Is my wife cheating?
I have been married to a wonderful woman for 8 years now. We have a 7 year old daughter. She was married before and has a 16 year old son. She left this guy 5 years before we met and said she was scared of him and supposedly has no contact with him.
This past Sunday I find out he has worked in the same department but different location as her for 3 years. She says she didn't know he worked there but I know that's a lie. The only other lady that works beside my wife is friends with him on fb. I packed and walked out. Hardest thing I have ever done. Does It Sound Like She's CHEATING OR Am I IMAGINING things ? Thanks for any advice
There must be more to the story. What else has happened? How did you get this information about her co-worker and details of his job? Do you know for a fact that her co-worker know he's her ex-husband?
Sounds like you're leaving something out- so more details please.
I just feel that if she didn't have anything to hide she would have told me about him working there 3 years ago.I also be level her coworker has him on her Facebook so my wife can keep up with him. I just don't like being lied to. Life's too short
Yeah I can see point of view what the odds of her ex in contact with her co-worker -too many consequences.
Unless you got a WHOLE LOT more on this - you are throwing out your baby with the bathwater.
Tell me, were you looking for an excuse to "pack you bags and leave"?
No, I did not want to leave and I love my daughter more than anything. She will be with alot. I can't be a weekend dad.We are always together, always will be. As far as my wife goes, I think she loves me and we really don't even arguess much. I just believe that since she didn't tell me her ex works for the same company for the past three years, that there is something she has to hide.
To be honest here, I cheated on my ex and just about all the women I've known, but in 8 years I've never cheated on my wife... never !! This is the last thing I wanted. I just wish she would be honest.
Apparently, you feel some kind of betrayal that she didn't tell you something.
She has no control about that "something." He's there, and not much she can do about it.
WHY should she have told you? So you could freak out, like you did?
No wonder she kept quiet.
The issue is - WHY are you so upset? Is this a threat to your marriage?
(And so what, that her friend is a FB friend of his? What does that have to do with your marriage?
Sorry - I'm not getting it: Instead of holding her even more dear to you (because YOU are so insecure about this) - you push her away!
Yeah I don't see enough info here to say she is cheating on you at all. And certainly not enough to pack your bags and leave? How many people work for this company? Could it be possible they really never came in contact? I mean if they share a kid they have to have some contact for that? Also he could have added her co worker and the coworker might not have known he was her ex until
After the fact. And really what does it matter if she was friends with him on Facebook? Your wife's not. And even if her conworkers showed her his page and she looked so what? You wouldn't at least be like what are they up to now and be a little curious if it was someone you use to be involved. That wouldn't mean she wanted him or wanted to sleep with him. If she has never given You a reason not to trust her, if there has been no shady behavior, I would trust her. And she porbably didn't tell you he worked there so you wouldn't freak out and worry. I can imagine it would be unnerving to find it out. My husband has an ex wife, I would be mad I found out not through him, but that wouldn't make me jump to the conclusion he was having an affair. And if they aren't working in direct contact daily, it really wouldn't make a difference. So unless there is more to this story, then no I don't think your wife is cheating, specially since she said she was scared of him. If anything maybe you should ask if she is still scared of him and how is she handling working with him, is she ok? Not abandon her.
Change my mind agree with others- this was not enough to leave your family- and no don't believe your wife cheated.
You never explained how you found out, do you and the co-worker communicate on FB? or did you read your wife FB?
Is there a chance you can reconcile with your wife?
Skinnygirl, you can't change your mind now. Ok, I used to work where this guy works now. I moved on to a better job. I still know people who work there and this guy mentioned his ex wife works at a certain location. My friend heard this and immediately contacted me. I love my wife and my daughter but I can't stand being lied to. I told her 8 years ago I can't stand a liar or a cheater. We've got along great and I feel I'm a good husband and a great father. My daughter will always come before any woman.
I thank you all for the great advice. It's nice having strangers listen and comment. I don't know if we can work this out or not. Right now, honestly I'm just thinking about getting on my bike and going downtown and make everything even. I haven't ever cheated but I like to keep things even so I think we will be even in the morning. I work 50 hours a week or more and I am a good provider but I can't be with a woman I can't trust. Thank you all again for your advice and comments.skinnygirl, you can change your mind all you want. I will listen to your advice.
i think u may have overreacted. All in all, u jumped the gun buddy.
Thanks QUIET. I agree I may have jumped the gun and I am doing alot of thinking about it. She still says she didn't do anything so I guess it's up to me. I just don't know if I can get over this but I appreciate your comment and all the others.
Don't jump to conclusions, we can really fuck up things by assuming the worst. Take ya ass back home and work it out brother lol.
I thought you said you had cheated on your Ex and others-did you mean you haven't cheated on your wife?
I changed my mind about concluding if she had cheated based on what you said transpired.Do I think she knew that her ex worked at the other plant- Yes. Do I think she could have communicate using her co-workers FB- Yes, but it does not mean she's cheating. Did her ex say anything else that would indicate that something between them was going on? Was his only comment that his ex worked at the other location?
Remember you said you cheated on your ex and just about every woman you've known, your insecurities and dis-trust of woman is the reason your'e not giving your wife benefit of the doubt. Are you punishing her based on your past life as a Cheater? (Not Fair).
Nobody likes being lied to or cheated on- no reason to get even by cheating (again)-
All the advice you've gotten is to give your marriage another chance.
Consider family counseling.
Dear Mr Cheated On My Ex & Just About Every Woman I've Known / MAY Have Jumped The Gun / Not Quite Convinced Yet & Don't Know If I can Get Over 'This',
1. I expect she IS scared of him, yes...when completely alone within arm's reach (say, in a house or down a dark, isolated alley) that is.
2. Same department, different location? What, you mean like, Marketing, Croydon branch as opposed to Marketing, Hemel Hempstead branch - *that* sort of "same department"?
As a director or CEO, you don't separate one half of a department miles away from its other working half, thereby needlessly hampering its efficacy and dumbing down your profit margin through removing ease of face-to-face communication. When they ARE geographically separated, it's because their business pertains exclusively to each separate branch, meaning, don't NEED to communicate, not at daily, grass roots level and, by the same token, even overhearing cross-purposes communication going on all around counts as a potential, significant distraction. They're called separate branches and each one operates on a day-to-day level as if separate businesses, despite both answerable ultimately to HQ.
Gosh, you used to work for that company, one would think you'd know this already (hmmmm, curiouser and curiouser, said Alice).
3. ...which explains PERFECTLY why the friend of yours that found out her ex-husband has for the last 3 years been working in what sounds like his very own branch, would have gone and reacted to it in a way that proves it were [wait for it...] COMPLETELY FRESH-OFF-THE-PRESS NEWS, JUST IN, TO *HIM*!
(That's 'how many people' work for that company, LF, despite the OP conveniently missed that question.)
Oh, gosh, what - and *he* didn't know for all that time, either? He must have beforehand been LYING then. Or is it - he DID know but never dared tell you before now, for fear you'd conclude he had to have for all this time been messing around with said ex-husband behind your back yet, on 'this' day of all days, decided he couldn't take the guilt any longer and had to finally come clean? (Pff!)
It also explains why you, without thinking, reacted towards SK with *disappointment and annoyance* that she'd un-hung the at-that-point hung jury, rather than relieved, overjoyed AND GRATEFUL.
Want me to continue blowing the rest of your Mickey Mouse accusations and aspersions towards your wife clean out of the water or will that do already?
If after an 8 year (pff) 'marathon' of fidelity you feel like contriving and engineering a nice little breather in which to have s*x with one or more woman, e.g., dating website desperadoes, then - just do it; nobody can stop you if you really want to (least of all you, apparently). Just don't go Demonizing your wife and traumatising your daughter in the process in order to try to attain for yourself some Get Out Of Jail (When It Happens) Free card. Nobody *without* intent to have their cake and eat it, whom, lacking any workable evidence and loving their wife even as equally as their daughter, only SUSPECTS or (in your alleged and evidence-deficient case) just THINKS his wife could be cheating (or, if not, MIGHT POSSIBLY have lied but equally - ref the above illustration - might not have) would find that enough to tip their scales from not acting on it to ACTUALLY WALKING OUT ON THEIR ENTIRE LIFE, FAMILY AND 'CONTENTS' AND REFUSING TO RETURN (yet!) DESPITE CONSISTENTLY MAINTAINED PLEAS OF INNOCENCE, PLEAS WHICH CLEARLY AREN'T 'WORKING' ERGO WERE SHE GUILTY SHOULD BE DROPPED IN FAVOUR OF CONFESSING BECAUSE ONLY THAT WOULD MAKE YOU RETURN. Not unless they've got years-long pent-up anger in them as leaves them like some loaded gun on-legs with a very hair trigger just waiting to discharge *OR* has finally had an argument but doesn't want to make the necessary changes that would avoid seeing a repetition (and news for you - never arguing is NOT HEALTHY!)....and seeks free license to play away.
And if it's because you yourself were cheated (back) on by your last wife or lover then - get counselling so you can cease ruining your own hard-earned happiness and taking your innocent wife and kid down with you, would be my advice. But then, I'm realistic, experienced, knowledgeable, wise, open-minded, pragmatic, grounded and IMPOSSIBLE TO FOOL.
WHEN you've got items that come even halfway close to being evidence as justifies what right now looks like a purely contrived excuse campaign in-the-making then, give us a knock. In the meantime, I suggest you - if only for the sake of that daughter of yours - get real, grow up and stop trying your luck with what half of you HOPES will be public, WITH pre-vindication sanctioning towards going ahead and sh*gging someone(s) else under cover of a 'great excuse' whilst situated deliberately outside of your wife's radar (gosh, what a convenient side bonus, ooh, you didn't think of that, did you).
Now prove yourself innocent despite I've already hung, drawn and quartered you in a public square in front of thousands - go on. See how *you* like it.
PS: "My daughter will always come before any woman."
Well, that'll be a large part of your problem, then. (And, listen, we as a society don't need yet another overly narcissistic Millenial who thinks herself so special she even outranks your very (supposedly) for-life wife come very mother that bore her, thanks all the same.)
PPS: "Right now, honestly I'm just thinking about getting on my bike and going downtown and make everything even. I haven't ever cheated [on this one] but I like to keep things even so I think we will be even in the morning."
So is it The Morning After yet? Tell me, just how long did it *take* you to arrange and position this mistress-in-waiting of yours, hmm?
Soulmate, ur comments are awesome, not only because i agree with them, but because u break it down for people.
I'm mentally hyperactive so the pleasure is all mine.
Only joshing (yeah, right) - cheers! :-)
Doubt the OP is quite so happy with it, though. Not at this early point. Still, it's not a popularity contest (thank eff, LOL) and - reply or forevermore tumbleweed - it all still goes in (as the actress said...).
Blacklifeonline I loved your reply. Pretty straightforward there buddy. Skinnygirl, susiedqq and quiet thanks for the advice. Yes I thought about turning to an old friend to get even but I didnt. I still havent cheated on her and she swears she hasn't cheated on my so after the advice I got here and alot of thought, I decided to give it another try. I went back home the other day so we will see how this goes. Thank you all again.
She didn't tell you the truth because she was afraid of your reaction. I think you had to talk to her. It is my first advice. My second suggestion is some kind of affair. But it may help you to clear up a situation. My best friend was using this http://www.phonespyapps.com/call-recording
to evince the truth. Unfortunately, her husband was cheating on her, but at any rate, she had known about it.
An old friend? To get even? You mean AN EX.
'Turn to'? To get even? You mean SH*G.
Still haven't [cheated on her]? Not 'wouldn't ever'?
This is the thing with old flames: If you've befittingly snuffed them out at the time or let the flame die out naturally via sustained, total absentia - or certainly once you marry, like any decent person ought - rather than kept them lit even slightly, they tend to be NO OPTION WHATSOEVER NO WAY NO HOW come whatever far-flung-future time you feel the need to 'turn to them'. Because they to you and you to they are "an ex parrot.....no more.......deceased". So you turn up, presumably unannounced, on their phone line or at their front door, whichever, to hear anything between, [a] 'WTF are *you* doing, contacting me after I haven't seen you for yonks, making out that 'how I am' is suddenly so important to you! I know your game, sling your hook!' or [b] 'I'm terribly sorry you've had a wasted journey/wasted effort, but I have absolutely no room for you in my life any more, I'm with someone new now and have been for ages', before they close the door or put the phone down on you.
As a married man, you shouldn't know ANY woman who'd still so readily peel back the duvet cover for you after eight-plus long years of supposedly zero further contact since you and she broke up and should have gone your separate ways.
Interesting. I wonder how your wife's always felt about your "old friend" hanging around or forever still looming just over the horizon. Or is this 'old friend' yet another falsification and really it's some woman you've been priming over the net?
Let's just cut the PR crap, shall we? I said prove yourself innocent; you haven't...you've just fortified the 'case for prosecution' *despite* your last, oh-so-careful semantics. It's like I said. You thought you had a golden opportunity to contrive out of woefully little, in order to get to sleep around with plausible-sounding or compassion-pricking justification to present to your wife in the event of your getting found out ("But I only did it because I thought *you* were cheating, I was CONVINCED!"), but have concerted to appear as if you've turned your coat back the right way BECAUSE OF THE ADVICE.
Yeah, you're clever (and manipulative), alright. But I'm cleverer. I'm also intellectually free of the constraint called social pandering, unlike you. Furthermore, your wife swore she hadn't cheated - MULTIPLE TIMES - until Blue in the face, from what I can gather - *well before* you hit this forum! What would you try to make everyone here believe? That complete stranger X and stranger Y and stranger Z telling you she's innocent held more sway in your mind than her own, protracted denials of innocence under the light of nothing but her failing to be aware or having failed to mention her ex worked for the same, vast corporation?
I rest my case. You came here for license to cheat with zero or minimal consequence but thought you could convince everyone that you, somehow, were the victim.
Now make yourself scarce. This is not some personal, crime-pre-sanctioning venue of yours, thank-you very much. It's for decent people with good working morals, accordingly good intentions and a hard-work ethic, seeking to make whatever problems BETTER, not worse.
As for 'trying' and 'I've decided': What *you* need to try, sunshine, is one-on-one counselling to find out why you have such commitment and over-entitlement issues. (That or how you missed your vocation in political spin-doctoring.) And you've 'decided' nothing. You've simply realised from the unanimous-ness of morally correct feedback that your attempt fell flat, but, ridiculously, didn't want to leave people thinking badly of you thanks to me. Well, you won't be the first to try that trick and neither will you be the last. But if I see you ever again try to use what, when they come on here, are 'my crew' in that shoddy fashion, I'll freeze this thread. I wouldn't want to actually delete it, mind, because it'll serve as a prime example of how big-hearted people in the role of forum advisers can too easily fall prey to those wishing to take underhanded advantage of their kind, helpful, ever-hopeful natures so as to secretly get encouragement to act immorally and later be able to part-pin the blame on THEM AND THIS FORUM.
Not on my watch, you don't.
Over and out.
Soulmate, I believe you are a very lonely old man most likely who has no interaction with the real world other than your computer and most likely never held a position of authority so the little power you have as moderator has went straight to your head. I wanted some advice from someone not familiar with myself or my wife and I found some very helpful advice here and I'm thankful for that advice.
However, I think you should get off the computer and get out into the real world and find you a hobby other than trying to control someone from your dark lonely room in your empty house. You can "freeze" this thread if you wish, I will not be back on this site and I'm sure you will delete this reply but that is your option and I will block you from my email so I will no longer receive your worthless trash in my inbox. To everyone who replied with actual advice, thank you all.
Do ya? Or, wait, no, ooh-ooh! - what about this one: I could secretly be a SERIAL KILLER ("dan-dan-daaaan!"). That would probably serve you even *more* in your bid to make yourself look less guilty, eh.
But, anyway. What can I say to all of that? ...Is it *my* fault I'm stuck in this wheelchair???
(Well, you started it.)
Listen, Sonny Jim. Highly entertaining though you suddenly are, I've met your kind more times than you've had hot dinners, plus that bat-back of yours was classic textbook (e.g. last time I was 'sat alone at my computer in my trackie bottoms').
Next time, Matthew, I'd like to be a 6ft blonde with massive b**bs, a pert little bottom, legs up to my armpits, sat 'alone at my computer' in my Gold Lame bikini. Oh, and a tan would be good. With the window open and the lights on at least, if you please.