Feels like I can't get life started
Hello. This is my first post to this site as I'm new. I'm a female in my 30's. I feel like everyone else around me in life are driving off well on their way in life - and I can't even get the car of my life to start. I have been through a lot, my parents divorced, my relationships with my dad broke down in my 20's and then my mother died suddenly in her sleep. I was living with her and her second husband at the time and I am still stuck in my late mothers home with her husband who I don't really get along with. I can't just move out because the company I worked for have closed down so now I'm unemployed. I also have no friends to move in with because their lives have all worked out - they have boyfriends/husbands/their own homes and kids. I feel down every time I get invited over to their homes because I see all that they have (kids, husband to come home too, their own place) Then I come home to where I used to live with my mother with no-one but her partner here who I don't get along with. I feel like I have a life of a teenager - but I'm in my 30's. I live in a small town of about 6,000 people and have lived here ALL my life. I can't move away because I'm so scared to move in with strangers because they could be anyone and I don't want to live with people I don't know - plus I'm unemployed so can't afford to rent - and there are no jobs in my small town.
Why can't I just meet a man like all my friends have? I have done online dating for years and all the guys I like don't like me - then the ones I don't like get all obsessed and really into me. Men look at me when I'm out shopping and are nice to me - I have even had a few friendships breakdown on my because friends boyfriends/husbands have liked me or commented on how I'm attractive and can't believe I'm single - so my friends have got jealous and stopped hanging about with me - this in turn means I feel rejected and lonely. I spent lots of time sleeping or in my room alone on the internet these days - WHY CAN'T A SINGLE GUY LIKE ME AND COMMENT ON ME BEING ATTRACTIVE? WHYS IS IT ALWAYS THE TAKEN ONES? I want holidays and my own home with my very own husband. I'm so unhappy I pray to die in my sleep sometimes - like my mother did.....WHY doesn't anything work out...i feel so trapped. No parents, no home of my own, no boyfriend, lack of friends, stuck in a small town with no jobs, been made redundant but can't move out because all my friends are in relationships and I don't want to live with strangers. I feel hopeless
How about living alone? Get a one bedroom or studio apartment? I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and cannot imagine that pain. It seems like you are looking for someone to take care of you, a parent, a husband, but sweety you need to learn to take care of yourself. And by no means is being married with a husband making the money a gift. Take it from me, if the relationship isn't working then you end up feeling as trapped and lonely as you do now, except you have kids in the picture to care for and demand things from you. Get any job and save enough money for deposit and a couple months rent and buy a bus ticket to a bigger town with more opportunites. It may take a while to save the money up, but if your living at home hopefully your bills aren't too high. To get your life started you have to take risks and maybe they work out and maybe they don't, but things won't change unless you do. And by any job I mean freaking Burger King if you have to. Others may scoff, but if you have a plan you know what it is for. I should actually take my own advice as well, the grass I promise you is not greener on the other side of the marriage line. And you will feel just as trapped.
Are you going to take the advice LINNEYFAY gave you?