Are these valid reasons to leave?
CRAZYCATLADY - May 2 2016 at 03:26
I have been married for 10 years. The last 4 years haven't been so great. My husband got addicted to pain pills (but that was more like 5-6 years ago.) And it resulted in him losing his job. So for two years, I stood by his side as the loving, supportive wife just knowing that things would get better again.
We, it still hasn't. He hasn't kept a job for more than 6 months since then and any job he has kept, he didn't go often enough (which is why he was always let go) and he would be let go. Its been a year since he last a job, and 6 months since the unemployment ended. I stay home with the kids because I don't feel good about leaving them with him.
Now, his attitude is so unpredictable and he blows up and gets really ugly. All of our money (which is not a lot) he spends on himself or at the casino because "one day he'll hit a jackpot." So instead of for sure having $20 and being able to pay his fines or insurance, we MIGHT win a lot.
He also told me o could get a cat, which I wanted for a long time, and didn't get one because he said no. He finally said yes and I got one. But now he is so cruel to the cat, and when he's being mean to him, me screaming and yelling at him, its like I'm not even there. I have to push him away fromtl the cat and it always ends up with me upset. I take the cat with me when I leave. When I tell him that if he doesn't be nice to the cat then I will leave, he twists it saying I am letting a cat come between us and thatni care about the cat more. But that isn't true. I feel like anyone would leave if someone was as cruel to their pet like he is to mine. But when he says that, it makes me question whether i am right or not.
He makes "jokes", quotations because that's what he says they are. That hurt my feelings. Like women dont deserve rights, gay people don't deserve rights. Those aren't jokes to me, and I feel very strongly that we all deserve the same rights.
He has called me fat, slut, and other bad words (I don't want to use them in case they upset anyone).
He makes threats about taking the kids and leaving the state.
I never get gifts for any occasion. I put so much effort into my gifts for him, and then I get told "I don't like holidays". Or threats of selling my things (kindle, laptop, etc) because I haven't used it enough in his opinion and since he bought it (when he.had a job, or at tax time) he can do whatever he likes with it.
He never makes an effort to watch things I enjoy so we can have things in common. Even though I watch things he likes to make the effort.
I get called a b**** because he wants to drink and then have me drive him aroubd. I get called the name when I refuse because I refuse to drive the car without insurance.
I'm really fed up. There is so much more. I just want to knownif my reasons are valid. That I'm not crazy, or letting the cat come between us.
Am I wrong? I have tried to talk to him, he only agrees to get help to keep me from leaving in the moment and then refuses later. I feel stuck. I don't know if I'm justified in going, or if I am just being a b**** and not being supportive enough.
I think you're justified in leaving. If he isn't willing to get help or do any work towards your relationship there really isn't much to be done. If I were you I would at least file for a separation and tell him that this is it we can work through couples therapy rehab for him and anything else you might deem necessary. Give him a length of time and if he can't get it together tell him there is nothing more you can do and you will be filing for divorce. I think it's salvageable but he needs to do some work. I think a separation will show that you're serious.
Hi- I broke up with a college boyfriend because he tormented my cat for me it was a no brainier :). And yes you have spent enough time in mental hell. Your problen iks you've been too supportive which he has taken advantage of.
Not able to keep a job to support his family by not showing up! What's up with that? Why can't he get to work? You married a loser.
You say " his attitude is so unpredictable and b"lows up and get really ugly I don't feel comfortable leaving the children or cat with him" My guess he's still popping pills.
You must plan your exit- get legal advice so you know what you're facing. How will you support your family since he has no reliable income? ou must stop talking and take real action. I don't think he's gonna change- that's just a pipe dream of yours- not his.
Its hard with the history you guys have I'm sure its easy to think back and focus on the good times, as well as the possibility of the future being better. BUt as corny as it sounds, you onnly have one life so why should you spend it sitting around waiting for it to get better. I think you put your time in, you tried as hard as you could to make it work and to be supportive: he has to want to help himself and it seems like the possibility of losing you isn't enough for him to take action. You now need to think of you. So yes, I think its time to leave and start living your life for you :) Good luck!