Trying to save my relationship
Me and my girl have been dating for 6 months. 3 months into the relationship we decided to finally have sex and due to me being so tired from very little sleep, basketball, then drinking and partying with her, I couldn't stay erect. Since then she has been apprehensive with having sex. She would hesitate when the night is done to bring me back to her place (I don't have my own place) even if she is saying how much she wants me. She would say how nervous she is to take it there with me. I tried to be so patient but now its gotten worse.
She was being distant this past weekend and I wanted to know what was wrong so I got her to talk (I called but she replied through text). She said that she can't get past what happened and she doesn't wanna have sex with me despite the fact that she loves me. She said I don't deserve to deal with this in a relationship.
I told her that she doesn't seem like she is trying because it feels like she has been running. She has had numerous opportunities after dates to take me home since then and she holds back. Anytime I have tried to set a date night at her place she has found a reason to change up plans or reschedule...which she said she has realized how she feels about this is the reason why she has done that.
She told me that she isn't blaming me and its her and she is disappointed in how she feels. I told her that I feel she has put too much pressure on herself cuz of what happened and it feels like she was banking on things to be just right and as soon as something went left she is retreating. She said "i guess your right".
After telling her that she needs to let go of what is holding her back, she said she needs some time and space. I agreed to give it to her but I asked what are the rules during this period of time. She replied "i don't have rules. I don't know how to answer the question. I don't wanna waste your time". My response to that was "you're only wasting my time if you are letting me down smoothly". She immediately asked me when I would be free to speak on the phone in which I told her a half hour but we both got caught up at work and I called her when I got out. She didn't respond but then texted me last night saying she had a crazy day and didn't want me to think she wasn't reaching out. I told her I understood and she said thanks. I told her no problem and that was it.
That was last night, I haven't heard anything today. I know she asked for space and time but I figured she would at least call me back regarding what she wanted to talk about, which I assume is the "rules" or my statement about her letting me down smoothly. I will not reach out I feel that's the best thing.
My question is what do you think my chances are that she will come back ready to work this out? What can I do to make things easier if she does want to work this out? Any thoughts or advice appreciated.
When a man cannot stay erect, many women immediately believe that the man is not truly attracted to them. This may be what she is feeling, that she's not sexy or pretty enough for you, she may even have body issues and might be thinking you were turned off by her.
Either way, you seem to really like her and this is not something anyone should break up over. I'm wondering, is she immature in other areas of her personality?
I think you should give it ONE more try. Go all out; flowers, an inexpensive gift, tell her how beautiful she is, how much she means to you and how much you want her. Make eye contact and let her know you are being completely honest with her. If she STILL wants space, then you might have to face the fact that she might not be into you like that anymore. If this is the case. Take time for yourself to mourn your loss of her and then MOVE ON!
Best of luck
She mentioned that in the past she has been known to sabotage relationships and I feel that part of her mind has been in effect since then. Last week before she got distant we were out and she asked me "do u feel like an adult?" and I told her "of course...im responsible for my decisions that's what makes me an adult". She said besides paying bills and working she doesn't feel like an adult. A few times in arguments she has shown mild immaturity in the sense of being extra emotional but this was the first time this was said in this way and it was a bit strange. Few days after she got distant.
I know she has been going thru some tough emotions recently from the death of her aunt 3 weeks ago, and I've been supportive the whole time. She had a dream sometime after the death and told me it had her thinking a lot about the future and that was the first time she brought up the fact that she still hasn't been able to get past the situation of us failing to have sex since that time. The extra emotions may not help all this either...keep in mind she is 34 she wants kids soon and she feels like she shouldve been married with a family by now (that was also said in the conversation after her aunt passed)
As far as the first time we tried to do it the first thing she asked was "is it me?" and I immediately told her no and told her what the issue really was. She said "this isn't supposed to happen U r supposed to be the one". Till this day she knows its understandable why I couldn't perform but she still can't get past her feeling smh.