I'm stuck in an abusive family and I need out
Hello everybody, I'm relatively new to this forum and would like to begin by thanking you all for taking the time to read this. I don't know any of you, but I also don't know who else to turn to, and I don't now if anyone will listen to me.
I'm a fifteen-year-old sophomore going into junior year, but I bring with me a heavy burden as I transition. Before I begin to delve into the situation of my present, I will unravel my past. Since I was five years of age, I was always a bit troublesome. This was mainly attributed to the behavior of my parents. I learned from a very early age that if I were to do anything wrong, trivial or significant, I would be punished. Now these were not your typical punishments, they were physical punishments. They would pelt me with their belts, computer cables, their shoes, smack me around. I hated seeing cuts, welts, or bruises on my body; but I especially hated the pain that accompanied them. I started lying to avoid punishment. I would lie for anything in the fear that I would be hurt.
The fear didn't stop there. I was terrified of going out into public since I was three years of age. My parents would constantly tell me I wasn't as "fresh-looking" as other children, that I resembled a "dead person", that I looked like a "zombie", that I was and looked "unhealthy", that I had the face of a "goat". They would tell me I was a disgrace to them, that I made them look bad. I hid my face, I was afraid of what others had to say. I would sit on a bench alone while all the other children played. How I longed for friends, for people to talk to. I was always distant in class, reading and drawing while the teacher would speak. This led to their concern and they would constantly contact my parents for sit-in conferences. Every single one them said the same thing: "She's so bright, so intelligent. Her potential is just so amazing. Why won't she try? Why is she so detached?" Every single time my parents would scream at me or beat me when we got home. I eventually just ceased to try. I earned all B's all the time and would get pummeled for it. I will never forget the time my parents held me by the leg and beat me with a wooden hairbrush. It's true I didn't try in school and I wish I had tried harder, but it's also true my parents never tried to talk with me about anything.
Fast forward about ten years and I'm in high school. I was putting effort into my school after the incident that went down between my father and I in 2012. My mother took out one of my drawings and accused me of doodling during class. I plead with her, telling her I did it during my lunch period, and I truly had. She waited for my father to come home, and told him of her "assumption". He threw me on my bed and then threw his keys at me. His keys hit me directly on my palm, tearing some skin off and lodging themselves in there. He simply took his keys back and went out of my bedroom. My mother stood there and continued speaking. I'm not sure if that would compare to what happened about two weeks before that. I received a "C" on a worksheet and he saw it. My father dragged me into the garage and proceeded to beat me with an electric cable he found lying there. After all of this happened, I began earning honor roll. My parents acted like they loved me then, but I hated them more than I had ever hated them in my life. I was attending a school I hated and I once again had no friends. I stopped trying after that. My GPA went from a 4.0 through my freshman year to a 3.2 by the second term of my sophomore year (of course I brought it up to a 3.5 after that). By then I had actually began making friends and realizing I didn't want to leave. I met people who cared for me and loved me. My parents had always told me that everyone was evil and that friends didn't exist. They told me that they were the only ones I needed. They wouldn't let me join any afterschool clubs or even go to school before the morning bell rang. When I found people that cared, I was so happy. I decided to bring my grades back up again. By now, my parents knew I had friends and had started threatening to remove me from the school if I didn't bring my grades up. Of course, I wasn't surprised.
Now we're in the present. Sophomore year started and I was making new friends rapidly after I began to disregard my parents. My parents never gave me a phone, so I had to sneak on to my mother's phone to contact any of my peers. One night, I was on her phone when my father walked in and caught me. I won't deny I probably deserved what happened next. He dragged me out of bed and onto the floor. He punched me and kicked me before walking out to retrieve a wire to beat me with. It tore into my skin and soon, I had cuts and welts all over my legs. I crawled back into bed after that and walked to school the next morning. When my teachers saw my face, they immediately sent me down to the nurse, who then sent me to the counselor. She called DCF and had a private investigator come to my home. There was a scene in front of my house when I got there. My parents lied and denied that they ever laid a finger on me. DCF took pictures of my face and body anyway and after that, they left. I was fuming, I had never despised my parents so much.
They took me out my school and transferred me into the school I hated the most. My classes were all screwed up and I nearly lost some of my college credits. I gave up on academics at that point and earned my first "F" on a report card. I did get beaten, but I didn't care anymore. Gradually I began to like the school more and more until I preferred it over my original one. The people there made me feel at home and lifted me up when I was in my worst of times. Nowadays my parents constantly insult me and talk about me. They've pretty much taken everything away from and keep me on extreme lockdown.
This brings me to my current situation. I've been doing a lot of research on jobs and the emancipation process and I've learned a lot. After stumbling upon the concept of "freelancing", I realized that I needed to begin freelancing as soon as possible. The problem is, I don't know where to start. I've contacted a few people, but they only told basically just recycled information right back to me; I suppose they wouldn't want to waste anytime with a child. I need a mentor, someone to guide me through this process. I need to be established in the freelancing world so I can start earning. I need to become independent so I can prove I can support myself. I need to be released from the custody of my parents.
I am fully aware of the hardships that come with being independent, but I'm willing to deal with them. I need someone, anyone, to take me under there wing and help me out. If there's a freelancer out there, especially in the categories of writing, art, or web design, who's willing to mentor and help me, please just respond to this thread. For anyone else, I am in need of your advice on what to do for now. I can't keep living in this state. I suffer from depression, anxiety, and am constantly plagued by thoughts of suicide. Please, someone help.
Hi- You should start by contacting the DCF In Investigator and find out status of his investigation. Inform him of your family history (all of it) document you have gone through give copies to both DCF Investigator and School Counselor.
Ask to be remove from your home immediately.
Completing your education is paramount, education is the key to becoming self sufficient and independent.
Your parents are using physical well as mental abuse to control you to effect your self esteem. Your parents are "sick" and at 15 years old you have a SAY in your life. Understand your life will change for the better. You are not alone
Please keep in touch
First of all, you are very smart and brave to contact this board.
It’s great that the teacher and the nurse took steps to improve your situation. It’s upsetting that you had to have physical marks on you before anyone would assume there must be something bad happening.
It’s great that they put you in a new school. It’s upsetting that they put you back in the same house where you were getting beaten. What is it with that?
Do they check on you every five minutes to find out if you are OK?
You’re 15. You’re smart to be looking for a way to get out of this. I would like to give you a column that helped me, in that it said, when going into a problem be positive that you can solve it, for it increases your chances of actually solving it.
I didn’t know it, but unconsciously I was negative, having been raised in a negative home, and/or, it was in my genes, I’m manic-depressive.
So, I think you need to believe that you can survive this. One problem is, you’re only 15, and you’re dependent on the people who are trying to destroy you. You are very vulnerable to attack.
As was suggested above, it would be great if you could get out of your house. What we need is for everyone to be positive that you can do this, because in its purest form, this is a problem. And what? We’re supposed to be positive going into a problem that we can solve it, for it increases our chances of that.
For instance, being positive, can you move into the house of one of your schoolmates?
I know, it could be difficult. But what we’re doing is opening up our minds in an effort to get you out of that house. And as it said in the column on being positive, keep our minds open to possibilities, and don’t automatically turn down any suggestion.
For instance, my niece move out of her house at about age 13, I’ll guess, because her single mother would bring in men, is my guess. She moved in with a good friend, and was there when she graduated from high school.
So see, she did it. Now we’re trying to apply that to you. Well, yeah, take Anne Frank, for instance, well, yeah, a writer like you.
She and her family did pretty good. As a Jew, she lived in the late 1930s and early 1940s in Nazi, Germany, who were trying to kill all the Jews. Some Jews escaped the country by walking through the woods to another country.
Some came to America.
Anne Frank, well, yeah, a teenage girl, and her family found shelter in the second floor of a book store, which had a hidden staircase behind some bookshelves.
Well, they hid for more than five years, in a small couple of rooms. Then, one night, they dropped something on the floor, which they knew could be trouble. A few days later, the Nazi’s came and found their hideout. She and her family were on the last train (World War II soon ended) to Auzvitze, a Nazi concentration camp, where Anne
Frank and her family were killed.
Anne Frank kept an account or her ordeal, from which a book and a movie was made, “the Diary of Anne Frank.” Oh, what was one of the things she wrote in her diary?
“I still believe in the goodness of man.”
Oh, well, I told you she was unusual. Aw, so she and her family found an alternative place to live.
Which is what we need to find for you.
Do you have anyone you know at school you could move in with?
As was questioned above, what is the result of the investigation? Did they believe your parents?
Another possibility is to get put into a foster home. As you mentioned, that can be as rough as the original one, from horror stories I’ve heard. But sometimes they also work out.
Can you check with DCF or your school counselor about that? Can either of those, tell you about foster homes? Can you get with a female psychologist as some counseling group and ask her about foster homes, or something like that?
You wrote, “I need to be released from the custody of my parents.”
So how about checking with your school counselor and DCF and let us know what they say about the investigation.
That’s probably going to be the first step in getting you out of the custoday of your parents. If you could get someone on your side, like a female counselor, that could help. What about your school counselor, is she on your side?
Could you ask her about getting a female psychologist?
You said, “I need to be established in the freelancing world so I can start earning.”
You have spunk. That’s going to help you get out of this situation.
“If there's a freelancer out there, especially in the categories of writing, art, or web design, who's willing to mentor and help me, please just respond to this thread.”
I’ve done some writing, and done some freelance writing. For most people, there’s not a lot of money in freelance writing, but there is a lot of fun. I have worked in writing jobs. So you can aim for that. Do you like to write, now? What type of writing do you enjoy?
I like to write non-fiction. I like to write about people. I write family history and local history. I like to write feature stories about unusual people or situations. I would like to write about you, for instance, with all the turmoil and efforts to escape that.
You wrote, “After stumbling upon the concept of "freelancing", I realized that I needed to begin freelancing as soon as possible. The problem is, I don't know where to start.”
One place you could start is your high school newspaper.
You wrote: “I need a mentor, someone to guide me through this process. I need to be established in the freelancing world so I can start earning. I need to become independent so I can prove I can support myself.”
You have a great imagination. Go to one of these homes that keeps foster kids, and interview of of the girls to find out what she’s been through for your school paper or for a nearby city’s grocery store type paper where they give it away free in newspaper racks. Go to a grocery store and write down the names of the free newspapers, or the paid newspapers, and contact the editors to see if they could use such a story on a girl whose been abused. Go to an agency to get the names and location of such a person, and interview her.
If you could keep checking with us and let us know what is going on.
"This brings me to my current situation. I've been doing a lot of research on jobs and the emancipation process and I've learned a lot. After stumbling upon the concept of "freelancing", I realized that I needed to begin freelancing as soon as possible. The problem is, I don't know where to start. I've contacted a few people, but they only told basically just recycled information right back to me; I suppose they wouldn't want to waste anytime with a child. I need a mentor, someone to guide me through this process. I need to be established in the freelancing world so I can start earning. I need to become independent so I can prove I can support myself. I need to be released from the custody of my parents.
”For anyone else, I am in need of your advice on what to do for now. I can't keep living in this state. I suffer from depression, anxiety, and am constantly plagued by thoughts of suicide. Please, someone help.”
You’ve been through it, so you would be a great person to write that story.
Now we’re asking you for something, please let us know what is going on.
Below is some data from something called childhelp.
Resources for Kids
What You Should Know
CALL 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) then push 1 to talk to a hotline counselor. The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The hotline counselors work with translators who speak more than 200 languages to help callers who speak a language other than English. All calls are anonymous. (The hotline counselors don’t know who you are and you don’t have to tell them.)
• No one has the right to abuse you.
• You don’t deserve to be abused.
• If you are being abused, you are a victim.
• It’s not your fault that you are being treated this way.
• It is wrong that you are suffering this pain, fear or sadness.
• You are not alone. Other kids suffer abuse, too.
• Sometimes abusers scare or threaten kids so they won’t tell.
• There are people who care about you and want to help you.
• If you are being abused, please tell a safe person – that’s someone you can trust like a teacher, counselor, school nurse, neighbor or parent. You can also talk to a Childhelp hotline counselor.
• How to protect yourself from abuse.
• Do not be alone with anyone who hurts you.
• Listen to the little voice or gut feeling inside you when it says what is being done to you isn’t right.
• Find an adult you trust and tell them what is happening. If they don’t believe you, keep telling other adults until someone does believe you!
• The adult you speak to (perhaps a teacher or a neighbor) may want to tell the police or Child Protective Services about the person who is hurting you. If they don’t know the telephone number to call to make the report, they should call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) and press 1 to speak with a hotline crisis counselor. The crisis counselor will give them the best number to call in your community.
• If you are too nervous or scared to tell someone you know about the abuse, but want it reported to the people who look into child abuse, call 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453), then press 1. A Childhelp hotline counselor can make a three-way call so that you, the hotline counselor, and the person taking the report in your area are all on the telephone at the same time.
• Before you call to make the report, the hotline counselor can tell you what may happen after a report of abuse is made.
• A lot of people don’t realize it, but every day in the United States thousands of kids are abused. That adds up to millions of kids each year. More than 3.3 million in fact.
• Often children and teens are abused by the people who are closest to them like family, friends, sitters, neighbors and sometimes even teachers and coaches. These are the very people that children should feel the safest with.
• You are not alone. If you need help or have questions about child abuse, call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) then push 1 to talk to a counselor. The hotline counselors are available 365 days a year to help kids, and adults who are worried about kids they suspect are being abused. You can call this number if you live in the United States, Canada, Puerto Rico, Guam or the U.S. Virgin Islands.
• There WILL NOT be a charge for the call on your telephone bill if you use a regular phone or a pay phone. If you use a mobile phone or cell phone, there may be a charge and it may show up on the telephone bill. (Don’t use a mobile or cell phone if you want to be sure your call is a secret.) Do not make prank calls to the hotline. This will tie up the phones and keep us from talking to someone who really needs help right away.
(below is also from childhelp
Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline
The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453) is dedicated to the prevention of child abuse. Serving the United States, its territories, and Canada, the hotline is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with professional crisis counselors who, through interpreters, can provide assistance in over 200 languages. The hotline offers crisis intervention, information, literature, and referrals to thousands of emergency, social service, and support resources. All calls are confidential.
The hotline has received more than 2 million calls since it began in 1982. These calls come from children at risk for abuse, distressed parents seeking crisis intervention and concerned individuals who suspect that child abuse may be occurring. The hotline is also a valuable resource for those who are mandated by law to report suspected abuse, such as school personnel, medical and mental health professionals and police and fire investigators.
What to expect when calling the hotline:
When calling 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453), a qualified crisis counselor will answer and assist you, if you:
• Need help and want to talk to a counselor.
• Are in physical or emotional crisis and need support and encouragement.
• Need to be connected to the best possible resources in your area.
• Have questions about the signs of child abuse.
• Need to find out how to report known or suspected abuse.
• Have questions about the reporting process and what you might expect through the process.
• Want to learn about Childhelp programs that will address you or your child’s needs.
• Want to learn about resources available to parents, grandparents and caregivers.
• Need emotional support as a survivor of abuse.
• Want a referral to an agency, counseling or other services near where you live.
• Want literature mailed to you. (Allow two weeks for delivery via the U.S. Postal Service.)
• Want information on how to make a donation to Childhelp.
• Childhelp crisis counselors cannot come to the home where the abuse is happening and take away the child or teen who is in danger of being hurt and put them in a new home.
• The Childhelp Hotline crisis counselors can’t make the child abuse report for you, but we are here to help you through it.
Childhelp counselors can assist you by providing options based on the situation you describe. They cannot tell you what to do or guarantee that a specific outcome will occur.
(below is from >www.childhelp.org<
Personal Story by Michael
Prior to my arrival at Childhelp in 1996, I was taken out of my mother’s home and placed with an aunt who was just as bad. My mother was a severe drug user addicted to methamphetamine; her addiction affected her parenting skills.
We children were exposed to environments we never should have been exposed to at such a young age. Mom never abused us, we just weren’t treated like we were supposed to be. It was late one evening, and usually my aunt would take care of us. My Aunt wanted to get out and have a little fun one evening. So my mom was to take care, all my cousins were there and I although I was lying right next to mom she was upset because nobody was minding her. So in her anger she hit me several times with a belt. I was being washed one evening by my aunt when she discovered the welts on my back she was furious! She asked mom “What happened?” She said “I messed up!!” It was later revealed by somebody and eventually reported to C.P.S. and I was later removed from home. When I was placed at Chilhelp, I felt love the minute I walked into the Intake office and chose my “stuffie” I wanted to keep. I remember it was a little rabbit that I tugged around by the arm. I remember the sweet voice who said “Go ahead you can pick one.” Her name was Jennifer if I remember correctly.
I was then placed in Cottage 4B and I remember meeting the staff there. They were just so awesome and some of them I looked at as mother’s. I remember I was at Childhelp a few weeks and then a new staff member came along and her name was Kym Young. At the time we quickly bonded because she reminded me so much of my mother. Kym read Dr. Seuss to us and I had always loved Dr. Seuss books at home. I even had a little collection of my own.I didn’t know about church, but every Sunday we got dressed up in our little suits and headed off to chapel. It was an important part of our schedule.
Going to Childhelp was such an amazing part of my little journey in life. I made so many great relationships that
I still have today, but so many kids just forget about the relationships they make. Since the staff at Childhelp made such an impact in my life I continue to keep in contact because I feel that keeping in contact with the staff I liked helped me when I looked back and began feeling sad. I cannot count the number of homes I was placed in because it’s such a numerous amount. I began to develop an anger problem from being away from my mother the sadness just turned into anger. I cried a lot but the tears became vicious and I just wanted to hurt everything in my way.
That is the reason I was placed in so many homes. I am 17 now and I have a hate for Child Abuse/Neglect. I also have a hate for Drug Abusers because what I had to go through. I am always going to have ties with Childhelp and at some point in my life I want to work for Childhelp or do a volunteer activity or something special for them like plant a tree in thanks and put a little plaque.
I don’t know just something special. I have now been back home with my biological family going on three years in October 2010. Even though there have been those down falls where mom gets incarcerated I still have family who care. Without Childhelp I wouldn’t be who I am today, I wouldn’t be respectful, I wouldn’t have morals, I wouldn’t care about life and what goes on in it. If my mother raised me from the beginning until the end I think I’d be in prison somewhere perhaps dead.
Thanks Childhelp for being the Turing Point in my life and making a difference.