something drastic has to be done before it's too late (if not already)?
Have you got kids?