My BF's fear of judgement is making me crazy!
I need some advice about my boyfriend. The problem I am having is he is completely terrified of judgment to the point he is not willing to listen to my fears, concerns or comments. Everything I say is interpreted wrong, or at least that is what it feels like!
I know I can be somewhat of a angry person myself, but I am trying very hard to be calm for him and it has gotten to a point where I feel like I am changing for the better and he is not. I am seeing his flaws more and I feel like I can't stop rolling my eyes when he goes into a 30 minute tangent about how his life is so hard. He asks me not to judge him and won't let me ask questions about his life without freaking out every time. I feel like he is forcing me to "judge him" because I end up being so annoyed by his comments after I bring something up!
The worst part is he says he is sick of fighting and blames me for judging him. I ask to stop but he makes more comments I find hard to ignore and at some point he says I am the one who will not stop and he is a victim or something. We tend to fight for as long as 2 hours and it always feels like the same fight. I find this unbelievable because I felt so strongly about him for over a year now. The problem is just getting worse, or perhaps I had love blinders on?
He had a rough childhood that I personally believe made him this way. In the beginning our relationship was great and I felt so happy. Over time I started realizing he was so full of this fear that we are in some kind of stand still never moving forward. We are doing a long distance thing but I don't know if that matters. It did not matter in the beginning if it does now. It is also worth mentioning I am almost 10 years older than he is.
Do I love him? I have thought so for a while. Lately I ponder this more and more. This is slowly killing my feelings for him. Is my situation hopeless? It feels like it is.
He does not seem happy.
Since you are not a therapist and he sees everything you say as criticism, how about making sure he sees a Professional Counselor?
Sadly, he can't afford it anymore. I would help but I can't afford it either. He had a therapist at some point and he did seem better then.