Should I stay or should I go?
Hi there, this is going to be a bit long winded so bare with me...
I've been with my boyfriend 3 years. We have arguments sometimes just like many other couples. I'm not sure if I'm wasting my time with him. He doesn't seem to want to move our relationship forward.
We both live seperately with our parents, he has no intention of moving with me, he says he doesn't think I'm ready. He's not keen on marriage, doesn't want children for 'years' whatever that means. I'm 25 this year and want a relationship with a future. I suffer with depression so I'm not sure if it's just me.
I go to his house probably averaging twice a week. We sit with his parents watching TV then go to bed. Then he gets up to go to work and I leave. This isn't right after 3 years together surely?
Recently he said he was going abroad with his mate for his birthday, he knows I booked time off to be with him. When I said I rather he didn't he starting saying I don't want him to do anything. Also he is going to a concert on the weekend and heading into town after. He asked me if I'd like to meet up on town. I booked the time off work and cancelled a few things. He then said I could no longer go as there wasn't enough room for me in the hotel. What is going on?
I've asked him if he wants to be with me and he says yes but I just can't see it. He seems to want the single life but is holding on to me. What should I do?
Your BF's actions are telling you that he doesn't have a need to be with you, rather he just wants you when it's handy for him. You fit where he has made the space for you to fit but his main priorities are elsewhere at the moment. You on the other hand, need more than this regulated space and you have stated in your post as to what and why you need it.
For you to succeed at achieving your goals, you need a guy who is on your page and who shares these goals with you and who respects you enough at the age of 25 to be able to make important decisions for yourself. You can't change your BF's attitude towards you; he either needs you or he doesn't. You don't need to hang around while he makes his mind up if you're ready to move in together or not. It's basically called having the need to be with someone you love and sharing everything together 24/7/365. In other words, making a commitment together.
After 3 years, if your BF doesn't need to move your relationship forward with you for whatever reasons, then you need to find that someone who will walk beside you and support you, in everything, rather than keep you waiting and wondering.
After few years of relationship, the real test of love starts. And when the romance starts fading, it is more of a choice whether you want to stay together than real feelings. Anyways, it is very clear that your boyfriend is kind of bored (sorry for the word) with the relationship and he doesn't see future in it. It's true that he is not able to accept it as well mostly because he can't face you with truth. Also it is a typical escalation of commitment psychology. It's the time you become firm and push him away from your life.
Alternatively, you can hold out for your 'perfect' match, in which case, the romance won't *ever* fade.