I don't like children
My biological son is 7 and my stepson is 3. I don't want to offend anyone or look like a monster by saying this, but I have no interest in children. I truly thought this was a phase; however, it's been 7 years and nothing has changed. I've been told that there is an unbreakable bond between mother and child...I'm still waiting to feel it. Don't get me wrong, I would never harm my children. They are spoiled to the bone. I get extremely stressed out when they are around and I'm miserable (incredibly selfish, I know). My husband and I are completely happy when they aren't around, but when they come home (we have shared custody), we always end up fighting.
I want to want to be around my children. I feel so fake when I talk to them and I have this constant feeling of being annoyed. I want to teach them things and be super mom but I'm very discouraged since it hasn't happened yet. It's not fair to them but I can't seem to change the way I feel.
Is there anyone out there that feels this way or am I really a monster?
No, you are not a "monster". At least you are honest about how you feel.
I have two words for you: baby sitter Or summer camp.
Get some help ASAP so you don't feel so overwhelmed. Nanny, high school girl, daycare??
Get a job you like outside the house, even if your wages go to child care costs.
You don't mention your husband (is there one?) Does he know that you need some help caring for these children (who are at the MOST needy ages?)
What did you do before you had children?
I don't think you're a monster but, I do think you're someone who should have given having children more thought. I think maybe you should try counseling and if that's not an option for you, hopefully someone who has been through this can give you some tips. Although, I did find you saying " My husband and I are completely happy when they aren't around, but when they come home (we have shared custody), we always end up fighting." a little bit concerning. This issue you're dealing with really has more to do with you because, it seems you felt this way before you had them. When you said that, you made it sound like they're the source of you and your husband's fighting.