Moved 1500 miles to be with him
I moved in with my boyfriend almost a year ago, 1500 miles away from home. He is 13 years older than me. All we do know is sit at home and drink. When its good its good but when its bad its bad. I love him with my whole heart but we don't always treat each other kindly anymore. We have talked about me moving back to my home state (where we met) but he always convinces me to stay. But I feel like we are growing to resent each other.
On top of it all I haven't made a single friend sense I moved here so I have no one to talk to about all of this. My family has almost disowned me and my best friend back home is always to busy to talk.
Anyone have some advice on this topic or just want to talk. I would greatly appreciate it.
Ask yourself why your family have nearly disowned you and ask yourself what future you have sitting around drinking with a BF, 13 years your senior, whom you are beginning to resent. You need to be true to yourself in this situation and weigh up the good and the bad and assess your happiness and security. It's all OK to be with someone, but that someone has to 'do it' for you regardless of age and the circumstances and if you feel that it isn't a good situation to be in, then you need to listen to your instinct which is telling you now that all's not well within your relationship.
You're looking back over your shoulder towards home, where you had some familiarity and some security and you had a 'best' friend, from a present situation where doubt is creeping in and your BF is failing to, in some ways, make you feel 'safe' and needed. He's failing you by refusing to acknowledge your need to move back to your home state and some of that resentment that you feel is firmly concreted into this issue. He doesn't want you to return but it's at your own happiness's expense.
You need to acknowledge why you need to go home and then just go home and when you get there, have a good look at your 'best' friend because true friends are never too busy to talk.
Thanks for you response MANALONE.
My family is very conservative and I grew up in the church. When I decided to move they didn't agree with my decision because now I am living out of wedlock. I wish it were easier to be true to myself in this situation. My gut tells me one thing but my heart tells me another. I am so so so tired of drinking every single night and have tried to stop but honestly I cant stand being sober while he is drinking. And when we both aren't drinking we hardly talk. I guess you are right. As I am typing this out I am realizing that you are right. I need to listen to my instincts.
I never pictured my life this way.
I honestly believe that I am afraid to leave because I don't really want to go "home." I am broke and would have to move in with my parents or with my brother and his wife. If I could afford it I would move out tonight. I am wondering if I need to somehow plan an exit strategy. I would him about it. But I guess I need to save up some money to support myself.
If I had the balls I would stop making excuses and just get on with it. I love him. This will be so hard. But I think eventually we would both be better if we moved on.
Yep you're correct, and I'm sorry, but when you love someone and things start to go pear shaped, then it's your gut that you listen to because if you listen to your heart, it will only lead you to further trouble down the track. It takes a strong person to recognize and acknowledge the signals of a failing relationship, but if you have the balls to walk away with your head held high, knowing it's for the better, then you won't be wasting the person you are.
Dear STRAWBERRYBLONDI, first of all, you should understand WHAT YOU WANT: where do you want to live (without regard to your boyfriend), are you ready to have a rough time (as your boyfriend is unlikely to change for the better), are you able to pay way without him, do you need (or want) your family to help you with money or moral support. Answer these questions honestly and you will see the way out.
SB, who funded the cost of your move over? If he's any kind of gentleman, he'll help you cover the cost of finding your own place to live (deposit and first month's rent), *especially* if the answer to my question is, I did.
Saying that, I note you do say, When it's good it's good. So, really, the question in regards to whether or not to keep the relationship itself but live separately, i.e. rewind the tape and do it over (so that he'll have to start properly lifting a finger again, this time for *longer* so that it develops into a hard habit) is this: What, overall, is the percentage of good versus bad?