Am I crazy???
I have to know if I'm being crazy or not! My boyfriend and I have been in a turbulent relationship on and off for 4 years. When I say turbulent, I mean he has broken up with me in some form or another at least 30 times. The last big time (Jan 2015) he moved out of our house and back in with his mom. A few months later, he was back asking to work it out again. We did. He began talking to an old flame of his for months. I found out, we tried to work it out again to no avail. I moved out this time, last Nov after he said he didn't want to be with me anymore. Ok fine. Again he comes back, tries to convince me we can make it this time. On my birthday, Feb 15 he finally convinces me but tells me that he plans to start a business soon and will be very very busy. I say ok, I understand. Come to find out, he borrowed 45k from his grandparents who hate me inexplicably. Originally, it was because I'm part black but later it became a problem when I made my boyfriend an authorized user on a credit card of mine. From that moment on, I was not allowed at family functions anymore, holidays...the whole nine yards. The 45k came with the proviso that he could no longer see me. He decided to "disobey" and see me secretly. Basically, I was downgraded to a "intimacy-only" type of girl. Then, once the business came around to taking shape, he informed me I would never be allowed on the premise because that was the family's stipulation as well as his best friend who also decided he would start hating me as well. My boyfriend said that he obviously did not agree with this policy but his hands were tied as they held all the money and were helping him. I remained supportive until about 3 weeks ago when I decided I was starting to get upset about this. I saw him an hour or two every two weeks and that was it. I spoke up and I was yelled at for not being supportive and getting too involved in something that wasn't my business and this is the way it is, if I don't like it, there is the door...
Since then, I've remained distant. He still reaches out by way of text every day with "hey" "good morning" etc. Opening day of his business came around and there were all sorts of happy friendly pictures online and obviously I'm no where to be seen. He told me tonight that this will likely go on for another 6 months to a year of me barely seeing or speaking to him and I still cannot come see him.
Am I wrong for being devastated or should I stick it out? He tells me he still wants to be with me and that this is only temporary. I can't see this ending well one way or another, though.
it seems you're being manipulated by a man who keeps you on a psychological and emotional leash - addicted to an on-off relation where the bait is every time the "picture" - the promise of it all coming together - finally - at last
but this "at last" thing is never going to happen
besides - it seems he has managed to have you be hated and rejected by his family and best friend : what on earth might he have told them to make them hate you in such overt ways ? - this seems to be his way of getting more influence over who you are to be and how you are to behave in this situation - using "flying monkeys" or enablers
we are here quite clearly in what seems an abusive situation : you are being manipulated and abused - downsized at will and rejected when decided : he seems to be the one who gets to decide now - how and when and if even you get to see him at all anymore
he has taken over the power (to control you) - the relation is unilateral - he is threatening you with "here's the door if you don't like it this way" but keeping you at hand with the dangling carrot of texting you little hello's here and there - making you wait - having you in constant "need" mode
you are in an addictive relationship - addictive for you and as we know - any addiction only gets worse and worse with the need for more intense or extreme - and all this is to his advantage - not yours
wake up : you're being abused and this is not going to change - you have seen it going on - on-off for the last 4 years
get out - break off - get away and back into your own shoes - don't go looking for discussion or "working it out" - getting closure - rationalizing - analyzing - understanding and explaining or what not : this is not going to work and he will use it to bait you once again - once more : how long before you loose your mind ?
just tell him you've had it and you're off - take back your stuff - find yourself a place to stay (best if possible far away - geographically) and rebuild yourself a life - a good one this time
don't feel bad, guilty or ashamed : it happens to a lot of people - just get out - keep it short and simple - factual and pragmatic : no feelings
you will have to work on getting closure for yourself - go find a decent counselor or therapist - get any material, financial, legal, psychological help you can get - look for people, friends, family who will support you because they love you
don't wait : 4 years should be enough for you to see the reality of the situation