Married for 13 years but never been so lonely
I've been married for 13 years but my husband never seems to want to be around me. If he's not working he's going out with the boys. It's like we're living like flatmates, we haven't been intimate for over two years now. I have arthritis and although I've had two knees replaced at a young age I feel fighting fit and even managed to go back to work. I never get any compliments from him and I just think that he's lost all interest. He's always the first to do anything for anybody but he neglects me and his daughter. I'm just at a crossroads just now trying to figure things out.
I would sit him down and discuss how you're feeling. It isn't fair that you are feeling this way.
Suggest a date night. Reconnect doing the things you used to enjoy together.
If that doesn't work and he is still distant, maybe counselling might be needed.
If he isn't willing to do any of the above then you'll have your answer on the future of your marriage unfortunately.
You deserve happiness.
Thanks for the reply but I've tried talking to him about stuff and he just shuts down even when I shout and get frustrated he still won't react and I know it will break my daughters heart if we split as she sees him as her hero, she's only ten.
Isn't is frustrating when people don't LISTEN?!!
Go out and buy yourself a new outfit and get your hair done - change the color, too! Get a make-over at the local department store.
See if he even notices.
(PS YOU say you feel physically fit, but what about him? Maybe he's pushed you way because he doesn't feel well. When was the last time he had a physical?)
Been there done that still no reaction from him. I just wish I had the willpower to just say to him " don't you find me attractive anymore" or at least address that there is a problem in our marriage.
Well, if you continue prevaricating, trust me - the willpower will eventually find *you*. Probably quite overly loudly and dramatically by that point. Also, it doesn't really sound like you even HAVE a marriage to me.
Look, you have a choice. Her hero or not, a little girl still needs a solid marital-unit role-model to emulate in later life... which she's not getting. Plus, being chronically unhappy with the main portion of your lifestyle is not good for your parenting capability, for how it leaves you lacklustre and snappy. This situation can't be doing her any good, ultimately, not unless you can backburn like a pro and bide your time until you can - like a lot of parents - see that the coast is clear to divorce (like they somehow believe it's any less painful). Why just sit on it, though, letting it fester and grow, when there is such a thing as a letter?
Dear Houston, why are you such a tw*t? No, wait, wrong letter! (tempting, though). Dear Houston, I'm having trouble understanding why you persevere with this marriage when x, y, z....... If you fail to agree on a course of marital counselling together then I will take that as your indisputable way of communicating to me that you indeed do NOT wish to remain married to me, and take the necessary steps to separate for good.
Also, bear in mind (ref 2 long years): if he's not having sexual relations with you, then that begs the question, who IS he having them with?
Anyway, how can you say he's her hero when he neglects her? Isn't that just another way of saying, he constantly has her back to her as she spends her time trying to run around in front of him, doing tricks, like a desperate little puppy ever hopeful of receiving a pat on the head or a choccie drop? That's not what *I* call a hero. Is it, you? It's more what I consider trying to gain attention and approval using flattery. Great. So she's ALREADY being conditioned to think that if you want any attention from your numero uno, you should expect to have to work really especially hard, including chasing after HIM for it while he just sits there there whole time, doing eff-all and lapping it up.
Short-term short-sharp pain versus long-term chronic misery. There's your choice.