Do I marry the imperfect one I love or go for blind / arranged marriage
So, first of all- I hate marriage and am totally against it since it has failed for so many people that I know. I find it hard to ever really fall in love either. Marriage has been an ugly experience for my mom and a lot of other people I know.
But since I'm in India, they stick to remaining married and never divorcing either - making things worse and traumatising for me... with all kinds of fights and stuff
So, here is my dilemma:
I'm being forced to get married.
And I would say no, but I don't have the right to do so here. And I'm very religious. So, for the sake of religion I COULD get married... but, mostly I don't want to (they will force me into it anyway and there is ABSOLUTELY no way out)
Because I know that where I live and with the experience I've had, I'll only meet cold hearted male jerks who literally whip their women if they make mistakes or make them their slaves. (And I don't have money for travelling or marrying someone else either)
I might not marry to such an extreme jerk, but still get married to a jerk who wont give me the right to have a job and will solely push me to the kitchen (marriages in my place aren't based on love but on the level of how far the woman is docile enough and subjugate-able : The more slave-like she is, the more her character is described as 'good' and 'beautiful')
So, my initial plan was to say yes, get married to stop people from forcing me and then, divorce the guy later..
(Please save the "oh, but what if you meet a great man" and all that ****... I'm the one living my own life here and I know what I'm going through or will most likely end up with, trust me.)
This was four years ago- things had changed in between (I'll explain why below). But, now, I'm back to square one which I have described above.
So, what had happened 4 years ago? And what gave me a good break in between?
Four years ago, out of nowhere- I fell in love... Yes, I actually did
The initial few months were great
Trying to get to know him and finding out that he is the man of my dreams
Very sweet, kind and caring... too soft and nice to me... He worships women like they're the Queens of the world
And then, few months later, this happened--
He shows me his "it is not graceful for a woman to do this or ...that" side...
and when he is away, he NEVER TEXTS OR CALLS me or anyone in the family or friends except his mom, maybe... He doesn't give a damn to it...
When I get angry about it
He kneels down and fills me with sorrys and all the love in the world
I forget my anger and fall in love with him all over again...
But, I've noticed a pattern now..
This is all that ever happens anymore.
Fake sorrys and promises
I'm starting to think he is a good gentleman
But also the greatest narcissistic ever!!!
He supports me and my dreams- which is more than I could ever ask for.
But, I hate this side of him that can't keep promises...
Just when I thought that men in my area aren't so bad or that the only potential marriageable man for me isn't so bad.
Here comes this side of him where he seems like a jerk to me.
(And no, talks with him haven't worked either.. He WON'T change though he claims he tries.. So, phooey!)
People aren't waiting for me to take my time to marry
They're forcing me to marry someone right now
I know for SURE that arranged marriage will only bring another jerk to me- or at least that it could never give me someone I will fall in love with, with magic. I will have to forcefully fall in love with whoever I get or divorce him (trust me, people who opt for arranged marriage aren't GREAT people, especially when it comes to the men in my place, including my dad)
Or I marry the man I'm in love with even though he has his hurting 'jerk' side or imperfections...
If I were to do this, I would never have the heart to divorce the man I love because I love him and I only want to see him smile even when I'm angry...
So, maybe I will be happy with this?
So, what do you guys think? And what should I do? :)
If I marry blindly with arranged marriage, it will be easier for me to divorce, walk away and live my own life freely... and gain my freedom!!! ^_^ which I've NEVER EVER had
I don't have the guts to run away or suicide though
Even though I tried and made attempts to do so. But, I might have the guts to divorce? I dunno...
So, I'm stuck with marrying some one- either arranged or the partial-jerk/ imperfect guy I love
So, which one do you think I should choose?
And should I divorce? For freedom?
No matter what I choose I will be in chains. But at least the love marriage won't have thorns?
I don't know what to do and I am utterly confused...
I've tried every thing- psychotherapy, talks with family and all kinds of solutions anyone can ever think of, ever! I tried EVERYTHING!!! Nothing helped
And so, it finally comes down to this.
Who do I marry?
And will I ever be happy in my life, ever?
It has been a load of crap and hardship from the very start for me... I'm shocked I'm even still alive
So, please let me know what I should do
And please give me a solution
So that I can clear my mind of all the dump and be more happy in life
Or I will just kill myself if you think that's better... thank you! And have a nice day...
Please close and delete this unresolved thread since no one is replying.
I might even kill myself soon. But who cares right?
Doesn't matter.. I'm not coming back here anymore. Please delete this thread.
I think the reason no-one replied, following the initial delay (sincerely sorry about that), is because your add-on post presented on the main thread list as a thread that had already attracted a reply from someone other than yourself, not because no-one cares. And also because it's the May Bank Holiday here in UK, during which a lot of people go away for the weekend.
Do you still want suggestions and advice?
I am familiar to arranged marriages as my in laws are mostly in arranged marriages.
It really depends on your family. I mean, you have to ask yourself if this guy you have fallen in love with would be someone you would marry anyway or if you are just trying to get out of a potential bad arranged relationship.
You strike me as someone who wants to have her freedom so bad, and who does not want to settle, but I understand that it is customary to bind yourself young.
Consider how much you care about what your family thinks about you, because I have news for you: if you get a divorce young they might still try to get you remarried. My husband´s brother has married three times now.
So, your pick. Stick to your guns. Decide whether this guy you are with it´s marriage material. And even if you get an arranged marriage, don´t settle for a goof. You sound like a cool chick.