Does he want me?
I met and married my husband quickly. I love him completely and everything would be perfect except he doesn't seem to want me sexually.
He has had lovers in the past before me, a few I know as we live in small town. And when we met I thought his reluctance to sex was due to illness, he has thyroid problems however am now thinking its me.
He turns me on immensely and has no problem responding to stimulation by me and me performing oral on him( something I never liked till him). But I can count on one hand the times he has touched me intimately and we have made love twice in the 8 months since we met. He says he loves me and I know he does. But why doesn't he want me?
Only two times in eight months? Crikey, no wonder you're worried and confused.
Have you not sat him down and just asked him straight?
Thanks for replying. I have tried talking to him usually ends in him saying he does want me and me feeling like crap for asking about it.
He's 8 years younger than me, am slightly heavier than I like. I love him so much and know he does love me but .....
(SO sorry for the delay, I didn't get an email alert for some reason!)
Describe what happens/what gets said as renders you feeling bad for bringing it up?
Define 'slightly heavier'. Are you saying he's out of shape? Could this have anything to do with him not wanting to get naked and jiggy? I know fat is usually a female issue, but - not these days with advertising media attention having for so long, now, targeted younger males (don't get me started!). So could that (shame + lethargy) have anything at all to do with it?
Snap no alert sorry for taking so long.
It's me that's slightly heavier than I'd like. He is very thin. I am a 14/16 uk dress size always used to be 12/14. So really don't think it's my size, he says he loves me the way I am.
When I try talking to him he has this knack of making me feel like I am getting at him or nagging him. Am sure he doesn't realise he's doing it but I end up getting upset as he tells me I'm imagining it there's nothing wrong. He then blames it on tired/his thyroid or kids in next room.
The next night after I am 'naughty' he or if he's tired and as falling asleep he says what he will 'do' to me in the morning. Needless to say it has never happened he always 'forgets'.
Thanks for your help on this it's getting me really down now. I love him completely and want him even more.
(Getting you down? That'd be putting it mildly, don't you think?! You must be absolutely gutted. :-( )
I need more clarification and data, if you please:
1. How old are you both, and your kids?
2. Are you saying his thyroid problem is medically under control, now, whereby he should have regained his sexual appetite?
3. Am I right to assume either
[a] he TOLD you it was a thyroid problem the first time you confron- sorry, TRIED to confront him over it, or that
[b] you made noises or gave other indications of your believing it to be the case, which he in whatever ways made no attempt to correct you over, thereby letting you feel sure this was indeed the cause?
4. You mention exes. So when exactly did he develop this thyroid problem of his? And do you get a sense over whether these women are into sex in a long-term way? (PS: That he probably isn't secretly gay, noted.) (You're exceptionally 'leaky', Myth, in case you didn't know? :-))
5. Am I to also understand that whenever it's not his thyroid, the kids being (presumably fast asleep) in the next room conveniently get pulled out of the rabbit's hat? So basically one excuse after the other, rather than the real reason or one that adds up to all the actual in-motion evidence? So that real reason really does need keeping safely under lock and key as far as you're concerned, then?
6. What do YOU think would need to be so tightly guarded and kept from your awareness as would explain why he isn't wanting to bonk your brains out nightly? Or is it that it *is*, still, to do with his condition but that he's started avoiding the topic and clamming up because he's basically given up having to repeat his reassurances on that score and/or, seeing that the thyroid reason isn't getting accepted, then jumps to things he think you WILL be capable of appreciating (not disturbing your babies' important sleep)?
7. Describe his history, according to him, during the two years prior to your meeting, including his relationship(s) (including how and in what manner they broke up). And then describe anything you've since heard/felt/seen that's given you cause(s) to believe that whatever thing(s) he originally told you either can't have been true or had to have been mainly a however much load of 'spin' during the initial 'sales pitch'?
8. Exactly what total of fingers on that one hand [background inference noted] belong to the last 8 months? And how many prior to your wedding day versus ever since?
9. So one of those two occasions of your having had sex together had to have been on your Honeymoon night? How many months along was your wedding?
10. I take it that bothering to mention something that it turned out wasn't anything to do with his lack of desire was your way of trying to communicate the fact that you've been eating more in order to unconsciously redress the lack of pleasure elsewhere (bedroom) and because this is starting to depress you?
11. What was your ex like as a boyfriend? (Or were you married before?)
12. How do you know husband loves you? (Not challenging that fact, btw, just want to know all the ways in which he shows you and/or which impact on your radar.)
13. How's his job? Does he love what he does or is there 'trouble at 't mill'?
14. "The next night after I am 'naughty' he or if he's tired and as falling asleep he says what he will 'do' to me in the morning. Needless to say it has never happened he always 'forgets'."
I have to admit, that does SOUND like tiredness talking...
You don't suppose he might for any reason have to whatever degree exaggerated his illness's recovery/medicine's effectiveness or forecasted rate of? Have you ever 'threatened' to go to his GP with him?
15. What's his answer to the oral disparity situation, specifically?
Sorry it's a lot of questions. But with the right data, and enough of it, you and I together might be able to locate the answer(s) without his input.
Hi am 44 he's 36 kids( mine) 2 boys 9/13. Loves his job no problems there. Won't go back to doctors after they took blood but has said on numerous occasions he's feeling better.
He has had long term and flings his 'exes' include my step sis and friend neither of know I know about them both flings. He was honest at start so it wasn't problem in future and it's not now by any means. Both were a long time ago and meant nothing.
When I bring up subject he gets defensive and blames illness tirdness and makes me feel horrid for asking about it. I have tried mentioning toys and was asked why lol. I could parade about naked and nothing.
I was single for 5 years before him and he was single 2 years. Through choice. This is his first marriage my second.
Both times before marriage once intimate with me since. I know he works hard and is tired at times. No spin he has been very open and honest with me.
He doesn't interact with me when am pleasuring him except odd moan and always holds me close and tells me he loves me after. Xx
You've missed a number of questions as well as provided a few incomplete answers and/or not enough detail, and I'm loathe to start drawing any possible conclusions without all of the data so could you please go back over the questions one by one to ensure you provide those missing answers and details? Cheers.
But in the meantime, one thing that struck me re his refusal to go back to the doctors: if, according to him, the bloods showed lack of thyroid hormones then he would have been prescribed a hormone replacement medication to be taken daily. Normally this requires further, regular monthly blood tests until the right dosage is struck for that particular individual and then a further test annually, not to mention the fact that he'd have needed to have been ringing or visit his GP for repeat prescriptions ever since. The lab would also have checked for other deficiencies or anomalies, e.g. anaemia. To me it sounds like he had bloods taken but that they found nothing untoward, meaning, no further action required.
Hyper or Hypothyroidism can cause a great deal of strain on the heart and lead to related complications, with prior symptoms beyond tiredness showing (being over-hot or -cold and itchy for example) so medical professionals take great care over the diagnosis so as not to miss a thing.
So am I to conclude from this that his bloods had to have come back clear, meaning, he lied to you about having thyroid problems?