Please help: I need to forget about him
Hi, I am posting this thread here cause I am out of ideas. A few years ago I met a guy I will call Brandon. I thought he was slightly odd, definitely no romantic feelings, we started hanging out and he put so much effort into meeting with me. We stayed friends because, again, he was so attentive and sent me texts every day - and I liked it. Eventually, I fell for him. The second I started showing I cared about him, he started acting odd. He would invite me places, then go without me, he'd insult me for no reason, he would tell me he didn't want to share his friends with me. Eventually we ended up hooking up. Even though he said he didn't want a relationship with me, he was the one doing all the couple stuff. He would hold my hand in public, kiss me in public, I was basically doing nothing. Then he came out as gay and told me he had been seeing a guy behind my back. Then he kept joking about it, as if it were a fun thing he had broken my heart. Mind you, we were close friends. After that whole ordeal I somehow forced myself into forgiving him because I wanted to help him with his coming out process, but he suddenly decided he wasn't gay anymore. We were friends again but stuff started to change. I wanted to go back to how we were before everything had happened, but he said I reminded him of all the nasty stuff that happened and he wanted to stay away. I was so sad, but we eventually decided we wanted to stay in each other's lives, not before I sent him a series of messages saying he was a horrible friend for abandoning me when I needed him. In all honesty, it is such a fickle friendship I can't take it anymore, but I don't have the strength to let go. I have asked him to block me on social media, he said he didn't want to do that, I have cut ties with his family and friends, and still I miss him like crazy and still he will send me a message or I will send him a message, I want to let go so badly but don't know how. We are not even in the same country anymore, I have deleted him off of all of my social networks and still I can't let go. I wanted him to be my friend, I am stupid and need to snap out of it. We get along so well when he is not insulting me, but I can't rely on that. I have asked him to be kind to me, and every time he fails. I want to let go, but I don't know how. Can some please give me some advice on how to do that? My friends are tired of hearing about it. And so am I. Thank you.
Sometimes when we obsess over something or someone, it is because we want control of the person or the circumstances, and so we ruminate in thought to try to make the outcome the way we want it. Round and round we go, until it creates a life of its own. Fantasy is so lovely - but reality gets in the way.
Please re-read your own post. You will find several reasons why he is not deserving of you. For one thing, he is a non-commital person. He could be bi. He seems passive-aggressive with you. He is not physically with you. Etc. Etc.
Perhaps it's his family that you miss, too.
Perhaps counseling would be in order for you to figure things out. Your life is passing by all this while.
Yes, I agree. You seem to need a hair-shirt on-legs and Brandon seems to need a part-time, personal punching-bag. Basically (tell it like it is) as soon as Brandon felt you'd reached a point where you were LOCKED-IN is the precise point at which he began feeling safe enough to show his truer colours without too much worry that you'd bog off rather than constantly stand there and take it.
He is neither friend nor boyfriend. He's just enslaver and torturer. He's not FIT to be anyone's friend or lover.
You need counselling to find out, perhaps, who it is from your past that you're so hell-bent on 'beating/winning over this time'. News for you, there IS no 'beating' that type, except for to walk away and stay walked away. Its just a matter of time before they run out of victim fodder, which is usually the point where they feel they've no choice left but to seek professional help with fixing the issues that make them act that way to people that care about them, and end up sending them away, in the first place.
First of all, you should stop thinking of him. To do it you'd better a) acquire new hobby or habits; b) pursue an active lifestyle e.g. outdoor activity, fitness or something like this as exercises will help to master unruly your feelings; c) go out with YOUR friends, get out and about.
And finally, you should not forget about your love life. When you find a boyfriend the problem will disappear into thin air.
You can't argue with any of that, especially that final sentence! Nice one, TTG!
Thank you guys for your words of support. I have incredibly low self-esteem and I have been convincing myself that I brought all of this on myself. I do feel manipulated into a friendship I never cared for. His friends now think I am crazy cause of course he didn't tell them everything that he had done (inviting me out and making me watch him make out with a guy for example), the truth is I feel I have PTSD and he has driven me insane. I need help cause this is not me. I find myself crying on a daily basis over a narcissistic manipulator and I want it to stop. I needed to hear he was not a good person and he has used me. I needed to hear I need to stay away. It is hard to believe someone you love can hurt you that much.
well, am going to give what i did to get over my chic. at least you are fine but me i lots all the weight in fact my parents had to take me for a thorough medical check up ie diabetes, nervous system, hypertension and everything but was turned out negative! but i used these techniques and i think you should employ them, hopping you have made up your mind to move on (very important decision at this moment). First i joined social groups like cell n in these groups i found better gals,...sharp, prettier, richer and more caring. in your case you can try hooking up with other boy groups or social groups. But DON'T DATE! let them just be friend with you n that's it!
secondly, get rid of every thing that you well know belongs to him. things like clothes, shoes, fumes,photos etc, u know them. return those that you consider useful to him. those that you know are not useful to him, burn them! Leave no tress behind! REMEMBER: he is having fun n your hurting. Its now time to revamp yourself and regain your happiness and peace at heart. but you must decide and take action to get it. you can also hook up with site site help more help n guidance: http://www.honetlove.netau.net
it was very helpful to me. Well, hope you recover from that night mire and regain your happiness ASAP...