Question for the ladies
Ladies if you were married and your man paid all of the bills, was faithful, and spoiled you, would you screw him on the regular? The reason I ask this is that there seems to be an epidemic going on. My married buddies seem to be in the same household if you listened to there convos. There are some good men out there that are getting short changed by the same women who say men aint sht. Two of my friends are signing divorce papers as we speak, and I'm on my second marriage trying to hold it together. So ladies, how do you are would u treat a Real MAN.
u sound as though it is an obligation. are u sure u or ur buddies got married for the right reasons. permanent pudussy is not a good reason. screwing is for teenagers and 20 year olds. a real man would understand this.
It's not about screwing only, I mean any type of affection as I should have stated. Kissing, hugging, holding hands. Hell I got more of that before I said I do. As for me, I need it on the regular as I stated before I got married.
Work ethic and providing for a family is important. But not the only thing a man needs to do in a family. He needs to be a father and an emotional partner and support system to his wife. Yes we are human and have sexual needs and need to realize this need in our partners. But putting money in the bank ain't the only thing a husband needs to do. Do you listen to your wife? If she has small children climbing on her all day needing to be held and loved and basically need her every waking minute of their tiny lives could you imagine her possibly wanting just to be alone and not touched? Not to have someone need something from her? It's a very common thing moms go through. If you want the pussy back, so to speak, take the kids, help get the dishes done etc. so that work gets done faster and she has some time to herself. Listen to her talk and at least act like you really care about her emotions. I promise you if you do this when night time rolls around your getting lucky numbers will go up. The more you do for them to lower their stress levels, make them feel supported and cared for by you, the more they will want to care for you in other ways
I'll just say my husband and I are coming out the other end of this and this is what worked for us. It's also hard if you haven't been having sex frequently, as a woman, to get back into it? Feel comfortable again in your own body, specially if you've had kids. That's my two sense anyways.
As for me, I've done all that. I work 3 jobs and pay all bills. I raise my two step kids like their my own. I cook, clean, and treat my wife like a queen. In return, I get nothing. She works part time and spends money on herself. I'm the breadwinner and the butler. I pray and go to church by myself. I'm not perfect, but I deserve more than this. Marriage can feel like punishment sometimes. She changed as soon as I said I do.
Hmmm. My husband told me the lack of affection was affecting him Emotionally. Like the fact I didn't hug him, kiss him, snuggle, and so on made him feel like I didn't love him, made him feel like he wasn't attractive. That made me realize he needed that to feel loved, just like I needed the talking and emotional connection to feel loved. I think as women we just think men want one thing and don't really get emotional or their feelings hurt and that's so not true. My husband works 50 hours a week, I'm a stay at home mom with a 3 and 5 year old. I do most everything, cooking cleaning yard work etc. if he chipped in and even did dishes once a week and out some laundry away I would flip. Maybe she is taking advantage of you. I would suggest sitting down, and in a non confrontational way telling her how you feel. Once my husband talked to me about the emotional side of it, I did t want him feeling like that and really upped my effort level to make him feel loved etc. not saying I'm perfect and it happens all the time, but I am way more likely after he gets home from work to cuddle on the couch or give him a back rub
I think she is taking advantage of me. I've talked to her about it. Your husband was right. It's not just about the sex, we NEED a affection from our women.
I'm in the same boat with my wife. I've always worked hard, I've always provided for the family. I haven't always treated her right, and in trying to get my needs met, I've ended up manipulating her in ways that neither lifted her up nor met my needs. After 14 years, I've learned to praise, encourage, and accommodate. But the damage has been done. There is no way for me to express how I feel, how I am hurting, or how lonely I feel without her getting all defensive. The funny thing is that in the rough part of our past, when it was my wrongdoings, she would always criticize me for getting defensive, and demand that I fix what is wrong. Now that the roles are reversed, I start an argument or I shut up. I get that she isn't confident in her body, I get that her energy is down, but it really doesn't take that much to make a guy feel good about himself. A comment here and there, a little touch, a peck on the cheek. There are a 100 different things a gal can do to let her guy know that he matters to her. The lack of any of those screams that he doesn't. After all, we are told the lack of those little kindnesses (flowers for example) means that she isn't on our minds, right. So what does the lack of any kind of praise or affection mean to us?
Brother they don't understand how simple we r? A hug would do me just fine most days. The lack of affection to me means that she does not want to touch me. I haven't done anything to mines and I'm tired of it. I don't cheat, and I won't. However, I might have to end it because there is no way I can go on with no affection. People are Always saying what the man should do or what our role is. I'm tired of it, I need some lovin, hugging, kissing. And I'm not going to punish myself. These women have issues, sometimes it has nothing to do with us. I've never denied my wife pleasure. If I was to tired to stick it, I lick it. No excuse for the bullshit. When u marry, u do not deny your spouse pleasure.
I will say that my wife doesn't ever deny, but when you believe that she isn't enjoying it, you sure aren't going to ask for it. And since she only initiates about once a month, that's about all we have. I kiss her good night every single night. Has there been a single night in 14 years that she has ever initiated that? Not once. It is such a simple thing, and I've shared how much I need that. Does she respond to that in any way? Nope. She's "dealing" with stuff, she's "got a lot on her mind", she's "tired". I get all that. I work 2 jobs, full time on both, sometimes 80-90 hours a week. The problem isn't energy. On the days that she is driving me nuts, I still find a way to compliment her because I know that's what she needs. She even says "I know you want more"... Yes, I do. And you know how much it bothers me that you know it and still won't give it. So you are intentionally withholding. Why? Is this my punishment? If so, I did deserve that, but for how long? Tell me when I can expect my punishment to end. 1 year, 5 years, 10 years? But if it is until the end of time, I need to know that too...
I understand, very frustrating. It's messed vup when they know what u need and won't give. When we are married, we are obligated to provide comfort to our spouse. She might not tell u, I believe in going off of how I feel. Ok, say she never initiates, or acts like she enjoys. Can u deal wit that and stay faithful?
Obviously you all have been dealing with the wrong kind of women for you. Some women are very affectionate like myself and some are not. However, marriage is not an obligation, game,or some drawn up contract. It's becoming part of a team, becoming partners. It's not about being g treated like royalty, it's about love, commitment, communication, understanding, and so much more. Every person deserves love and affection and I do believe affection and intimacy is very vital to any marriage. With that being said, you should feel like you're getting 100% from your partner if you are giving your 100% and if you don't, well then you do need to reevaluate everything. I learned the hard way there is no point to fight if you're the only one getting into the ring. If counseling is an option try it, make sure you've exhausted all options, not only as a fairness to her but to you. Good luck with everything!
Always, thank you for your comment. I have tried everything and I'm sooooo tired. All I have is a roommate. I think we are going to separate. I hate to do it, and I want my marriage to work but she is giving nuthing.
Black, have u sat her down and talked to her about this. If not, u need to do so, better yet write her a letter. that way u can state exactly how you feel and she can continue to re read it until she gets it. now if u do write a letter, do not b vulgar. tell ur true feelings. honestly, she may b going thru something that u r not aware of, or she doesnt really know ur true feelings. personally, i am having a negative feeling about the fact that u are contemplating cheating. I know that u stated that u would not, but u then state that comments about how can u remain faithful. im confused. anyway, trying taking the time to write a meaningful letter to show her how u feel, and u may want to give it to her or leave it for her while u are out of the house so that she can take the time to think about it.
Quiet, I think I will write the letter. When I get home from work I will type all of the detail concern ing my marriage. As far as cheating, I will not. I was just saying how long can a man stay in a marriage when he can't get any affection, but I'll post more later.