I don't like children but I have a child, now what?
Last year I gave birth to a boy around October, as soon as I could I spoke to a social worker to arrange for Him to be adopted. The baby's dad butted in though claiming that He'll be "there" and raise the child.
The idiot has no job , lives with his mother and three other welfare kids. I was so angry because all this guy does all day is smoke and drink.
Anyway, so He has the baby now and all my friends are telling Me I should take the child. Mother's sacrifice for their children, Mother's are always there bla bla. I honestly don't feel any of those warm protective feelings, I'm just annoyed that I didn't tie up my tubes when I was old enough.
Children are okay, sometimes cute but I can't even commit to anything let alone sacrifice my whole life for a child I never wanted to have. I even drank and smoke while I was pregnant, fell a couple of times , bled etc and the kid was 100% healthy. It's not fair, I should've had a miscarriage, I'm just one of those people that don't deserve to give life. Straight out.
That's why I wanted him adopted. I wanted him to have two parents that love each other and want to provide the best for him. Not an idiot father who purposely impregnates women and a mother who hates children
I don't know what you should do about the past, but I know what you should do in the present:
Start taking birth control.
You can use an aspirin. Put an aspirin between your legs, and then don't let the aspirin fall by not opening you legs.
What are you thinking? 100 reasons why you don't want a kid, and no explanation of why you didn't take birth control to stop from having a kid.
I predict 10 more kids in your life. Try to stop the next 9 from being born, by taking birth control.
What area of your mind do you live in? No mention of if you're taking birth control now.
What's going on with that?
Don't feel bad or guilty or mad that you don't have strong maternal instincts. It's a "learned skill" - not something you are born with, in spite of people telling you so.
It sounds like you ARE concerned about the health and welfare of the child, however.
So - there IS a grandmother (his mom) present in this child's life. You are angry at the father, but what about grandma's parenting skills? Unless the child is being abused, then assume he/she is OK in this setting.
I really encourage you to get counseling about this. You seems to have a "shield" up (protection device?) about how you feel, have some strong feelings, then feel angry about it all, then get bombarded with guilt and shame from others - and from yourself.
A counselor will help you dig down and find out where all this is coming from, so you can get on with your life, comfortable with your "today conviction" that you desire not to be in a mother role.
Good luck. Get some professional help. This will eat you up unless you do.
Sussieq is ryt
Well u shud take away the child dun give him in hands of such bad ppl he is innocent.
If u cant keep him then give him to some other reliable and caring couple who will lov him always.
(This is a public service broadcast ("bing-bong-binggg..."):
Could I please just put on record that inserting any amount of aspirin into the vagina does *not* prevent conception, it's a complete myth. So, 'kids', please don't try this at home and instead invest in proper, medically-recognised forms of contraception.
I wasn't the one who decided not to take birth control. I'm not stupid, I was just in a bad relationship where I had no control over my own body. And as soon as I gave birth I got on the injection.
Why do You call it a " today conviction"
And I guess the gran is taking care of Him but she's really old now. What's going to happen when She passes away
Right this judgemental idiot actually thinks that's advice. Thanks I appreciate it, I've had ONE child. My first and last. I don't smoke or drink anymore and I'm continuing my College education. I'm also working so wtf am I being painted into a baby machine for? I just wanted to know why I'm not interested in parenting. Or why I can't love my child. THE LAST THING ON MY MIND IS DATING OR HAVING SEX OR SLEEPING AROUND
"today conviction" = your strong belief that you have at this time.
Are you willing to consider counseling? This all seems to pain you. Might feel good talking this out with a non-judgemental person (female)
I agree totally with SUSIEDQQ she sounds to me like a very sensible lady
I think it is great that you know yourself. You are saying you know you are not the right person to raise a child because you are not committed enough to do so. That is a great that you have a sense of self awareness. I also want to commend you for having the child even though you didn't really want to.
There is clearly a sense of decency in you since you cared enough to want to have the child adopted by parents who are loving. I would say that maybe you can still explore that option. Maybe initiate a state intervention in the sense of having the state step in to provide services like foster care, respite care, parenting classes for the father etc. He seems like a stand up guy for taking his child and caring for him, even if he's not perfect at it.
You should also take responsibility, which seems to be lacking from your life. The father of your child AND YOU, made this child. So, he didn't "get a woman who hates kids pregnant," that's something you all did together. Getting your tubes tied might be a good step for you. But, you sound really young and you may change your mind in the future. I've been married for many years and the "mother gene" just kicked in for me, internally. Up until now, I questioned rather I was really the "mother type."
Best of luck to you.
(AntiDelwa, you can pose objection to any attempts at advice or queries you find offensive but please don't get personal and start calling other posters idiots, it's not necessary. Thanks.)
Okay, I understand